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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23952346">Hero</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/51177/pseuds/51177'>51177</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>My Personal Fairy Tale [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom, Valentina Carvajal/Juliana Valdes - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Loss, Love, Marriage, Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:48:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>66,994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23952346</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/51177/pseuds/51177</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby carriage? At least they hope so. </p>
<p>Third instalment in My Personal Fairytale. I would advise reading Smiling When I Die and Wonderwall first. But you might be okay without it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Valentina Carvajal/Juliana Valdés</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>My Personal Fairy Tale [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>243</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>517</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Spermies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you all for all your continued support. To those that have followed my writing journey from Smiling When I Die to this new instalment: I can't to being to express how grateful I am. You guys keep me writing. </p>
<p>This instalment will touch upon some sensitive topics. I have never been through this, but will try my absolute best to ensure I write it with sensitivity and care. </p>
<p>It is going to be angstier than my last story. But it will have a happy ending. that I can promise.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>The time since their honeymoon had been one of the most fulfilling and idyllic in Juliana and Valentina’s lives. </p><p>They had gone to Japan and it had been everything they could have asked for. And then some. Once arriving at the hotel, they were surprised to learn that their room had been upgraded. A gift from Stella, she did say she would make her presence known one way or another. They visited the hot springs, saw a sumo fight, and had all the sushi Juliana could stomach. They did everything they said they would. They also did things that weren’t on the list. Like Juliana nearly having a heart attack when she found out that Valentina had snuck in the strap-on in her luggage… on the plane… was she insane!? </p><p>Insane or not, it didn’t stop them from using it. Just because Juliana was embarrassed it didn’t mean that she would let Valentina’s covert mission go to waste. </p><p>But as soon as they came back from that life changing trip everything happened in a blur. Juliana and Stella worked out the details of the company, <em>Juliana</em>, and thus brought on a whole new world for the young designer. </p><p>She now had a boutique in an expensive part of town. It was a two-story brick unit, which reminded Juliana of their apartment. The brick walls and floor to ceiling windows contrasted nicely with the couture pieces. The lower level was a shop that showcased the latest <em>Juliana</em> designs, while the upper level was a workshop and an office. For the boss. The new digs came with a small staff and dream come true.</p><p>Valentina also made significant strides in her career this past year. She was no longer a junior editor at Groupo Carvajal. She moved up to the esteemed titled of Senior Editor of the features section. Essentially, she was the one with final set of eyes in editing, approving and, at times a contributing writer, to the major stories for the newspaper. It had nothing to do with the Carvajal last name. This promotion was solely based on hard work and determination. And the fact that she got to work remotely most of the time was a huge plus. </p><p>They were no longer young girls trying to define their relationship to the world. Now they were women. Making a life for themselves. The topic of children came up again shortly after the honeymoon. </p><p>When Valentina Carvajal-Valdes was in charge of research she put everything she could into it. For a couple of weeks, Val’s entire non work hours revolved around fertility clinics, success rates, and insemination procedures. Valentina compiled all the research she could and sat Juliana down one Sunday with a full-on presentation. There was a whiteboard and everything. </p><p>What they realized though, was that they needed to wait. Not for long. They would start a family soon, but the timing was not right. It was a little too much to take on when one was starting a brand-new clothing company and the other was on the path to run a publication empire. And having children, really committing to the process, was not something they would take lightly. </p><p>Stella had even set up a number of shows for Juliana to showcase her designs. Through the help of Stella’s contacts, Juliana was soon to be an up and coming name in the New York, Milan, and London fashion worlds. So the girls took this opportunity to travel and see the world before settling down in domestic bliss. Juliana had barely been out of Mexico and Texas. She wanted to make sure that when she put her all into starting a family, she wouldn’t have any what ifs. </p><p>They still had so much to learn about each other. No matter how many years would go by there was always something new and exciting to discover about each other. They wanted kids, that was not a surprising development. But what they needed was a strong foundation. Their relationship and the love they felt for each other was paramount in building that foundation. For the longest time it was just the two of them. It was them against the world and they had to be sure that when they brought a new life into their bubble, they were going to be ready and secure, not only in their relationship, but in themselves. As individuals. As mothers. </p><p>But over a year later, once things were on a steady plateau for both of them, the idea of kids resurfaced. </p><p>They were laying on the couch, Valentina was between Juliana’s legs with her head resting on Juliana’s chest. Juliana couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like when there was a little Valentina running around. Would they still be able to lay on the couch, in comfortable silence, while they watched Lanna wrangle with a stuffed turtle?</p><p>The answer was probably not. It was probably going to be really hard. It was different with Isabelle, Juliana would play with her and clam her down when she’s upset, but she wasn’t around all day, every day. She was the fun Tia. This would be different, life with their own kids would be different. </p><p>There were so many things that she was afraid of. What if they got sick? What if they were hurt by someone else, physically or emotionally? She didn’t know how to be a mother. She had a good role model in Lupe, but Chino was horrible to her. What if she got so mad that <em>she</em> would hurt their child? </p><p>These thoughts invaded Juliana’s mind from time to time, ever since Val had brought up having kids. She would spiral for a few moments and think of the worst-case scenario. But then, she would think of Valentina. She would think of Val as a mother. How caring, supportive, and full of love her wife was. And then she would remember that she is also caring and supportive and full of love. She said those words to Valentina not that long ago. That she would show Val what love was every day of their lives. If she can show Val, she can show a little mini Val that same sweet love. </p><p>When her mind would wander back to a time she wasn’t sure she wanted all this, she would remember what Valentina told her. </p><p>
  <em> “As much as I want to, and no matter how hard we try, we can’t control how the world will treat our kids. Or anyone really.” She brushes a few strands of hair out of Juliana’s face. “Look at me, we have had very different childhoods, yet I was teased by my whole school for being gay. Something I couldn’t control. Just like you couldn’t control your life circumstances.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But what we can do is love them. And provide a home that is full of love, laughter, and acceptance.”</em>
</p><p>She believed Val then, she could believe Val now. They couldn’t control what would happen. But Juliana knew what a poor parenting job looked like. She knew what the blueprint to ruining a childhood looked like. And she would never do that to her own kids. She knew exactly what not to do. Her kids would feel loved and accepted and happy. They wouldn’t know heartache or fear, at least not from their parents, ever. </p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Valentina’s question brought her out of her musings. </p><p>Juliana took a deep breath. “What do you think about maybe looking into the whole kids thing again?” Valentina wasn’t looking at her, she still had her face on Juls’ chest looking at Lanna, which in a way was a relief to Juliana. </p><p>She didn’t know why they were both always so cautious of bringing up this topic to each other. Maybe they were worried the other one might not be ready? They worked hard at their relationship, to build a strong and secure one. They always wanted to be on the same page, and when they weren’t, they would make sure to do whatever they had to so that they could be. Juliana would always be afraid of wanting something so much that turned out to be unattainable. She would always attribute this to growing up with barely anything. She didn’t entertain the idea of wild dreams often. Not unless they contained a blue-eyed beauty. And so far, all of those dreams came true. Why not this one? </p><p>“I think maybe I’d like to look into it. See if we can start trying.” She said with more confidence. </p><p>Valentina raised her head and rested it over her hand on Juls’ chest. “Yea?” Juliana nodded. “I think I would like that too.” Valentina reassured her with a smile. </p><p>“We’ve been so busy for the last couple of months, things are finally slowing down to a steady pace. I think it would be the perfect time to see what our options are.” Valentina added. </p><p>“Do you still have that mountain of research?”<br/>
<em>Gasp</em> “Don’t ever make fun of my thorough investigative skills, baby.” Valentina kissed Juliana’s nose and stood up, “brb.” Juliana loved it when she brought out that excited little girl in Valentina. </p><p>Valentina came back downstairs with a folder and a notebook, to be honest, Juliana expected something much larger. She straddled Juliana’s supine form and placed the folder on her chest. </p><p>“So, when I was looking into a while ago, there were a number of options we could choose from.” Valentina began sifting through the papers and the notebook she wrote her notes in. </p><p>“There’s IVF, where you take the eggs out of your ovaries and the sperm are basically fertilized in them in a lab-“</p><p>“That sounds kind of disconnected.” Juliana couldn’t help but comment with a frown.</p><p>“I agree, but unfortunately it might come to that. We don’t have the luxury of just going at it and see what happens. There might be problems with conceiving and a lot of successful pregnancies have come from it.” Valentina pointed out</p><p>“That’s true. We should look into it too, just in case. What other options would we have?”</p><p>“Well…” this conversation was making Valentina a little shy. She knew what option she wanted and talking about it was getting her so excited to start trying. She didn’t realize then how hard everything could get. How the whole experience could break her and mend her together at the same time. </p><p>“There is one thing I thought would work for us. It’s called Intrauterine Insemination or IUI. Basically, the sperm is put directly into the uterus. I read that it had better success rates, like 10-20%, and it’s actually cheaper than IVF.”</p><p>“That sounds fair. I’m actually a little surprised. I thought the success rate would be lower” Juliana didn’t know much about this process, she was by no means a doctor, but it seemed like a good option for them. </p><p>“Yea, I was too. And I read some stories about people that tried it and… I don’t know…” Valentina shrugged, “maybe it’s something we could try?”</p><p>“Let’s see what you got there?” Juliana started looking at the notes in Valentina’s notebook. “Where do we get the spermies?”</p><p>“Spermies?” Valentina asked with that sexy raise eyebrow of hers. </p><p>“What? ‘Sperm’ sounds too… impersonal.” Juliana defended. “Personal? Did you want to have a conversation with these spermies? Get to know them?”</p><p>“Yes, smart ass! Actually, I do. They are going to make up half our kid.” Well when Juliana put it that way, she did have a point. </p><p>Valentina just laughed and pecked Juliana on the lips. She was so cute. Valentina couldn’t wait to have a little smart ass with brown eyes and a naughty smirk running around the place. </p><p>“Well we’d have to go to a cryobank for the sperm-" Juliana gave her a look, "sorry, <em>spermies</em>. Some of the fertility clinics I found even have good ones that they work with directly. Unless you wanted to ask someone if they wanted to give us their sperm-“</p><p>“No. I veto that idea. No way.” This was one point that Juliana was adamant about. She didn’t have anyone on her side of the family that she would remotely want to ask. She didn’t even want to think about it. </p><p>“Besides, if we do that I want a baby that is half me and half you. Genes wise. And I don’t have anyone that I know that I would ask. And there is no way in hell I’m having Guille’s spermies in my uterus. No. Gross.” Juliana involuntarily shuddered. </p><p>“Okay, yea. When you put it that way, I don’t want Guille’s spermies anywhere near you. Ew.</p><p>“I wish we could do it though. Have a baby that is half me and half you.” Valentina wistfully spoke as she traced Juliana’s jaw with her fingers. She would love to have a baby that looked like a mixture of the two of them. </p><p>Juliana grabbed the hand that was caresses her face and kissed the palm, “I know. I would love that too. But no matter what this baby is ours. I don’t think genetics are the end all and be all of who we are. We’re going to raise them together in a loving family. They will still be half you and half me. 

"And at least this way we can choose some of my characteristics in the donor and come as close as possible.”</p><p>“I love you so much. I wouldn’t want to raise kids with anyone else.” Valentina meant it too. Juliana had a way of bringing her down to earth. To show her that this may not be the easiest way to conceive a child, but that didn’t matter. They would still be brought into a world full of love and kindness because they had a mother, two mothers, that strived for that every day of their lives. </p><p>They dug through Valentina’s mounting research and decided the first step was to find a fertility clinic. There was only so much research they would be able to do on their own. After narrowing the list down to a very reputable clinic, Valentina called and made an appointment for first thing Saturday morning. That would end up being the easy part. </p><p>“So you know that whole thing you said about not being able to just ‘go at it’ and get pregnant?”</p><p>“Yes….”</p><p>“Wanna try anyway?” That damn smirk would be the end of Valentina. </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Information Overload</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading this so far!</p>
<p>This chapter is more information based... I'm not a doctor so this was all my research<br/>If anyone needs any clarification please let me know. Or if English is not your first language let me know as well!</p>
<p>I wanted to get all the information out of the way so we can proceed to the fun stuff. </p>
<p>p.s. flashbacks are in <em>italics</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>Early that Saturday morning Juliana and Valentina walked hand in hand to the Helping Hand Fertility clinic. They were going to find out everything involved in trying to conceive a child. From a doctor at least. The clinic they choose did an extensive information session with each new patient at the first appointment, which was a huge plus. Valentina’s research was great but there was so much information to sort through, they didn’t know where to start. </p>
<p>They did have the basics covered. They knew what type procedure they wanted, which clinic they wanted to go to, and who would carry. </p>
<p>Valentina Carvajal was born to be a mother. She wanted everything that came with being pregnant. Feeling the baby grow inside her, nourishing this little life with her own body, and being able to see Juliana’s face when the baby would kick for the first time. </p>
<p>She would even take the morning sickness. </p>
<p>Since the minute Valentina found out a woman could grow and birth a baby with her own body she had wanted to experience it. To her being pregnant and giving birth was an inevitable step in her life. Juliana on the other hand was terrified of it. She didn’t know how women could go through this generation after generation. They really were the stronger sex. She often wondered if there was something wrong with her because she felt this way. Didn’t every woman want to be pregnant? She didn’t want to voice this to Valentina right away. She would wait to see how she felt as the pregnancy progressed. If she was honest, kids weren’t something she thought about. Not until the possibility of starting a family with Valentina entered her mind. </p>
<p>It was only when they were looking into different clinics, and Valentina brought up the one point they had not addressed, that Juliana told her what was on her mind. </p>
<p>
  <em>“I was wondering, only if you’re okay with though it.. if not we can do whatever-“</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Breathe, baby.” Juliana knew whenever one of them was this nervous to say something, it usually worked out that they were on the same page. She wasn’t afraid of what Valentina was about to say. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sorry,” Valentina let out a little laugh, “what I was trying and failing to say was that. Have you thought about who you would like to go first?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There were many things that Juliana learned from this relationship. One of those things was that Valentina would support her no matter what. She just had to be honest, and 'use her words', as Valentina like to reminder her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t want you to take whatever I’m about to say in the wrong way, okay?” Juliana couldn’t help it. She may have been more open and honest in the years the pair had been together. But from time to time she still found that it was hard to articulate what she was thinking. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t know if I see myself getting pregnant. To be honest, kids wasn’t something that was in my future until I met you. So, I don’t know if I want to carry. I’m not saying no, forever. But right now I don’t –“</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Juls?” Juliana looked into piercing blue eyes, “I get what you’re trying to say. Don’t worry. I would love to go first.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s not that I don’t want to. Ever.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know, you don’t have to justify your feelings. I’m not taking it offensively. I know I’ve been vocal in wanting to be pregnant, but this is a personal decision and I would never fault you for wanting time to think about it.” Valentina tried to reassure her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You don’t think it’s weird that I want kids but might not want to be pregnant?” This was a fear that Juliana had going around in her mind. Was there something wrong with her?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t think that’s weird at all. At the end of the day you want to start a family with me. It doesn’t matter how we get there.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Juliana has to remind herself to use her words more. Even when she can’t string together proper sentences, Valentina will always understand and support her. How did she get to lucky? </em>
</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>The pair checked in with the receptionist and sat, relatively patiently, for their named to be called. Juliana looked around at the various couples and pregnant women in the room. She wondered what it would be like when Val got pregnant. She could just picture Valentina walking around the house with her sports bra and flowy pants, talking to the bump on her stomach. </p>
<p>“What’s with the goofy grin?” Valentina watch Juliana’s face transform from terrified, to curious, then to happy in a spam of a minute. What she wouldn’t give to be inside that beautiful mind. </p>
<p>“Just thinking about how I can’t wait until you’re one of these pregnant mamas in here.” Juliana squeezed Val’s hand and scrunched her nose. Just as she was about to lean in and give her wife a soft kiss on the cheek their names were called.</p>
<p>“Mrs. and Mrs. Carvajal-Valdes?” the pair stood up and made their way to the nurse, “hola, thank you for coming in today. Dr. Mendoza will be with you shortly. Just have a seat right here.” The nurse directed them to an office decorated with various medical books and diagrams of the female reproductive system. They sat at the two seats in front of the desk, hand in hand, waiting for the doctor. </p>
<p>Juliana was nervous. She knew that they were only really here today for information. The rest of the process would happen at another appointment. But right now, she was definitely nervous. She couldn’t pinpoint why. A squeeze to her hand and a smile from her wife easily calmed her nerves. She should have known that was all it took. </p>
<p>“it will be okay. We’re just here for some information. No pressure okay?” Valentina tried to reassure her. </p>
<p>“I know. Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so nervous.” </p>
<p>Before they could go any further into Juliana’s nerves, Dr. Mendoza came in. </p>
<p>“Mrs. and Mrs. Carvajal-Valdes? Nice to meet you, I’m Dr. Teresa Mendoza.” Dr. Mendoza reached out her hand to shake hands with the two. “Please, Dr. Mendoza, you can call us Valentina and Juliana. No need for formalities. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.” Valentina: ever the charmer. </p>
<p>Dr. Mendoza couldn’t help but laugh, “very true. And very optimistic. I like that. It’s great to meet you both.”</p>
<p>After all the pleasantries were out of the way, Dr. Mendoza got down to business. “Okay, so Valentina based on your intake forms I see that you will be the one to carry?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I will.” She looked at Juliana, “we were hoping to try IUI. See if it’s a possibility for us.” <br/>“We just wanted to know what was involved. Based on the research we did, it seems like something we are interested in. And you seem to be the person for it.” Juliana added. </p>
<p>“Wow, I really appreciate your confidence in me.” Dr. Mendoza added with a smile, “looking at the information you both provided I do think it would be a good step. </p>
<p>“To tell you a little about the insemination process and our involvement, I’ll begin by saying that IUI is the process of inserting the sperm directly into the uterus using a catheter. It is one of the more non-invasive procedures that we offer. What we do is we have a process that washes out the sperm and essentially picks the best swimmers, if you will.”</p>
<p>The trio couldn’t help but laugh. Dr. Mendoza had a way of making her patient comfortable in her presence. What they were about to embark on wasn’t easy for everyone, so she wanted to be as understanding as possible. </p>
<p>“We then insert the vial of sperm, with the catheter, into the uterus to eventually fertilize an egg in the fallopian tube. Which will eventually make its way back down into the uterus. We will do the procedure during your ovulation period to give you the most optimal chance of a successful pregnancy. This would be the most 'natural' way we do it.</p>
<p>“This is a lot to take in, I know.” Dr. Mendoza could see the concentration in both the girls’ faces. </p>
<p>“No, no. It actually makes perfect sense.” Juliana reassured her. </p>
<p>“Okay good. Just let me know if you ever need any clarification." Both girls nodded in unison. </p>
<p>“If this is the process that you both want to take, we will first to do some blood testing and an ultrasound. It’s something we do for everyone. We just make sure to everything is looking okay health wise. Based on your last blood test, Valentina everything looks good. But we do our own thorough testing just to be sure.” Dr. Mendoza explained. </p>
<p>“That makes sense.” Valentina agreed. </p>
<p>“Based on our research we know that your clinic actually has a cryobank that you work with directly?” Juliana asked. This was the part that terrified and excited her at the same time. </p>
<p>“Yes! We have a wonderful cyrobank right here at the facility that can help you choose the perfect donor.</p>
<p>“Part of your payment includes a membership with a username and password. We have a particular site that members can log into and see the prospective donors. </p>
<p>“One thing I take pride in at this facility, other than our staff of course, is the cryobank. We are one of the only ones in the country that offer a full workup on each donor. What that means is, in addition to medical history, we ask them personal questions too. Such as their likes, dislikes, pet peeves, hobbies, and even questions about their education. It gives the parents and idea of what kind of personality the donor has. </p>
<p>“You can also view video testimonials of the donor. I find it’s an interesting way to notice any mannerisms. I have known a lot of couples who find their child has certain mannerisms that they don’t see in each parent. Genetics really is a wonderful thing. There are many debates as to the nature versus nurture basis on personality, so we do everything we can to help potential parents choose a perfect donor.” </p>
<p>“I also read that you have adult pictures of the donors. Not many clinics I looked at had that option.” Valentina clarified. </p>
<p>“Yes, we do. We find that potential parents want to see what the donors look like. It gives them a way to see the physical features that their child may have as they get older. It helps to determine which donor to choose. Especially with same sex couples, and I hope I’m not being presumptuous, but I imagine you would like a child that looks like the both of you?” Dr. Mendoza asked. </p>
<p>The two looked at each other and smiled. “Yes, we would really like that.” Juliana was looking at Valentina, but she was talking to Dr. Mendoza. </p>
<p>“Well, one thing that we have here that other cryobanks don’t is the ability to upload a photo of yourself and your partner to the system and our algorithms selects potential donors that best matches your combined facial characteristics.” </p>
<p>“I read about that actually. That was a selling feature to come here to be honest. Alongside your reputation, it would make the donor selection a lot easier.” Valentina commented. She said as much to Juliana when they were trying to pick which fertility clinic to go to. </p>
<p>“I love that you’ve done your research. And yes, we have had a lot of people say that was a big selling factor for them too. One thing that these initial introductions accomplish is that we, as the facility, get a better understanding of our potential clients. As much as you want a good clinic. We want clients that are serious to committing to this process. I think you two are wonderful. And it would be an honor if you choose our facility.” Dr. Mendoza had been in this industry for a long time. With the changes in technology and the advancements in medicine, she saw a lot of couples walk through her door. But these two had something special. </p>
<p>“If you choose us you will have the option to buy the number of vials for each implantation you want. Most people buy between 4-7 vials since the success rate for someone in your age group is about 10-20%. But I have read research studies that indicate the success rate could be much higher. </p>
<p>“Since the implantation would be every month you are ovulating until you have a successful pregnancy, the 4-7 vials would be for about 4-7 tries of implantation. Some people buy depending on the number of months they want to try, but for you two something to consider is also the possibility of more children. And if you want to use the same sperm, if you do decide to have more children, and want them to be genetically related. Another option to consider is if you want to use fertility drugs to increase your chances. But this bridge we can cross once the time comes. </p>
<p>“Now some couples get pregnant on the first try. While with others this procedure may not even work. I want you both to be prepared for either option. I know this is a lot of information to take in so just let me know if you have any questions and you can take all the time in the world to think about what you want to do.” Dr. Mendoza tried to be reassuring and understanding. But she also wanted them to know this was not an easy process, she knew the look of disappointment, and no one was immune to it.  </p>
<p>“I think this is the perfect place for us. But I was just wondering what the risks are. I know the success rate is 10-20% percent, but,” Juliana took a deep breath and looked at Valentina. This was the love of her life. She didn’t want anything to happen to her. “I just want to know everything we are getting ourselves into.”</p>
<p>“Of course. IUI, as with any fertility procedure does have its risks. But they are minimal compared to some others. Some women may experience cramping after the procedure and there is a risk of infection, but this is very rare. Most women experience little to no pain. </p>
<p>“But should you decide to take fertility drugs to increase the chances of a successful pregnancy, there are its own set of risks that come with that, like multiple pregnancies. We can definitely go through those if you like.” Dr. Mendoza tried to explain.</p>
<p>Juliana’s eyes popped out. Okay. Maybe they would wait on those fertility drugs. Multiple pregnancies? As in multiple babies?</p>
<p>Dr. Mendoza could only chuckle at Juliana’s face, “don’t worry Juliana. Like I said we can talk about fertility drugs and their risks if and when the time comes. </p>
<p>“We’ve also let some of the partners inject the sperm if that is something you would like to do.” Dr. Mendoza thought this little bit of information might appeal to Juliana. Turns out, it freaked her out even more. Valentina on the other hand was wiggling in her seat. </p>
<p>“Juls! You can get me pregnant!” This didn’t even occur to Valentina. <br/>“Wait. What? You want me to do it?" Juliana’s eyebrows were practically in her hairline. </p>
<p>“What if I hurt you or do something wrong?” Juliana would never forgive herself if something happened because she was the one to inject the spermies into Val. Her worry turned to sadness at the mere thought. </p>
<p>“Juliana, I assure you that you will be with a professional the entire time. And there is no pressure. You don’t have to do it. It’s just something to think about. I’m sorry if I worried you.” Dr. Mendoza meant it. She didn’t mean for her words to frighten Juliana. </p>
<p>“It’s okay, Juls. I’m sorry. I just got a little excited.” <br/>“No, don’t be sorry. Let’s maybe talk about that later okay?” Valentina nodded and kissed Juls’ knuckles. </p>
<p>They looked at each other, a stream of unspoken words between them. With a slight nod from Juliana, Valentina turned to Dr. Mendoza. “We would love to be your clients. We want this. So much.”</p>
<p>Looking back on these beginning stages of trying to get pregnant, Valentina wished she wasn’t so naive. She wished she would have listened to people that told her that it wasn’t going to be easy. She wouldn’t get pregnant just because she wanted to. It was like asking a bull not to attack you because you were a vegetarian. This point in her life would be one of the hardest she would ever go through. She would need Juliana in a way she didn’t know was possible. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, thank you for reading!<br/>and for your comments and kudos. It means a lot!</p>
<p>Please let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Perfect Man?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all so much for your kind words and kudos!!</p><p>I re-wrote this one like a 100 times so I hope it comes out okay!</p><p>Just wanted to say again, I haven't been through this stuff myself. So if there is anyone that has tried to get pregnant, is trying, adopted, or anything! Please let me know if I am ever insensitive. It is not my intention and I will rectify it immediately!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>Once all the paperwork was completed, Juliana and Valentina left Dr. Mendoza’s office with an appointment for Valentina to do her blood tests and instructions on setting up a username and a password for the donor selection website. They were instructed to call the clinic once they had selected a donor they were absolutely sure they wanted, and would then be given the home ovulation predictor kit, after all the blood work was completed. Valentina would use this to determine when she would be ovulating. Once she had her first positive ovulation, she would call the clinic and be scheduled for the insemination a day or two later. </p><p>While they would be at home and waiting for Valentina to ovulate, the clinic would house and get the sperm ready to be inseminated as soon as it was time.</p><p>The process seemed simple enough. They just had to now go home and pick a donor. This was the fun stuff. </p><p>Right?</p><p>The minute they got home from Dr. Mendoza’s office they found themselves in their home office in front of Valentina’s computer. Julian was sitting on the chair and Valentina was on her lap. Valentina had been extra touchy and affectionate lately. She has always been that way throughout their relationship, something Juliana had to get used to in the beginning, but since they started thinking about actively trying to have a baby Val just wanted to be around Juliana all the time. And, well, Juliana was definitely not complaining. </p><p>“Okay. So. The first thing we have to do is register on the clinic’s website and pick a username.” Valentina rattled off as she began to enter their information into the computer. Juliana, with her arms wrapped around her wife, had her chin resting on Valentina’s shoulder as she watched Val type away. </p><p>“What the hell is Juliantina?” Juliana knew asking this would lead to some ridiculous explanation. This was Valentina after all. Their dog was named Lanna for a reason. </p><p>“Juls! It’s us.” Valentina looked back at Juliana like she was crazy. “Juliana plus Valentina. Like Brangelina. All the chicas that follow me on Instagram call us that. I think it’s cute.” Valentina turned back around as she proceeded to fill out the information. </p><p>“Look at you Ms. Influencer. What if the people at the cryobank see this? We will never be taken seriously.” Juliana could only shake her head and she rested her forehead on Val’s shoulder.</p><p>“I already asked the receptionist. She said they don’t have access to the usernames. Just what ever information we put in to process the transaction when we select our donor.” </p><p>“Of course you did.” Valentina was so ridiculous sometimes. Cute, but ridiculous. Juliana wouldn’t change her for all the money in the world.</p><p>Once they logged into the website, they were asked to upload a picture of themselves and select different characteristics that they are looking for. Eventually the system’s algorithm will match their requirements to potential donors depending on their search criteria.</p><p>“I didn’t realize there would be so many characteristics to choose, both physically and personality wise.” Valentina commented slightly overwhelmed.</p><p>“Same.” Juliana eyes were about to bulge out of her head with the amount of questions that they ask. “But this is good. They take everything we could possibly want and try to find a match. Sure, the donor won’t have every single characteristic we pick, but at least this will give us options. Right?” </p><p>Valentina kissed Juliana’s forehead. “Smart like their mama is definitely going to be on the list.” </p><p>“Mama?” Juliana had the biggest, most infectious smile on her face.<br/>
“Yea…” Valentina shrugged, “I see you as mama. And me as mommy.” She looked away shyly. It was something that she was thinking about, dreaming about even. </p><p>Juliana lightly cupped Valentina’s jaw and brought their faces together. She slowly rubbed their noses together. “I can’t wait to be a mama.” She admitted as they shared a deep kiss. “I love you so much.” Juliana would never get tired of saying those words to Valentina. </p><p>After trading soft kisses, Valentina kissed Juliana’s nose. “Okay. Let’s pick some characteristics.</p><p>“Eyes? Brown-“</p><p>“Blue-“</p><p>“Brown and blue.” Valentina contested, “we’ll test our luck” she turned around and gave Juliana that sexy wink of hers. </p><p>They went through the list, marking down things that they wanted, things they would like but could live without, and things that were a must have. </p><p>Their first search yielded 137 potential donors. </p><p>It turns out finding a suitable donor was nowhere near as easy as the girls thought it would be. More so Valentina. She thought this would be the easiest part. That they would just see the face of the donor and <em>bam</em>, they would instantly know which one to pick. Finding someone that matched their donor checklist would start to look near impossible. </p><p>“Okay… maybe we should narrow this stuff down a bit.” Juliana figured it was hard enough choose one donor let alone sifting through 137 different options. </p><p>“Yea you’re right. At the end of the day I would like our kids to look like us. I know we haven’t really talked about having more than one. But if you do decide you want to try, or if we want a second, I would like our kids to be biologically related in a way.” Valentina was trying to find the right words to say what she needed.</p><p>“Instead of finding someone that looks like you only, maybe we can look for someone that looks like us together? Does that make sense?” Valentina babbled on. </p><p>“Yea, Val. That makes sense. If we use a donor that looks like only me and I use my egg next time, our baby is just going to be extra gorgeous because that’s all me baby.” </p><p>Valentina rolled her eyes, she knew Juliana was trying to ease her stress, “what an ego-maniac. I don’t know if I want a baby with you anymore. There might not be any room in this place for another big-headed smart ass.” </p><p>Valentina let out a burst of laughter when Juliana started tickling her. “Okay, okay,” Valentina got out, “I give up.” Valentina grabbed a hold of Juliana’s hands and wrapped Juls’ arms around her waist. </p><p>“I just want to find him already.” Valentina whispered out. </p><p>“I know, and we will. For now, let’s look at the results of the pictures we put in. Maybe we can find someone that resembles us together and then narrow it down from there. Does that sound okay?”</p><p>“That sounds perfect.” Valentina remarked as she squeezed the arms holding her close. “No matter how we have a baby, whether it’s me or you that gives birth. Or we end up adopting. I just can’t wait to start a family with you. Like you said, it’s doesn’t matter what donor we pick or how we have a baby, we’ll make sure any child we have is loved unconditionally. We make a family. Not genes.” Valentina wanted to be sure that no matter how they brought a child into their family, that child will be best thing to happen to them.</p><p>“That sounds perfect, Val.”</p><p>With another kiss to Juliana’s nose, Valentina nodded, and they began looking through photos and video testimonials of the potential donors that matched their facial characteristics. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>To put it mildly, this process took forever. Two months in and they still hadn’t found the ‘perfect’ donor. They both thought that they would see his face and think <em>that’s him</em> and instantly find him. But as it turns out, it wasn’t that easy.</p><p>Every free moment was spent trying to pick the perfect donor. They had to constantly remind themselves, and each other, that this wasn’t like trying to decide what to eat at a restaurant. This donor was going to make up 50% of their child’s genes. It was a big deal and they should be glad that it’s taking this long. That they are taking the time to make sure the donor they chose was perfect for them. </p><p>Other than the facial characteristics, education, and a clean medical history, the couple was adamant on their donor having some sort of passion. Whether it was sports, education, or hobbies. It didn’t matter what, they both felt that something like passion in life was an innate trait. You can’t make someone strive to reach their goals; this was something that came from within. They were so grateful for the videos and testimonials, as these gave them a sense of <em>who</em> the donor was. Not just what he looked like. </p><p>They were so consumed with donor selections it seemed like they didn’t have time for anything else. Neither of them had been so invested in the lives of random men in their entire lives. Juliana decided that it was time for a little break. They needed to take a deep breath and step away from the situation. Regroup. </p><p>One Saturday morning Mateo called Valentina and asked if they could watch Isabelle for a few hours as he had to go to the office for a bit. Both girls jumped at the chance to take their mind off pictures, health histories, and video testimonials. </p><p>Little Isabelle Luna was now 4 going on 45. She was undoubtedly the boss of whichever household she was in at the present moment and she knew how to use her cuteness as a weapon. Juliana often marvelled, and feared, the fact that Isabelle was the miniature version of her wife. Regardless of the time that has passed, Isabelle was still as enamoured with Juliana as she had always been. Well Juls and Jack of course. </p><p>Juliana was in the kitchen making lunch as Valentina was in the living room coloring with Isabelle while Lana was laying down beside Isabelle, <em>her</em> favorite person. “I’ll be right back, baby.” Val kissed Isabelle’s head as she got up to go to the washroom. Isabelle not bothering to look up just nodded her head. </p><p>What felt like seconds later a loud wail rang out from the living room. “Lana. No!” Isabelle cried out. Juliana immediately shut off the stove and ran over to the little girl. </p><p>As she approached the living room, Isabelle ran into Juliana’s arms sobbing. “Shhh, Iz. What happened? Did you get hurt?” </p><p>“What’s wrong? What happened?” Valentina came running out of the washroom. The sight would have been hilarious if they weren’t so concerned about Isabelle. </p><p>“La-Lana hurt Jack.” Isabelle finally let out once Juliana managed to pry the little girl from her neck. Her shirt already wet with tears. Poor Lana was huddled in the corner, softly wining, not knowing what happened. </p><p>“It’s okay. Let’s go see what’s wrong with Jack okay.” Juliana sat down on the couch to see poor Jack. One arm dangling from his body. </p><p>“Oh Iz. Were you playing with Lana and Jack?” Isabelle could only nod, tears streaming down her face. “She didn’t know, baby. Lana didn’t mean it. She thought you were playing a game.”</p><p>This only made Isabelle cry harder. Juliana could only look at Val and frown. Isabelle’s sad little face was breaking her heart. </p><p>“Come on. I have an idea.” Juliana stood up, with Isabelle still in her arms. “Tia Val, can you bring Jack? And Lana.” </p><p>“Yes, ma’am” Valentina saluted earning her a playful glare. </p><p>Juliana brought Isabelle into their home office, and once everyone was present, Juliana took Jack from Val and placed him on her drafting table. </p><p>“Can you go to Tia Val for a second?” Juliana handed Isabelle to Val, who just cuddled into her Tia as Val kissed her forehead. With a little wink to Valentina, Juliana brought out her sewing kit. </p><p>Threading some purple thread into a needle, Juliana got to work. Meticulously stuffing Jack’s fur into his body and sewing the injured arm back together. As each sew weaved through Jack’s fur, Isabelle started to get more and more curious. </p><p>“What’s Juls doing Tia Val?” Not taking her eyes off of Juls and Jack, Isabelle’s sadness slowly disappeared. “She’s going to make Jack all better, baby.” This was the reason that Valentina couldn’t imagine having children with anyone else on the planet. Juliana would do anything to put a smile on Isabelle’s face. She couldn’t imagine what her wife would do for her own kids. It was actually making Valentina a little emotional. </p><p>Once the last stich was completed, Juliana told them to wait one minute and ran out of the room; Isabelle watching her every move. Juliana came back with an Elsa band aid they kept in the bathroom for Isabelle, just in case, and put it on Jack’s arm. </p><p>Before she could give Jack back to Isabelle, Juliana kneeled on one knee to call Lana over, who was staying by the door of the room, with the saddest look on her face. </p><p>“Come here, girl.” She called out. “Iz, Lana is really sorry. She was only trying to play with you.” Valentina put Isabelle down in front of Lana, “she didn’t mean to hurt Jack.” Juliana tried to explain. </p><p>“it’s okay Lana. I still love you.” The little girl gave Lana a hug and giggled at the little kiss Lana gave her. </p><p>“Here’s Jack. He’s all better.” Juliana almost lost her balance as Isabelle jumped into her arms and gave her a big hug. Juls was her favorite person. Ever. </p><p>“Thanks, Juls! You saved Jack! You're the best!” with a kiss to Juliana’s cheek Isabelle strutted out of the room like the boss she was, “come on, Lana. Let’s go play.” </p><p>Juliana stood up to come face to face with Valentina with unshed tears in her eyes. “You okay? I know it was touch and go with Jack just now. But I had it covered.” Juliana tried to joke. </p><p>“I love you so much. I’ll never get tired of telling you that every second of everyday. You’re going to make the most amazing mother.” Valentina swooned and took Juliana’s face in her hands and kissed her with every ounce of love as she could. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>Thank night, after Isabelle was picked up by Mateo and the couple were back on the computer, they found him. As if the stars aligned, and all they needed was a little break and an averted crisis, they found the perfect donor. </p><p>He was a graduate from an ivy league school in the states, who came back to Mexico to start his own business. He had Juliana’s sharp facial features with that perfectly cut jaw line, downward eyebrows, and dark brown hair. He looked like he could be Juliana’s brother with his tanned skin tone. He also had kind blue eyes and an exact replica of Val’s cute smile. Even his laugh in his video testimonial was contagious like Valentina’s.</p><p>They couldn’t believe it. They actually found someone that would be the perfect donor. </p><p>After countless “are you sure” conversations, the couple called the clinic and informed them that they had selected their donor. Dr. Mendoza spoke with them and told them that Valentina had the all clear with her blood tests and they would just have to stop by the clinic one day to pick up the ovulation predictor kit. She explained that now that the donor was selected the specimen would be tested, washed out, and stored, ready for implantation whenever Valentina’s was. </p><p>They were almost there. </p><p>Once they got the ovulation kit, they were advised to start taking the test midway through Valentina’s menstrual cycle. Now it was just a waiting game. </p><p>11 days after Valentina’s period she sat on the toilette with an ovulation test ready. She had taken the test for 2 days prior with no luck. Today it was 5am in the morning but she couldn’t sleep. She just wanted to start testing right away. She peed on the stick provided and waited. It was agonizing. If this was hard, she couldn’t imagine waiting for results on a pregnancy test. This was going to be a crazy ride. </p><p>After the intended time a little smiley face appeared on the stick indicating she was at her fertile peak. Valentina had to look at the instructions to make sure what she was seeing was correct. She couldn’t contain her excitement. </p><p>She immediately ran into the bedroom and jumped on Juliana. </p><p>“Juls!” If it wasn’t for the fact that Valentina was on top of her, Juliana would have jumped right off the bed. And if it wasn’t for Valentina’s voice yelling her name, Juliana would have probably punched the person crushing her lungs. </p><p>“Jesus Christ Valentina,” Juliana managed to turn on her back, eyes once again closed, voice still full of sleep. “I almost punched you in the face. You could give someone a heart attack like that you know.”</p><p>“Juls! It’s time. I’m at my peak ovulation period.” </p><p>“What?” Juliana was all of a sudden wide awake. She looked at the ovulation stick thrust in her face and couldn’t help her big grin at the smiley face. </p><p>“We have to call the clinic and let them know.” Valentina was a ball of excitement; Juliana couldn’t help but kiss her. </p><p>“Slow down there, tiger. I don’t even think they’re open yet.” Juliana put the sick on the side table, “come cuddle with me. We’ll call them as soon as they open, I promise.” She tried to reason. </p><p>Once Juliana got Valentina under the covers and Val’s head on her chest, Juliana lifted Valentina’s chin and kissed her again. A deep kiss. A kiss where she could feel the tingle in her limbs and the flutter of her heart all the way to her toes. </p><p>“Holy shit, I’m so excited.” Julian whispered into Valentina’s lips as blue eyes bore into brown. </p><p>The couple stayed in bed, trading kisses and talking about their nerves and excitement for the next stage. Once 8:00 am came, Valentina grabbed the phone and called the clinic. </p><p>“Good morning. Helping Hand Fertility Clinic, this is Sara how can I help you?”</p><p>“Good morning, Sara. This is Valentina Carvajal-Valdes. I just took the ovulation test and it said I was at peak ovulation. I was just wondering what I do next?” </p><p>“Mrs. Carvajal-Valdes, good morning. And I’m so glad to hear your test came back positive. I’m going to pass you to Dr. Mendoza, and she will let you know your next steps.”</p><p>After a few seconds the calm voice of Dr. Mendoza was on the line, “Valentina. Good morning. I hear you have some exciting news.”</p><p>“Good morning Dr. Mendoza, yes! The test I took this morning indicated that my LH levels were at their peak.” Valentina’s head was still on Juliana’s chest as she spoke with the doctor, basking in the comfort of her wife. </p><p>“It’s great that you got a positive indicator on the test. What I would like you to do is just take the test one more time mid-day, say after 12:00pm. Sometimes your levels are high, but we won’t have an accurate reading until mid-day or so. And we just want to be sure.” Dr. Mendoza tried to explain. </p><p>Valentina felt a little silly. The instructions did say to test mid-day for this reason. But she just couldn’t wait. </p><p>“Usually what the peak in your LH levels tells us is that your about to ovulate, ideally in the next 24-36 hours. So what we’ll do is, once you confirm the positive ovulation test, we will book you in to come into the clinic tomorrow morning and once the ultrasound shows everything is okay, we’ll proceed with the insemination process. How does that sound?” Dr. Mendoza could feel the excitement from the hopeful mother through the phone line. </p><p>“Sounds perfect, doc. And sorry for jumping the gun. I was just too excited.” Valentina blushed as she felt Juliana kiss her forehead. </p><p>“Please don’t apologize, Valentina. This happens all the time.” Dr. Mendoza reassured as they ended the call. </p><p>At 12:07pm Valentina took the test once again, showing the same results as this morning. She immediately called the clinic, confirmed her results, and booked an appointment for first thing the next day. </p><p>This was it. </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think! This is more of a filler chapter until we get down to business lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Here We Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahh!! thank you all for your kind words, kudos', and subscriptions!</p><p>I'm just going to put a small TRIGGER WARNING for medical/insemination procedure here....<br/>just in case people don't really like that kind of stuff.<br/>It's not bad what so ever... I just describe the procedure and the tools used. it really harmless. </p><p>But you know... just in case lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>The following morning Juliana and Valentina, once again, walked into Helping Hand Fertility Clinic hand in hand. Juliana could feel the nerves in every fiber of her being. But under all those nerves there was excitement brimming at the surface. Over the past couple of days, she had to actively stop herself every time she wondered if this insemination was going to be the one that would take. She didn’t want to hope and be disappointed. Valentina’s excitement, on the other hand, was contagious. </p><p>Valentina was always so optimistic. She just knew things would work out. Which is why she always dove head first into everything she wanted; their relationship was no exception. She always knew she would reach the surface successfully, one way or another. And as much as Juliana tried to be realistic and not get her hopes up, every time she would look at Valentina, she couldn’t help but wish that they would be one of the lucky ones. </p><p>After checking in at the front desk they wait, once again, for their names to be called. This time Juliana can’t look around. She can’t look at the mothers with their baby bellies – what if it doesn’t work? She wants to be optimistic for Val, but what are the odds that they get pregnant on the first try? She wants this so badly. Now that they are here, Juliana can’t help but wish and pray that this works. That she can give her wife a family. Her leg is bouncing up and down. She can’t sit still. She can feel her hand, that isn’t intertwined with Valentina’s, shaking slightly. </p><p>Ever so slowly she feels a squeeze to her hand. Long slim fingers, ever so softly, stop the up and down motion of her leg. “It’s going to be okay.” Valentina whispers into her ear, forehead pressed into the side of Juliana’s head. </p><p>“What if it doesn’t work?’ Juliana knows that chances are low. But she doesn’t want to be disappointment. More so, she doesn’t want Valentina to be disappointed. </p><p>“Then we’ll try again.” Juliana looks up into Valentina eyes as Val’s words register in her brain. </p><p>“Juls, no matter how long it takes we’ll keep trying okay. And if it works on the first try then we lots of vials left, we can make more babies.” Valentina tries to ease the fear in the girl beside her. </p><p>Juliana wants to apologise; she wants to say she’s trying to be optimistic. But she can only nod. Valentina’s optimism and hope are too contagious for Juliana’s fears to consume her. At least she hopes it is. </p><p>“Mrs. and Mrs. Carvajal-Valdes?” Sara, the receptionist brings Juliana back to the present, “can you follow me?” The couple get up and follow Sara into an examination room. </p><p>“Mrs. Car-“<br/>
“Please, Sara. You can call us Valentina and Juliana.” Valentina sates with a smile. </p><p>“Of course. Valentina you can just hop on the examination table and unbutton your pants. Dr. Mendoza is going to be in shortly to do an ultrasound.” Sara explained. </p><p>After receiving a nod from Valentina Sara left the two to get themselves ready. Juliana helped Valentina onto the examination bed and kissed her forehead. </p><p>After a knock on the door and confirmation from the occupants inside, Dr. Mendoza entered the room. “Good morning ladies. Are you guys ready?”</p><p>“Yes. Anxious but ready.” Valentina couldn’t help but admit. </p><p>“That’s perfectly normal, Valentina. </p><p>Okay, it looks like you’re all set. I’m just going to put some ultrasound gel on your lower abdomen and we can take a look at things.” Dr. Mendoza tucked a towel into Valentina’s pants and proceeded to spread the gel around. </p><p>Juliana was by Valentina’s head, her left hand holding Valentina’s while her right played with soft light brown hair. Staring into each other’s eyes, Valentina almost jumped when she felt the probe on her abdomen. </p><p>What felt like hours later Dr. Mendoza finally looked away from the screen, “okay, this actually looks really good. The ultrasound indicates that there are no cysts present and it looks like you’ve actually dropped an egg.” Dr. Mendoza was all smiles. </p><p>“I’m sorry, but what does that mean. Is she ready?” Juliana had spent hours doing research on what was to be expected, she didn't want to sound stupid, but she just needed to hear it from Dr. Mendoza herself. </p><p>“No, don’t be sorry Juliana. What that means is that Valentina is ovulating. She’s ready for the insemination.” </p><p>Julian’s smile was involuntary. She looked at Valentina and gave her a quick kiss to her forehead. </p><p>“We’re actually going to do it now, if that is okay with you Valentina.” Valentina could only nod. This was it. </p><p>“If you could take off your pants and underwear and hop back onto the examination table that would be great. Here is a drape sheet to cover your lower half with. Please take your time. I’ll go get the vial and all the tools and we’ll get started whenever you’re ready.” Dr. Mendoza explained as she handed Juliana a sheet to cover Valentina with. </p><p>As soon as Dr. Mendoza left the room, Valentina got off the bed and removed her clothes, as Juliana helps her onto the examination table and dutifully covers her up she can't help but take a deep breath. “Are you ready?” Valentina nods in response, holding Juliana’s hand she kisses Juls’ knuckles. “No matter what happens today, baby, we will have a family okay?” She's reassuring Juliana as much as she's reassuring herself. </p><p>They share a soft kiss before they hear a knock at the door and Dr. Mendoza comes back in. </p><p>“Okay ladies, let’s do this.” Oddly enough this makes Valentina laugh, it reminds her of Isabelle on their wedding day, any tension she previously felt is easily evaporated thinking about that day. </p><p>“Okay, Valentina if you can please put your legs up on these stirrups,” Dr. Mendoza asks as she helps Val, “I’m going to explain every step I’m taking okay.” After a nod from both girls, she gets her supplies ready. </p><p>“This is a speculum. I’m just going to put some lubricant on it and insert it into your vagina. It’s just like the one you use when you get a pap smear. It will gently hold the vaginal walls opens so we can perform the insemination.” Dr. Mendoza shows them the tool that Juliana can’t help but picture as a duck’s head. She tries her hardest not to laugh, but with the look Valentina gives her, she knows she’s not successful in containing her mirth. </p><p>“Okay, I’m going to insert it now. With the lubricant it shouldn’t hurt.” As Dr. Mendoza slowly inserts the speculum, Valentina can’t help but squeeze Juliana’s hand in preparation. In an effort to ease her wife’s tension, Juliana bends down to whisper into Valentina’s ear, “oh please. You know mine is bigger.” Valentina can’t help but laugh out loud, not even noticing that the speculum was already inserted without her noticing. </p><p>It takes everything in Dr. Mendoza to pretend she didn’t hear anything. Although she would have loved to see Juliana’s face if she knew. Something tells her that Juliana would have blushed from her toes to her cheeks. </p><p>“Alright, good job Valentina. Okay, I have attached the vial of sperm to the catheter and will then insert it into your vagina and into your cervical opening. Juliana can you kindly confirm this is your name on the vial?” Juliana takes a quick look and sees it is in fact the correct one. </p><p>“Is it ever… not the right one?” Juliana asks, trying to be funny but she’s actually a little worried. </p><p>“No, never. Well never in my career. Just protocol don’t worry,” Dr. Mendoza laughs when she sees Juliana physically relax. </p><p>Dr. Mendoza expertly inserts the catheter into Valentina’s cervical opening, the patient not feeling a thing. </p><p>“Juliana, would you like to do the injecting?”</p><p>Juliana looks to Dr. Mendoza and then to Valentina. “I... I’m not... I – “ </p><p>“It’s okay babe. You don’t have to do it.” Valentina tries to get Juliana to look at her. She really means what she said, she doesn’t want Juliana to do anything she’s not comfortable with. </p><p>“I just- I don’t want to do something wrong. I don’t want to hurt you.” Juliana looks into understanding blue eyes. She just wants this to go perfectly. Medically perfect at least. </p><p>“I promise. It’s okay. Come up here and kiss me while the doc knocks me up.” This makes Juliana smile. Finally. </p><p>“Go ahead, Dr. Mendoza.” Valentina gives the doctor the go ahead, but she only has eyes for Juliana. </p><p>Once the insemination is completed, Dr. Mendoza removes that catheter and the speculum. “Great. All done.” </p><p>“That’s it? She didn’t even feel anything.” Juliana can’t help but marvel. “That’s it!” Dr. Mendoza affirms with a smile. “So, Valentina, I’m just going to ask you to lay down for about 30 minutes. I’ll be back shortly okay?” Valentina nods. </p><p>“Also, once you’re back home take a pregnancy test in 14 days. Try not to do it before. No matter what symptoms you might be feeling. Doing it any earlier may give you a false positive or a false negative reading, okay?” Dr. Mendoza added before she began to gather her things to leave. </p><p>“You shouldn’t feel any pain. But if you do experience any light spotting for a day or two it’s completely normal.</p><p>“And girls,” they both look to her, “try to relax okay?” “Easier said than done, doc.” Juliana can’t help but comment. </p><p>XXXX</p><p>Valentina was not a patient person. Not when she really wanted something. She could remember sneaking around the house on Christmas eve to try and catch a glimpse at Santa. Or waking up at 5:00 am and demanding to open presents. She still does this, much to Juliana’s displeasure. </p><p>Waiting two weeks, 14 whole days, to find out if they were going to have a baby was like someone was pulling out her teeth without any anesthetics. </p><p>The days since the insemination were grueling. Valentina would stare at the calendar Juliana put up on their fridge. “Pee on stick” circled in a red marker. Pee on stick. Day 14. How was Valentina supposed to wait? Maybe the calendar that she forced Juliana to buy was a bad idea. </p><p>Valentina went to work, kissed her wife, and acted as normal as she could counting down those days. But the red circle was always on her mind. Juliana was no better. She couldn’t stop picturing pregnancy sticks with one line or two lines on them. In an effort to get out of her own head she tried to focus on work. She would spend her days drawing new designs, ones that would later come to be some of the best work she produced. </p><p>On the night of day 13, Juliana held Valentina’s naked form in her arms. They made love that night, Juliana’s whispers of <em>I love you</em> and <em>no matter what happens tomorrow we’ll try again</em> brought Valentina over the edge. Multiple times. </p><p>Its early when Valentina wakes up. Juliana is spooning her from behind and she feels a sense of warmth and comfort in those arms. But she also feels nervous and anxious. She slowly turns to face her wife. She wants the test to be positive, she wants this for them so much. To have a little baby that looks like Juls is her dream. </p><p>“It’s creepy when you watch me sleep.” Juliana mumbles, eyes still closed. </p><p>“it’s pee on stick day.” Is all Valentina says. Slowly Juliana opens her eyes. “I’ll come with you.” She wants to make sure Valentina knows she’s there to support her 100%. </p><p>“Wait here? I’ll bring the test here and we can wait for the results together.” This bed and her wife’s arms are her safe place. If Valentina was being honest, she felt different. There was something in her that was different in the last couple of days. But she didn’t dare say this out loud. What if it wasn’t true? What if it was just nerves?</p><p>Juliana cupped her face and kissed Valentina. One of those kisses that make Valentina swoon. “No matter what happens, it’s me and you in this together. Forever. If its negative, we try again. If it’s positive I’m making pancakes.” Juliana tries to smile through her nerves. </p><p>Valentina gets up and goes to the washroom. She opens the pregnancy test and pulls down her pants. <em>Please be positive. Please be a yes. Please. Please. Please.</em> Is on a loop in her head.  </p><p>Once she pees on the stick, she closes the cap, washes her hands, and comes back into the bedroom. Juliana is propped up against the pillows resting against the head rest. Lana sensing it’s a big day is laying by Juliana’s feet on the bed, the little pup providing the best support that she can. No one has the heart to tell her to get off. </p><p>Valentina puts the stick on the side table and crawls onto the bed to straddle Juliana’s lap. Instantly Juliana wraps her arms around Valentina, with fingers on her chin, she tilts Val’s face to look at her. “I love you.”</p><p>
  <em>2 minutes left.</em>
</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>
  <em>30 seconds left.</em>
</p><p>The timer on Valentina’s phone goes off, but neither of them reach for the test just yet. It is such a surreal moment for Juliana. She’s never taken a pregnancy test before, but she wants this one to be positive so badly, it aches. </p><p>“Can you look?” Valentina shyly asks her. Juliana nods. She could do this for Val. Good news or bad she would be the one to feel it first. She’s always been protective of Valentina, and if this simple act of looking at the test first protects her wife, then she will do it over and over again. </p><p>
  <em>Negative.</em>
</p><p>Juliana closes her eyes. Valentina knows what that means, but she looks anyway. Just to be sure. They’re not pregnant. No baby. </p><p>Valentina’s bottom lip starts to tremble, and she’s immediately enveloped in Juliana’s arms. Words of encouragement are being echoed into her ears. But she’s not hearing them. She’s not pregnant either. </p><p>Valentina takes 3 more test, just to be sure. They all say the same thing. <em>Negative.</em></p><p>Juliana makes her pancakes anyway.</p><p>Over a week later Valentina gets her period. </p><p>XXXX</p><p>It was a little discouraging after the first failed attempt. But they knew the odds of getting pregnant on their first try was slim. That day was hard. If you asked Juliana it sucked. </p><p>But it also made them more determined. </p><p>After informing Dr. Mendoza of the negative pregnancy, they told her they were going to try again. This was just one month. It would work next time they were sure of it. </p><p>After Valentina’s period they repeated the whole process all over again. Valentina would take the ovulation test and once she had another positive result, they called the clinic. They once again went into the clinic and met with Dr. Mendoza, who offered her apologies but also offered her own words of encouragement with the confidence of someone that has seen this happen hundreds of times before. </p><p>They do the procedure again. When Dr. Mendoza asks Juliana again if she wants to inject the sperm, she still politely declines. But she did take Dr. Mendoza up on her offer to watch as she did it. To see that it’s not so scary. </p><p>After the second insemination they went home. Ready and determined for the next two weeks. Another “pee on stick” circled on the calendar. This time whenever Valentina or Juliana looked at it, they didn’t feel nerves, they felt hopeful. Positivity, that is what they would put out into the universe. </p><p>When day 14 came around again Valentina was sitting on the closed toilette seat while Juliana paced back and forth. </p><p>
  <em>2 minutes left.</em>
</p><p>Valentina could only look at her. Her head moving left to right like a tennis match. </p><p>
  <em>30 seconds.</em>
</p><p>Juliana stopped and looked at Val. “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>As soon as the word were out of Valentina mouth her alarm went off again. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she looked down at the test…</p><p>
  <em>Negative.</em>
</p><p>Valentina dropped the stick on the floor and buried her head in her hands. Tears flowing from her eyes. </p><p>Juliana got on her knees in between Valentina’s legs. She slowly pried Val’s hands from her face, wiping away the tears the best that she could. Tucking Val’s hair behind her ear, Juliana brought their foreheads together, cupping Val’s neck she slowly rubbed her thumb behind her ear. A motion that always calmed Valentina down. </p><p>“I promise you. One way or another we will have a baby. If it’s you, or if it’s me that has it, or if we adopt. Val, baby, I promise this will happen for us.” Brown eyes bore into sapphire blue. Valentina hugged Juliana and buried her head in Juls’ neck, sobbing for a dream that was starting to seem unattainable. </p><p>Juliana still made her pancakes. </p><p>Then they make love. Juliana tries to show Valentina her love and support in the most physical way she knows how. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>The third time they find themselves in Dr. Mendoza’s office when Val in ovulating, the doctor brings up some things to consider. </p><p>“I am going to do everything in my power to make this happen for you two. But one thing I want you to consider is the possibility of fertility drugs.” The couple, while heartbroken the past two months, still look as determined as ever. </p><p>“Valentina, you’re still dropping an egg every time you ovulate according to the ultrasound. So I don’t think we need any ovulation drugs or a trigger shot to induce the ovulation. But the fertility medication would just release one or two more eggs per ovulation. Just something to consider.” Dr. Mendoza tries to explain. </p><p>“So her egg is being a little stubborn and picky?” Juliana tries to joke. </p><p>It actually makes Dr. Mendoza laugh out loud. “Essentially yes. The sperm is as determined as ever, but that egg only wants the best swimmers.”</p><p>“Great, looks like we’re going to have another Juliana Valdes in the world with that stubbornness.” Valentina comments as she squeezes Juls’ hand. </p><p>“Actually. It’s Carvajal-Valdes. That Carvajal determination is no match for that stubborn egg.” Juliana fires back. It doesn't matter whose egg belongs to whom, or who's sperm it is. They were going to make this happen; they were going to have a baby. The tension and stress in the room is slowly easing with their banter. </p><p>“Maybe we’ll try one more time the ‘natural’ way and if it doesn’t work, we can look into the route of fertility drugs.” Valentina looks to Juliana who nods in agreement. They’ve already had this conversation; on some level they knew Dr. Mendoza would bring it up. </p><p>Dr. Mendoza preps Valentina again, and once again asks Juliana if she wants to try and injecting the sperm. </p><p>Juliana looks to Val, who is ready to tell her that it’s okay and she doesn’t have to do it. “Yea. I think I’ll like to try.” She admits, surprising both women. </p><p>“Alright, come around here and I’m going to hold the catheter steady. You can hold on to the top with one hand and push it in with the other whenever you’re ready.” Dr. Mendoza explains with a smile. She knew Juliana would cave one day. </p><p>Juliana looks into blue eyes, “ready?” Valentina nods. Juliana kisses Val’s knee by her face and pushes down on the syringe, “come on spermies. You can do this.” Her words of encouragement make Valentina laugh, a real laugh. She loves this woman so much. </p><p>This time when day 14 rolls around Juliana is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, pregnancy stick face down beside her, as Valentina leans against the wall. </p><p>
  <em>2 minutes left.</em>
</p><p>“I don’t think it’s going to work.” Valentina can’t help but remark. </p><p>“Then we try again.” </p><p>
  <em>30 seconds left.</em>
</p><p>“I love you.” Juliana repeats. Just like the last two times. Throughout this whole process she wants Val to know that no matter what, it wouldn’t be a lack of love that would prevent them from getting pregnant. </p><p>“I love you too.” </p><p>
  <em>Ding.</em>
</p><p>Valentina’s alarm goes off. Juliana picks up the pregnancy stick and just stares at it. There are tears streaming down her face. </p><p>Valentina lets out a resigned sigh and walks over to her wife, words of confront on the tip of her tongue. She cups Juliana’s face. </p><p>Before Val can utter a word, Juliana shows her the test. </p><p>
  <em>Positive.</em>
</p><p>“P-Positive?” Valentina can read it, but it won’t be true until Juliana confirms it. “It’s positive?” There are tears flowing from Valentina’s eyes. </p><p>“Yea baby. It’s positive.” Valentina is speechless. She looks into brown eyes. Valentina takes 3 more tests, again, just to be sure.</p><p>“We’re having a baby?” Valentina can’t help but asks. Pregnancy tests now forgotten.</p><p>“Yea, baby. We’re having a baby.” Juliana once again sits on the edge of the bathtub and puts her hands on Valentina’s waist, she pulls Val closer to her, and lifts her tank top up. Juliana kisses Val’s lower abdomen as Valentina’s hands run through dark brown hair. </p><p>“Hi baby. I’m your mama.” </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this one!<br/>please let me know if you have any questions (especially if your fist language is not English). </p><p>you guys are the best!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Little Bean</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for your kind words... I'm going to be so sad when you guys hate me...</p><p>There is a <strong>MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING</strong> in the notes at the end for this chapter. </p><p>This is the catalyst for the angst that is coming up. it's at the very end of the chapter. So I decided to put the warning at the end in case some people didn't want to know. But please read it first if you need to. </p><p>This took a different turn than I initially planned.... </p><p>I have updated the tags on this.. but please, please, please let me know if I need to do anything else. </p><p>I did say there was going to be angst....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>
  <em>“We’re having a baby?” Valentina can’t help but asks. Pregnancy tests now forgotten.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yea, baby. We’re having a baby.” Juliana puts her hands on Valentina’s waist, pulls Val closer to her, and lifts her tank top up. Juliana kisses Val’s lower abdomen as Valentina’s hands run through dark brown hair. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hi baby. I’m your mama.”</em>
</p><p>.</p><p>Valentina cups Juliana’s face and delicately encourages her to stand. There are tears in both their eyes. It’s positive. Their pregnant. </p><p>“It’s positive.” </p><p>This word is on repeat in Valentina’s mind. Like a loop she can’t stop and hopes plays on forever. Valentina doesn’t give Juliana any time to respond, she kisses her. A hard, deep kiss. One of those kisses that they’ll do anything so they don’t have to separate, soft moans echo through the washroom as they try to breathe through their nose just to stay connected. </p><p>They separate slowly. A single kiss to swollen lips, a kiss on a nose, on a cheek, on a forehead. Juliana brings their foreheads together; she wasn’t prepared for the emotions that coursed through her body. </p><p>“We should go to the clinic and get the blood test.” There is so much more Juliana wants to say but she can’t. Not just yet. She needs all kinds of proof that this is real. </p><p>“You have work, amor. I can go. We’re not even going to be able to get the blood tests right away.” Valentina tucks strands of silky brown hair over an impossibly cute little ear she wishes they baby would have. </p><p>“What? No. I’m going to go with you.” Juliana didn’t think there was any other option but to go with Valentina to confirm the pregnancy. What was the point of finally owning her own company if she couldn’t come in late once in a while? Especially if it was to prove she was going to be a mother. </p><p>The truth was Valentina didn’t want to go alone she wanted to Juliana to be there. But she didn’t want Juls’ work to fall. She has waited and worked so long and hard for this opportunity. </p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes, Val. There is no way I’m letting you go alone. We’re in this together okay.” Valentina can only nod. “Maybe I’ll tell them I’m going to work from home today and we can celebrate.” Juliana adds with a suggestive eyebrow raise. She doesn’t want to jinx anything, but she can’t help the elation she’s feeling. </p><p>“Well boss lady, I still have to go into work today. Not all of us own the company.” Val fires back as she walks out of the bathroom with a wink and spring in her step.</p><p>“Your name is on the building!” Juliana yells back with a laugh. </p><p>“Semantics.”</p><p>--</p><p>After calling the clinic to inform them of the situation, the couple get ready to go get a blood test and confirm what their hearts, and four pregnancy tests, tell them. They once again find themselves in the waiting room of the clinic. This time, however, Juliana can’t help but look around and actually look at all the women with their baby bellies. </p><p>Both of Juliana hands are holding onto Valentina’s left hand, playing with her fingers. She can’t wait for Valentina to start showing, all of the baby books she has hidden in her office at work say it won’t be until the 14th week or so. She’s so excited. Cautious but excited. </p><p>This time, when they’re escorted into the examination room, Juliana can’t stop moving. She’s constantly tucking Val’s hair behind her ear, kissing her knuckles, or just pacing. In fact, she’s making Valentina a little dizzy. </p><p>Valentina is sitting on the exam bed, legs dangling as she pulls Juliana towards her, “you know, I’m not sure if my nausea is because of the baby or your constant fidgeting around. You’re like the energizer bunny.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m just nervous. I hope it wasn’t a false positive. I read that it could happen. Are you sure you peed on it right?” Juliana’s babbling gets more and more high pitched. </p><p>“Babe trust me. I can pee on a stick,” Juls can help but look sheepish at Valentina’s words. Valentina kisses her forehead, “that’s why we’re here right? Just to confirm everything. It will be okay.” </p><p>Juliana nods and kisses her; she knows Val is right. Tell that to her nerves though. </p><p>“By the way, you read baby books?” Valentina wraps her arms around Juliana’s waist as Juls tries to look away. </p><p>“I’ve been catching up on some light reading.” Juliana needs to change the subject now. “Wait. Have you been nauseous?” Just remembering Valentina’s words.</p><p>“No, no. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’ve been feeling… weird, I guess? Like when your stomach feels funny. Nothing painful or anything. I wouldn’t even call it nausea.” She adds as she sees the concern in Juliana’s face. “I honestly thought it was nerves.”</p><p>“You’ll tell me, right? If you’re feeling sick or anything?” Juliana cups Valentina’s face and gives her a quick kiss. </p><p>Valentina sticks out her pinky finger, “pacto.” That deserves another kiss. Just for being cute. </p><p>Dr. Mendoza’s knock brings them out of their little bubble. “Good morning, ladies. Sara tells me it’s been an eventful day so far.” She comments as she enters, not realizing the moment she just interrupted. But she had an idea, if Juliana’s blush is anything to go by. </p><p>“Well we’re hoping you can make it an even better day.” Valentina pointed out. </p><p>“Alright Valentina let’s cut to the chase,” Dr. Mendoza prepared Valentina’s arm for the blood draw, “our lab here can actually do the blood test. It would just take a couple of hours or so, but we should have an answer for you soon.” </p><p>Once they finish up their appointment and leave the clinic, they both decided to work from home that day. Not to celebrate – not just yet at least. But so they can both be there for the phone call, neither of them were going to be able to concentrate until then. Just one quick stop to Juliana’s studio to check on some designs and with everyone at the office before they can be alone. </p><p>They were both in their home office which was actually their second bedroom. The walls were a light grey and the floor to ceiling windows allowed the sunlight to stream into the room, making it glow in the afternoon sun. Each of their desks were at one end of the room facing the window with Lanna’s bed in the middle. Behind them was a comfy two-seater couch which was used whenever one or the other needed a break. It was mainly used when Valentina pretended to unknowingly tease Juliana with her ‘I’m concentrating’ look. </p><p>Juliana was sitting at her drafting table working on some new designs and Valentina was at her desk reviewing an article that was due to come out later that week. Juliana’s eyes couldn’t help but drift to Val every now and then. She was in short shorts and a big t-shirt, she looked so cute. But what really got to Juliana was those damn glasses. </p><p>“I can feel your eyes boring into the side of my head.” Valentina commented without looking away from the computer in front of her. </p><p>Juliana smirked and turned her chair around to face the beauty before her, “it’s not my fault”</p><p>“Uh huh. So it’s mine then?” Valentina’s eyebrows were scrunched up as her tried to fix a poorly written sentence. </p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>With a sigh and quick <em>crtl + s</em>, Valentina saved her work and turned to face her bashful wife. She slowly got up and walked over to Juliana and straddled her lap, unconsciously bringing her phone with her. </p><p>“And what exactly did I do?” Valentina asked with a raised eyebrow. Making Juliana lose her capacity to form a sentence. </p><p>She wanted to be snarky or sarcastic but, “you’re just really pretty” came out. “And these,” Juls bopped the center of Valentina’s black rimmed glasses, “make it hard to concentrate on anything other than your pretty face.”</p><p>“Aren’t you quite the smooth talker.” Blue eyes bore into brown as Valentina bit her lower lip.</p><p>“Oh, you don’t play fair at all.” Juliana whispered as she held Valentina around her waist and inched closer to those teasing lips. </p><p>Just then Valentina’s phone rang, scaring the two. Juliana groaned and rested her forehead on Valentina’s chest. “Only answer that if it’s the clinic. Otherwise we’re busy” She said in between peppering kisses on Valentina’s neck. </p><p>“It’s the clinic.” </p><p>All teasing abruptly stopped as Juliana watched Valentina stare at the phone. “It’s okay. Answer it.” </p><p>Valentina accepted the call and put it on speaker, “Hello?” </p><p>“Valentina? It’s Dr. Mendoza.” They both hoped that the fact that they were hearing from the doctor herself was a good sign. “Hi Dr. Mendoza, both Juliana and I are here.”</p><p>“Hi ladies. I just wanted to call you and personally give you my congratulations. Your blood tests confirmed that you’re pregnant.” Juliana wrapped her arms around Val’s waist, as Valentina’s arms came around Juliana’s neck, in a bear hug. </p><p>“Thank you so much, Dr. Mendoza. You have no idea how amazing you have been and how happy we are to hear that.” Valentina tried to get out as tears formed in her eyes. </p><p>“Not a problem at all. It was my pleasure. I want you try and enjoy the next little while okay? And we’ll book you in for your next appointment in about 3 weeks for your first ultrasound, how does that sound?” </p><p>“Perfect. That… that sound perfect. Thank you.” </p><p>Once they got off the phone with Dr. Mendoza, Valentina put her phone on Juliana’s desk and cupped Juls’ face. </p><p>There were many moments in Juliana’s life, more so the ones that involved this precious human on her lap, where she could never find the right words. She always struggled to express how she felt. But looking into those blue eyes, Juliana realized that she didn’t need words. In these moments between them, one look said everything. It said, “I love you” and “I’m so happy to live this life with you” and “you’re going to be an amazing mother.” </p><p>No one knew who initiated it, but suddenly they were kissing. Deep kisses with their tongues battling for dominance. Valentina’s hands were buried in Juliana’s hear, her hips grinding into a flat stomach. Juliana’s hands snuck under Val’s shirt, softly caressing a still flat abdomen before securing her arms around Val’s waist. </p><p>Only once breathing became a problem did their lips separate. Valentina let out a loud moan as Juliana sucked on that one spot under her jaw. Her hands slowly worked their way to the hem of Val’s shirt as she slowly pealed it off of the girl on her lap. Juls’ lips immediately trailed down a long neck to the top of pale breasts, silently noticing a subtle difference. </p><p>Juliana secured her hands under Valentina’s bottom as she stood up, Val’s legs wrapped tightly around her waist, as Juliana carried the mother of her child out of the room and slowly made her way to the bedroom. Valentina kissed any exposed skin her lips could reach. </p><p>Once they entered the room Juliana reverently laid Valentina down on the bed. She cupped Val’s face and looked into ocean blue eyes. “I love you so much. Thank you for everything you’re doing to give us a family.” Juliana let out in a shaky breath. </p><p>Not giving Val a chance to respond, Juliana leaned in and kissed her while slowly dragging her hand to delicately rest on Valentina’s stomach. </p><p>“Juls, please. I need you.” Valentina begs in between desperate kisses. </p><p>Not needing any further encouragement, Juliana slowly pulls Valentina’s shorts and underwear off long legs. Ever eager to be with the woman below her, Juls disrobes herself of her own clothes, with much less tenderness. </p><p>Juliana crawls back on the bed, one knee situated between Valentina’s legs, as she braces the rest of her body on her left forearm. Sliding her right hand up Valentina’s incredible body, she slowly brushes her thumb over a nipple as she bites down on Valentia’s bottom lip. Causing the most glorious and impatient noise to escape her wife. </p><p>Valentina’s hands try to bring Juliana’s hips down, yearning for any friction she can. But Juliana resists. </p><p>“Juls… please” Valentina moans out. </p><p>Juliana pauses her ministrations and looks into Valentina’s eyes, “I don’t want to squish him.” Causing Valentina to let out the cutest giggle. </p><p>“Baby. You’re so cute.” Valentina loves the way they could go from passionate hunger, to sweet caresses, to laughing during the most intimate of moments. “First, it’s too soon to make bets on the sex,” she kisses Juliana’s nose, resulting in Juls' nose to scrunch up in that cute way it does whenever she’s embarrassed or being silly, “and second. I promise the baby is safe. You’re not going to hurt it. <em>Him</em>” She amends with an eye roll after a glare from Juliana.</p><p>“Don’t call him ‘it’. Its mean.”</p><p>Everything coming out of Juliana’s mouth right now is absolutely making Valentina swoon and fall further in love with the woman on top of her. “I promise. He’s practically in a fortress.” </p><p>Juliana knew this. Of course she did. But she would protect these two with her life. “Tell me if I hurt you okay? If I do something wrong.” </p><p>“The only thing that is wrong here is that your hands are no longer on my body.” Valentina remarks as she once again brings Juliana’s body on top of hers, letting out a breathy moan when they are finally connected. Stiff nipples rubbing against each other. </p><p>Juliana is the first to reattach their lips as her hand trails back down Valentina’s body to the heat in between Val’s legs. Juliana torturously circles Val’s clit before dragging a lone finger through her folds. </p><p>“Jesus, you’re so wet.” She comments as she works Val up further. </p><p>“You’re naked. That always makes me wet.” Valentina’s words cause a visceral reaction in Juliana. Her lips once again find Valentina’s. As the kiss deepens and Valentina’s hips uncontrollable rise, Juliana hooks Valentina’s left leg above her waist and squeezes the firm backside under her palm. </p><p>They both separate to let out dual moans when their centers touch, their own wetness smearing against the other. Juliana’s head in buried in Valentina’s neck, sucking on an elongated neck. </p><p>Valentina is about to take of her glasses when Juliana’s voice stops her, “leave them on.”</p><p>Their frantic thrusts edge them closer and closer to their release. </p><p>“Mmmm, fuck.” Valentina’s tries to say through her moans. “I fuck… I love the way... you fuck... me.” Her nails trail down Juliana’s back, pushing Juliana further into her, as her hands grab onto Juliana’s clenched backside. </p><p>“I love… you.” These words trigger Juliana’s release. With her forehead pressed into Valentina’s, she moans into Val’s mouth. Juliana’s post-orgasm twitches bring on Valentina’s own release. </p><p>As their hips slow their motion, Juliana eases Valentina’s leg back onto the bed. Before Val knows what’s happening Juliana is on her back, bringing Valentina with her. With her hand on the back side of Valentina’s upper thighs, Juliana brings Val up her body. Feeling the wetness drag along her skin, Julian positions Valentina’s center above her mouth. </p><p>Valentina, with hooded eyes, looks down to Juliana’s face as she positions herself at just the right position. Without any warning, Juliana holds onto Valentina’s thighs and runs her tongue through Val’s slick folds. </p><p>Up and down. Up and down. She sucks on outer lips before her own lips encircle Valentina’s clit.</p><p>“Oh fuck. Fuck me.” Valentina doesn’t even know what words are coming out of her mouth. The only thing on her mind is that she needs to cum. Again. </p><p>Valentina buries one hand in Juliana’s hair, the other grabs the headboard in a white-knuckle grip, as she unconsciously grinds her hips. She braces her forehead against her forearm as Juliana sucks on a protruding clit and slips two fingers into a drenched opening. </p><p>Valentina can’t control her hips or the volume of her moans. </p><p>“I’m close. I’m so close, baby. Make me cum.” These words are all the encouragement Juliana needs. She flicks her tongue up and down Valentina’s clit as she pumps her fingers in and out, faster and faster. She feels Val’s walls tighten, holding her fingers hostage as she sucks on Val’s clit. </p><p>Soon Valentina’s body spasms as her orgasm rips through her. The pain in Juliana’s scalp is worth it when she hears Valentina’s scream her name as she cums. </p><p>As Valentina calms down, breathing heavily, hands release dark brown hair and her head rests on her forearm.</p><p>Juliana slowly helps Valentina lay back down. She covers them with the sheets as Valentina snuggles into her. Arms and legs intertwined, Juliana kisses Val’s forehead as she pushes sweaty hair off of Val’s forehead. </p><p>“Holy shit, that was amazing. How does it get better and better every time?” Valentina’s can’t help but voice her inner thought as she tries to regulate her breathing. </p><p>“Are you okay? Are you feeling alright?” Juliana asks as she threads her fingers through Valentina’s hair. </p><p>Valentina lifts her head and rests her chin on Juliana’s chest, “yes, baby. I’m perfect.” </p><p>“You’re not feeling sick right? How’s your stomach? Is it still queezy? I can-“</p><p>“Juls. Sweetheart?” Valentina raises off of Juls’ chest, holding herself up with her elbow on the bed, and her head in her hand, “amor. I’m okay. I’ll tell you if I don’t feel well okay?” she kisses Juliana. Slowly and deliberately. </p><p>“I know, I’m sorry.” Juliana cups Val’s face, “I just… I just want to make sure you’re okay.” There so much more that she wants to say, but this sums it up. Juliana can’t believe that she is here, that she’s going to have a baby with this goddess. She just wants everything to go perfectly. They deserve perfect. </p><p>“Do you think we should tell anyone? Like our parents?” Juliana wants to shout the news from the roof tops. But Val’s face tells a different story, “I can’t wait to tell everyone. But… maybe we can wait? The first trimester is a really tricky one and I don’t want to tell everyone and then something happens.” </p><p>“No, of course. That makes a lot of sense. Sorry,” Juliana shakes her head and looks at Valentina through her eyelashes, “I think I just got a little excited.”</p><p>Valentina kisses her nose, “don’t ever apologise for being excited.”</p><p>“You know, when I was a kid and I wanted something really, really badly,” Juliana has that faraway look in her eyes as she speaks. There is a fondness but also a little sadness in them. “I wouldn’t tell anyone. I would keep it to myself-”</p><p>“No surprise there-” Valentina kisses her after receiving a glare.</p><p>“I was always scared that I wouldn’t get to have it. That I won’t be one of those kids with that toy or a new friend to play with.” These words instantly create a more somber mood. </p><p>“But this kid. Our kid. He’s not going to worry about wishing for something he can’t have. I’m going to give him everything.” She looks at Val, tears brimming in her eyes. </p><p>Valentina just kisses her. She can’t wait to have a family with this woman. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>6 Weeks</strong>
</p><p><strong>4:12 am</strong><br/>
Something stirs in Juliana’s subconscious, something telling her to wake up. She feels cold. Where’s Val?</p><p>All of a sudden Juliana hears coughing and she sits up immediately. </p><p>Valentina’s not on her side of the bed, but the light to their bathroom is on. Juliana gets out of bed and makes her way over. The sight breaks her heart a little. </p><p>Valentina is hunched over the toilette, “oh baby. Why didn’t you wake me?” Juliana slides up to her and holds Val’s hair.</p><p>“Ugh. I think I jinxed it when I said I was fine.”</p><p>Juliana quickly gets up and runs a small towel through cold water when she sees Valentina flush the toilette. She sits back down against the tub and brings Valentina to rest in front of her, Val’s back to Juls’ chest. Ever so slowly and lovingly she begins to wipe Valentina’s face and she kisses Val’s forehead. </p><p>“I just had this urge to throw up. I didn’t even have time to wake you.” Val’s voice is getting that dreamy, sleepy tone back to it. </p><p>“Do you feel better? Can I get you anything?”<br/>
“No babe. I’m actually fine. I don’t even feel nauseous anymore.” Valentina admits with chuckle. </p><p>“Come on, let’s get your teeth brushed and we can go back to bed. It’s only four in the morning we can still get some sleep before work.”</p><p>Juliana carefully helps Valentina into bed. Even though Val feels fine, she loves this protective nurturing side of her wife. Juls places the bottle of water that she got while Val was brushing her teeth by the side of the bed. </p><p>Before she can pull the cover over Valentina, Juliana bends down and kisses Val’s stomach, “hey buddy. Let’s take it easy on your mommy okay. Maybe wait until a decent time for her to throw up everything she ate. Love you.” She feels Val’s fingers run through her hair and when she looks up, she sees tears in Val’s eyes. </p><p>“Hormones.” Juliana laughs and gives Val a quick kiss before sliding into bed behind Val and wrapping her arms around her wife. She has her whole world in her arms, and she couldn’t be more thankful.</p><p>
  <strong>8 Weeks</strong>
</p><p>The couple is back in Dr. Mendoza’s office, laughing and trading little kisses as they wait for the doctor to come in. Valentina is already on the examination table with her pants low on her waist as she laughs at Juliana trying to tell her non-existent baby bump corny jokes. Valentina’s laugh is Juliana’s favorite sound in the world, she would do anything to hear it every day of their lives. </p><p>“We’ll you two are in a good mood today.” Dr. Mendoza’s words cause Juliana to stand upright, making Valentina laugh even more at the blush covering her wife’s face. </p><p>“Sorry, Dr. Mendoza. Juls is being silly this morning.” Valentina just shrugs at the playful glare she receives from her wife. </p><p>“Oh god no. Don’t ever apologise for that.” Dr. Mendoza sits down beside Valentina and starts up the ultrasound machine, “how have you been Valentina?”</p><p>“Good actually.”<br/>
“Any symptoms you’re concerned about?” </p><p>“Not really,” Valentina looks to Juliana who just nods, “I had some morning sickness like two weeks ago and then again maybe a couple of days ago. But it hasn’t been consistent”</p><p>“I read that that could happen?” Juliana adds. She refuses to admit to Valentina that every time she has a break at work she’s reading those baby books. But the cheeky grin Val is giving her right now is definitely giving that secret away. </p><p>“Yes, actually that’s quite normal. Many women have a very easy first trimester.</p><p>“Alright, Valentina I’m just going to put the ultrasound gel on your abdomen, and we can get right into it, okay?” Before Valentina can nod, Juliana pipes up, “I just have one question.”</p><p>The seriousness in Juliana’s voice throws Valentina off. She squeezes Juls’ hand to try and get her attention, but Juls just looks at Dr. Mendoza. </p><p>“She’s craving olives and Nutella. Together. It’s revolting, doc. This can’t be normal.” She yelps at the pinch to her side. “Jesus Juliana. You scared me.” </p><p>Dr. Mendoza can only laugh, “I have you admit you had me there for a second. Sadly, Juliana things like that are also completely normal.”</p><p>With a kiss Valentina’s forehead and wink, Juliana holds Val’s hand, her other arm is on the bed over Val’s head. Dr. Mendoza carefully places the probe on Valentina’s stomach. </p><p>The couple wait with a bated breath as Dr. Mendoza turns the screen to face the two, “see this right here?” she points to an oblong shaped circle, “that is the amniotic sac. And this little bean right here. That’s your baby.” </p><p>Valentina has tears in her eyes, but Juliana is speechless just staring at the screen, she feels Val kiss her on the cheek. When she faces her wife, she can’t help but allow a single tear to escape her eyes. </p><p>“That’s our little bean.” Valentina says as she wipes away the offending tear. All of a sudden, the most beautiful sound Juliana has ever heard invades her ears. </p><p>
  <em>lubdublubdublubdub</em>
</p><p>“Is that…?” Tears are threatening to spill from Valentina’s eyes. </p><p>“Yes. That’s the heartbeat. Strong and steady.”</p><p>Juliana kisses Valentina. She doesn’t know how to show her pure joy but kiss the woman responsible for all of her dreams coming true. </p><p>
  <strong>9 Weeks</strong>
</p><p>Juliana is cooking dinner when Valentina walks into the kitchen with the cutest pout on her face. </p><p>“What’s the matter, baby.” Juliana can’t help but laugh. Valentina looks adorable with that face. </p><p>“Juls! I can’t button up my jeans!” This just makes Juliana laugh even more. But she immediately shuts up when she sees Val’s death glare and arms crossed. It doesn’t last long though. How can she not laugh when Val has that face and her pants are unbuttoned?</p><p>“Juls!” Valentina actually stomps her foot. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You just look just like Isabelle when she doesn’t get what she wants. It’s so cute.</p><p>“What’s wrong, mi amor?”</p><p>“My jeans won’t button up,” que the pout, “am I fat?” Juliana can only roll her eyes as she walks up to Valentina and wraps her arms around Val’s waist. </p><p>“Babe, your pregnant. You’re not even showing. This is perfectly normal.” She tries to reason. </p><p>“Did you read that in one of your books?” Val’s petulant question still makes Juliana smile. </p><p>“Yes, smart ass. I did.”<br/>
“Fine.”</p><p>Without warning Valentina kisses Juliana’s nose and walks away. Juliana just stands there shaking her head. This woman will be the end of her one day. </p><p>Once dinner is ready, they sit down to start eating, Valentina has opted for her flowy black pants instead of those pesky jeans. “I got you something.” Valentina’s voice brings Juliana out of her musings.</p><p>“You got me something? What’s the occasion?” Valentina shrugs, “I saw it and I just thought of you.”</p><p>Val hands her a small gift bag. Deciding not to let the suspense kill her, Juliana opens its right away. Inside the bag is the cutest, and smallest, pair of grey baby converse shoes. </p><p>“They are the same color as yours. I couldn’t help myself. I know we’re not buying baby things until the second trimester. But I couldn’t help it. You guys can match.” Valentina rambles on with a little shrug.  </p><p>Juliana cups Val’s cheeks, “I love you. And I love these.” She says before she kisses Val. </p><p>
  <strong>11 Weeks</strong>
</p><p><strong>4:36am</strong><br/>
Valentina feels a sharp pain in her stomach. She curls into a fetal position. She’s facing away from Juliana, but she needs her. </p><p>“Juls…” her voice is soft.  <em>Louder!</em></p><p>“Ahh… Juls.” The pain is getting worse. Something is wrong. </p><p>“Juls…” there are tears in her eyes. </p><p>“Val?” Juliana groggily turns to face Valentina. She raises herself with her elbow, “Val, what is it?” But Valentina can’t move. The pain is unbearable. </p><p><em> No no nonono</em> is running through Valentina’s head. </p><p>“Va-” Juliana stops there is something wet under her hand. She quickly turns to the other side and turns on the light. </p><p>Her hand. </p><p>It’s red.</p><p>Blood.</p><p>She turns back to Valentina and sees a pool of blood under Val. She jumps out of bed and races to Valentina’s side.</p><p>Valentina is clutch her stomach, she doesn’t want to move, the pain is too much. <em>Help me.</em></p><p>“Val? Valentina? What’s happening? What are you feeling?” Juliana knows but she’s frozen she doesn’t know what to do. </p><p>“Juls… it hurts.” </p><p>Juliana grabs Valentina’s phone, her hands are shaking so much she can’t unlock it. She almost drops the phone twice. </p><p>She doesn’t know what to do. </p><p>“Juls… no no no no.” Valentina is wailing into the pillow. </p><p>“911. What’s your emergency?”</p><p>“Please send someone. My wife… she…she’s pregnant and she’s bleeding. A lot. And has severe pain. Please.”</p><p>“Okay, ma’am what’s your address?”</p><p>Juliana rattles off the address as she rushes to the dresser. She grabs the first pair of pants she sees. </p><p>“Juls, don’t leave me.”<br/>
“I’m not baby, I’m not. I’m just getting you some pants okay? We’re going to go to the hospital.” </p><p>“Please hurry.” She begs the operator. </p><p>Juliana quickly grabs a menstrual pad and puts it on a new pair of underwear. She can’t stop shaking. She doesn’t even remember putting on the random pants she somehow finds. </p><p>“The ambulance is already on the way. What's your name?”</p><p>“Ju-Ju-Juliana.” She’s crying. She can hear Valentina moan in pain, and she doesn’t know how to stop it. </p><p>“Please come. Please help her. I don’t know what to do.” </p><p>“Okay Juliana. I need to breathe for me okay. I need you to take a deep breath. Your wife needs you Juliana. Breathe for her okay.”</p><p>“Juls… Please…”</p><p>“Okay. But please hurry. I – I think…” she can’t say it. How does she make this stop? </p><p>“I think she’s having a miscarriage.”</p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><strong>MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING</strong><br/>Blood and miscarriage. </p><p>The next chapter is going to be a hard one as it goes into the girls' emotions... so if you don't want to read it you don't have to.<br/>But I PROMISE!! the chapter after that will be them getting better. </p><p>This is something that happens to many, many people so I felt it was important to add it. But I SWEAR you guys will get your happy ending. You'll get all the cute and protective stuff. I promise. </p><p>Please don't be too mad....</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. What about me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys! Thank you for your kind words! I was so worried lol</p><p>I've been thinking about this chapter since I wrote the wedding scene! So I really hope comes out okay.<br/>It's a sad one... well. I think it is. </p><p>TRIGGER WARNING:<br/>mentions of blood and the miscarriage. </p><p>ALSO! This is more in Juliana's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Ju-Ju-Juliana.” She’s crying. She can hear Valentina moan in pain, and she doesn’t know how to stop it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please come. Please help her. I don’t know what to do.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay Juliana. I need to breathe for me okay. I need you to take a deep breath. Your wife needs you Juliana. Breathe for her okay.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Juls… Please…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay. But please hurry. I – I think…” she can’t say it. How does she make this stop? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think she’s having a miscarriage.”</em>
</p><p>.</p><p>
-Juliana’s POV-
</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>“Val, baby. I’ll be right back.” Juliana can’t see straight. Tears are flowing in torrents down her face. </p><p>“No, don’t leave me. It hurts. Please.” </p><p>“I’m not, I’m not. I’m just going to unlock the door okay. The ambulance is on the way.” Juliana gives a Valentina a shaky kiss to the forehead and bolts out the door. She races downstairs to unlock the door and runs back into the bedroom. </p><p>Valentina is groaning in pain. She’s still bleeding. </p><p>Lanna is cowered in the corner, whimpering, she doesn’t know what’s going on. </p><p>Juliana slowly sits Valentina up, but she is still bent over in pain. “Val. I’m just going to take your underwear off okay. I’m going to give you a new one.” </p><p>Blood. There’s so much blood. </p><p>Juliana peels off Val’s sodden underwear and puts a new one, with a pad, on her. She tries not to look at the blood on Valentina’s thighs. After the underwear is on, she puts a pair of jogging pants up Valentina’s legs. </p><p>“Juls. The baby.” Valentina is in so much pain, but her heart is shattered. She knows what’s happening and she can’t stop it. </p><p>“Shh. Let’s just get you to the hospital okay?” Juliana still has blood on her hands, but she can hear the ambulance outside their building. </p><p>She delicately scoops Val up in her arms and carries her downstairs. Valentina’s arms are wrapped tightly at her neck. </p><p>“Please no. Please no.” Is all she is saying into Juliana ear. While <em>be strong. Be strong for her.</em> Is echoing in Juliana’s mind. </p><p>As they get to the bottom of the stairs the paramedics come in with the stretcher. They help Juliana put Valentina down and begin to monitor and check her while securing her for transport. </p><p>“No. Juls. Don’t leave me. Please.” Valentina is thrashing in pain and worry. She needs Juls with her. </p><p>“I’m right here. I’m coming.” Juliana grabs the first pair of shoes she sees as she follows the paramedics out the door. When they’re in the ambulance she looks down. </p><p>It’s her grey converse. </p><p>She’s shaking. She hasn’t stopped. The only reason she is functional right now is due to pure adrenaline and blinding fear. </p><p>--</p><p>Once they are in the hospital room, Valentina is hooked up to monitors and needles, Juliana doesn’t know what’s happening. All she knows is they did tests and are awaiting the results. </p><p>Valentina hasn’t said a word since she begged Juliana not to leave her. Her pain is less due to the medication she’s on, but they both know what happened. </p><p>Dr. Lopez, their OBGYN recommended by Dr. Mendoza, finally walks in. </p><p>“Valentina, Juliana. Your blood test shows a low hCG level and... based on the physical exam and ultrasound…” Valentina has Juliana’s hand in a death grip, but Juls can’t feel it. She can’t feel anything. She buries her head in Valentina’s neck as Dr. Lopez utters her worst fears. </p><p>“I’m so sorry. But you suffered a miscarriage.” All Valentina can hear is ‘you’ and ‘miscarriage.’ <em>You suffered. You. You. You. This is your fault</em> is the only thing in her head. </p><p>“No no nononono.” Valentina sobs. </p><p>Dr. Lopez gives them the decency to grieve and breakdown in private. They cling to each other. They both need someone to prevent them from floating away. From never being able to come back from this. </p><p>Juliana doesn’t know what to say. Why does this always happen to her. Why can she never find the fucking words. Valentina needs her and she doesn’t know what to say.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry.” Nothing can stop the pain they both feel. But Juliana hopes, she begs whatever higher power is out there, that her presence is helping her wife. </p><p>Valentina doesn’t say anything else. </p><p>Dr. Lopez comes back into the room and quietly approaches they couple. Juliana is trying to wipe away Valentina’s tears, but she stops when she sees the remnants of blood on her hands. </p><p>“I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” This is the worst part of Dr. Lopez’s job. “It looks like the physical pain has stopped and the bleeding has subsided. But Valentina,” Dr. Lopez waits for red rimmed eyes to look at her, “you may bleed for a couple more days. Try not to use any tampons, use pads instead, okay?” Valentina can only nod. </p><p>“We’re going to keep you here for a couple more hours to monitor you.</p><p>“We had to… get rid of your soiled clothing. So Juliana, if you maybe want to grab some clothes for her?” Dr. Lopez asks. </p><p>“What? No, I don’t want to leave her. Maybe we should call our parents?” Juliana asks the doctor. </p><p>“No.” Valentina’s voice is raw from crying. It’s strangely stoic. “Don’t call them. I don’t want them to know.” </p><p>“Val-”</p><p>“No. Please.” Juliana just nods and looks to the doctor. </p><p>“Whatever you’re feeling Valentina I want you to feel it okay. This is not going to be an easy process.” While the words are not uplifting, they are honest, and honestly is what Valentina needs right now. </p><p>“I can give you some scrubs to wear when you leave if you like.” Dr. Lopez tries to offer. It doesn’t look like Juliana wants to leave. She doesn’t blame the younger girl. </p><p>“Juls…” Valentina cups Juliana’s face with both hands as she ties to get Juls’ attention. </p><p>“No Val. Please. Please don’t make me leave.” </p><p>“Baby, I don’t want to walk out of here in scrubs. Please. Can you get me some clothes?” She tries to calmly ask. Juliana had tears streaming down her face. </p><p>“Please Val, I wanna be with you. Please don’t make me go.” Juliana sounds so young and innocent. Like that little girl that just wanted someone to play with. </p><p>“Please Juls. Just an hour or an hour and half tops. Go home and get me some clothes and then I want you right back here.” Juliana wants to say no. </p><p>“Please Juls. I just need a minute. Just to be alone for a bit. But I want you right back here, okay.” Valentina feels bad. She knows with this line Juliana will do as she asks. </p><p>“Okay…” Juliana looks down, despite the fact that Valentina is hold her head up. She looks so sad. And Valentina feels worse. </p><p>“I’ll be back soon.” She kisses Valentina softly. She’s not sure if it’s okay, but she does it anyway, she needs that comfort. She doesn’t have her phone, she barely remembered to grab her keys, so she uses the phone in the room to call a taxi. </p><p>With her shoulder slumped and a deep, aching sadness reverberating through her entire body, Juliana slowly leaves the room. </p><p>She walks to the waiting car and eventually up the elevator to their apartment in a trance. She doesn’t even know if they locked the door when they left. </p><p>She doesn’t want to spend too much time away from Valentina, so Juliana quickly runs up the stairs but stops dead in her tracks. There is blood on the bed. So much blood. And Valentina’s clothes are on the floor. She can’t look at this. Her knees buckle under her and she falls to the ground and buries her head in her hands and just wails. A guttural cry escapes her body. </p><p>She cries for her wife. For their baby. For the life they could have had. </p><p><em>Get. Up. Get up and go be with her.</em> She can’t do this. She can’t falter or fall apart. She has to be there for Valentina. </p><p>She quickly strips of her clothes and throws them in the washer before she scrubs her hands clean. Her vision of the pink water is blurred by the tears in her eyes. </p><p>As Juliana heads back into the room she sees the little pair of grey converses on top of their dresser. It almost makes her knees buckle again. She quickly takes them and tucks them safely in the bed side drawer on her side of the bed.</p><p>Before she can linger on them any longer, Juliana gathers the solid sheets and underwear and tosses it into a bag to throw away. She’s not going to bother washing it. Luckily the mattress is not too stained so she scrubs it the best that she can. She throws on proper clothes and packs a small bag of clothes for Valentina. Once she’s set, she replaces the sheets and runs downstairs. </p><p>Breathing deeply; she steadies herself. </p><p>Lanna comes up to her and she almost breaks down again. But she hugs the puppy and checks to make sure she has enough food and water. “Don’t worry, girl. We’ll take care of her together okay?” She gets a lick to the chin in response. </p><p>She grabs their car keys, makes sure to lock the door, and runs to the car. She needs to be with Valentina. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>When they finally get home Juliana gently guides Valentina to the couch, she asks her if she wants to rest in the bed, but Val just shakes her head. So she helps Valentina lay down on the couch, puts a pillow under her head, and covers her with a blanket. She can’t resist placing a soft kiss to Val’s forehead.</p><p>“Is it okay if I sit with you?” <em>Silence.</em> The only response Juliana gets is shrug of her shoulders. </p><p>Things changed after that day.</p><p>And not slowly, where you can see the impending disaster at the end of the tracks, but with a force so extreme Juliana doesn’t know if she’s still breathing. </p><p>Every time Juliana tries to talk to Valentina, she gets one-word responses or just plain indifference. They miss two family dinners; Juliana desperately tries to come up with a believable excuse, and hopes it works. But what gets to Juliana is the fact that Valentina talks to everyone else normally. Or as close to it as she can. Juliana can see the strained one-sided conversation. She sees the way Valentina’s face changes when she hangs up the phone, as if the mask she had on needs to come off before it stays on her face forever. Yet Valentina won’t talk to her. It hurts her heart. </p><p>Every time Juliana tries to ask Valentina what she wants to eat she met with frustration and icy words of “nothing” or “I’m not hungry.” She doesn’t know what to do. When she comes home, Valentina is either still at the office or she locks herself in their home office. Juliana doesn’t know if she supposed to go to her and tempt the sleeping giant or let her be. So she prepares meals and leaves little sticky notes with heating instructions, and makes sure every single one of them has an ‘I love you’ at the end. She knows Valentina isn’t the best cook, so she does what she can just so Val can eat something. They only way she knows that Valentina eats it is because she sees the empty bowl, washed, and drying by the sink. But Valentina says nothing to her. It hurts her heart. </p><p>Juliana hears Valentina crying in the shower one day and knocks, “Val? Val can I come in?” All she gets is a “I’ll be out in a minute.” She rests her forehead against the door and wills it to unlock and open for her. “Please Val. Let me be there for you.” </p><p>Silence. It hurts her heart.</p><p>But what hurts the most is the way Valentina won’t go anywhere near her. When they are lying in bed and Juliana turns to kiss Valentina’s shoulder, and offers a sweet goodnight, she’s met with silence and Valentina’s body stiffening as Juliana’s arm comes in contact with her. Accidently or not. It hurts in a visceral way. To see the love of her life shy away from her destroys something inside her. This breaks her heart. </p><p>Some nights Juliana will hear Valentina crying when Val thinks Juliana is sleeping. It breaks her heart all over again; all she wants to do is comfort her wife. The few times she tries she’s, surprisingly, politely pushed away as Valentina asks to be alone. In those moments she doesn’t know what to do but stare at her hands or Valentina’s retreating form. </p><p>What did she do? Does Valentina blame her?</p><p>Other nights, when Valentina thinks Juliana is asleep, Juls feels her get out of bed. She caught Valentina asleep on the couch a couple of times. If anyone is going to be exiled to the couch Juliana thinks it should be her. So she waits until she thinks Valentina is asleep, gives her a soft kiss to the forehand and whispers “I love you. Even if you don’t love me back,” before she makes her way to the couch. Valentina should get the bed. She doesn't see Valentina cary and silently reach out to her. The last night Juliana held her wife was the night their baby died.</p><p>In the morning light Valentina goes to work while Juliana is in the shower. They act as ships in the night. Passing by each other and not even knowing it. The one thing that makes Juliana think they might one day be okay is that Valentina will always text her back. It’s the only time she can pretend that the words on her phone are in Valentina’s sweet voice and not the sad, apathy she witnesses in person. </p><p>It hurts so much. Juliana has no one to talk to. She’s still grieving the loss of the baby and of Valentina. They were better than this. They would talk about everything. Valentina ensured they did. But it’s been weeks and if it’s not indifference, Valentina is snapping at her. Sometimes she even welcomes the fight, at least this way Valentina still cares, but most of the time Valentina just says: “forget it” and walks away. </p><p>Juliana comes home from work on day to see a bottle of Mezcal on the counter. Valentina hasn’t drunk alcohol to forget her pain in years. But instead of being understanding, Juliana is mad. She’s hurt and she’s mad and she’s scared. </p><p>So when Valentina walks in the door, Juliana bypasses any pleasantries, it’s not like they are even retuned anyway. “Are you drinking now?” Silence. Again. </p><p>“Seriously? You can’t answer a simple question?” </p><p>“I don’t need a third degree from you right now. It’s not a big deal, I had one drink. What are you my mother? Relax.” Valentina’s words hit Juliana like a freight train. <em>Mother</em></p><p>This is the closest they have ever come to remotely talking about the situation. </p><p>It takes a minute for Juliana to regain her breathing. Before she can open her mouth to say something, anything, to Valentina about the elephant in the room Val beats her to it. “I’m going to take a shower.” </p><p>“Valentina.” Silence. Again.</p><p>XXXXX</p><p>The epic show down begins a few nights later. It’s now been about a month since they lost the baby. And about a month since Juliana had felt any kind of affection from her wife. She tries to understand. Valentina lost a baby; she physically went through that turmoil. So, Juliana tries to be patient. But what about her? She lost a baby too. And the only person that can help her can’t even look at her. </p><p>Juliana gets home a little later than usual. It’s been easier this way. She didn’t want to bury her grief in her work but it’s her only option. Valentina doesn’t want anyone to know. And while she could go to Lupe, she feels like she’s betraying her wife. Which makes her even more angry. Valentina is inadvertently controlling her grief and she’s not even there ease it. </p><p>It’s close to 9:00pm when she walks into a dark apartment. Lanna comes and greets her as soon as she enters. At least someone in this house is happy to see her. </p><p>Juliana once again sees the bottle of Mezcal on the counter and the rage inside her intensifies. She dumps the entire bottle into the sink. She’s had it. She’s going to confront Valentina whether she likes it or not. </p><p>She goes upstairs, argument already at the tip of her tongue, but as soon as she opens the bedroom door Valentina is nowhere to be seen. She checks the office. She even checks the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms, even though the lights are off and she knows Valentina is not there. </p><p>Even when they aren’t talking or avoiding addressing their issues, Valentina will text her back. She’s not heartless, even though Juliana is ashamed to admit the thought crossed her mind, deep down Valentina wouldn’t want Juliana to worry about her safety. She calls Valentina. She calls six times before she leaves a voicemail.</p><p>“Val, where are you. Please call me.” She angry, in fact she’s fuming, but she’s also scared. The last she heard from Valentina was this morning when Val responded a simple ‘ok’ when Juliana told her she would be late. </p><p>She calls again and sends multiple text messages. But nothing. No ‘read’ notification or call back. Juliana checks her social medias but sees nothing out of the ordinary. She doesn’t want to invade Valentina’s privacy, but she’s actually worried. No matter what Valentina always texted her back. Even if it was clipped or a one-word response. </p><p>She starts up Valentina’s computer, they have no secrets, at least they didn’t. But Juliana can feel something is wrong. She checks Val’s iMessage and doesn’t see any message alluding to where Valentina could be. Both sets of car keys are in the house since Juliana took the car today, so she knows that Val didn’t take the car and go off somewhere. A miracle considering the bottle of Mezcal on the counter.</p><p>She takes a deep breath. She tries to rationalize why Valentina wouldn’t be home at this hour. Maybe she’s with her brother? Or her dad? But Juliana doesn’t want to call and alarm them to the turmoil the couple have been going through the last month. </p><p>She decides to wait in the living room. She’s so scared something happened. She’s calls Valentina at least 50 more times and sends her twice as many text messages. She gives in and calls Guille, it’s almost 10:30 and if something happened to Val while she was being stubborn, she would never forgive herself. </p><p>But she’s not with him. So, Juliana calls Leon. She’s not with Leon either. Juliana can’t even remember the lie she told him as to why Valentina wasn’t home. She said something along the lines of they had a fight. She figured it was the easiest route to avoid any future questions. </p><p>She’s ready to call the police at it approaches midnight when Valentina stumbles in the apartment. Juliana is relieved and livid at the same time. Right now, anger outweighs concern, it’s an easier emotion to deal with. </p><p>“Where the hell have you been?”</p><p>“I went out. It’s not a big deal.” Valentina’s nonchalant response angers her further. </p><p>“Not a big deal Valentina? I called you 100 times. I was worried sick.” At least Valentina doesn’t look as drunk as Juliana expected her to. </p><p>“I didn’t hear my phone. I was out with some work people and lost track of time.” Valentina’s voice is strangely calm. </p><p>“You couldn’t have called me? Did I not cross your mind even once?”<br/>
“No mom, you didn’t” This is it. This is leading to a fight they might never come back from. </p><p>“Stop. Fucking. Calling me that.” Juliana has to take a deep breath she knows things are going to come out and she doesn’t want to say anything she’ll regret. But at this point Valentina needs to hear it. </p><p>“What the hell is going on with you?” It’s such a dumb question, Juliana knows this, but really that’s the crux of it all. She wants Valentina to tell her what is wrong. Even if Valentina’s words could destroy her. </p><p>Valentina deposits her things by the door and walks past Juliana to stare out the window, her lack of response baffles Juliana. </p><p>“I know what happened-”</p><p>“Don’t.” Valentina’s response is laced with venom. </p><p>“Don’t what? Talk about it? How can we not? We lost our baby Valentina. We need to talk about this.” Juliana’s words make Valentina whirl around, angry tears are streaming down her face. </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it. Why can’t you let me just process this on my own.”</p><p>“Process this? How exactly are you doing that? By drinking?” Juliana welcomes this fight. This is looking to be the most Valentina has spoken to her since that day. </p><p>“Say something.” But Valentina remains silent. Juliana doesn’t know how to reach her. </p><p>“I have never known a love so pure and igniting at the same time. You’re my happy ever after and I promise to fill your days with laughter and your nights with peace and security. I promise to make our life full of the sweetest love you’ve ever known. Because that is what you do for me. Every single day. I love you Val. And I will love you in a way that even poets can’t put into words. For the rest of my life” Juliana repeats a part of her vows verbatim. </p><p>“Those words Valentina, I meant them. I mean them. I love you so much. You’re my wife, we’re supposed to be there for each other. Let me be there for you. You’ve always been that person for me, let me do that for you.” Juliana is begging, pleading for Valentina to say something. Anything. </p><p>But Valentina just turns towards the window again. Juliana feels a strange fire scorch her insides. It’s not passion; it’s rage. She’s slowly teetering to her breaking point. Under all that rage though, is an unbearable sadness. Like every breath she takes requires every ounce of her being. It feels like the air around her is so thick, but she doesn’t know how to adequately express her sorrow.</p><p>“What about me? What about my pain? I needed you too” Juliana’s words come out with so much resignation and sadness in her voice it makes Valentina hold onto the windowsill so she doesn’t fall to the floor. </p><p>Juliana feels like she is always shrinking herself and her feelings for other people. Why can’t someone care about her. Why can’t someone ease her pain. Why is she the one that always has to do it.</p><p>“I’m sad too.” Juliana can’t see it, but Valentina’s face crumbles. She wants to will her legs to turn around and embrace is sad woman, but she can’t. </p><p>“You don’t talk to me. You snap. All I want to do is be there for you. You don’t have to say anything. But please stop hating me.” </p><p>Valentina can’t move. And for some reason she can’t vocalize why. So she tries to get angry, anything is better than sadness and grief and the astronomical amount of guilt she feels for not being there for her wife. But Juliana doesn’t know this inner monologue. All she sees is Valentina not caring about her pain.</p><p>“I don’t hate you.” Is all Valentina can get out. </p><p>“It seems like you do. You don’t let me near you. You don’t let me touch you. What-”</p><p>“That’s it then? You want sex?” At this Valentina turns around, “you just want to fuck me into talking to you.”</p><p>“Are you serious?” Juliana is flabbergasted, “at what point was what I just said about sex?” There is that anger that was rumbling at the surface. Juliana knows it’s going to come bursting out and spew all over their would-be happy ever after. </p><p>“I get it okay. I get that what you went through was horrible. I wish every single day that it was me. If that was the only way to take your pain away, I wish it was me. 1000 times over. I’ll take every ounce of pain you’ve ever felt so you don’t have to.” </p><p>Valentina just stares at Juliana, and that dullness in those once captivating blue eyes, are now raging with fury. </p><p>“No, you don’t know. You don’t know anything.” Valentina’s voice is eerily calm. Like those few seconds before the explosion rings out, as the whistling sound of the bomb sails through the air. </p><p>But it’s no match for Juliana’s pent up grief, she no longer cares how her words come out, the grief Valentina has prevented her from getting it out. </p><p>“Then tell me.” Juliana gets out through deep breaths. She’s trying to calm down, she really is, but Valentina’s blindness is infuriating her. And Valentina’s indifference to her pain is just turning her shattered heart into dust. </p><p>“I lost my baby. What the hell do you-”</p><p>“AND I LOST MY FAMILY!” Juliana bellows. Louder and angrier than she’s ever been. Why is Valentina pain more important than hers? Valentina just stares. She’s so thrown off guard. Finally that shield she out up to protect herself is crumbling; just like the brown-eyed girl in front of her. </p><p>“In case you didn’t remember I lost a baby too. You’re not the only one that went through this.” Juliana is so angry; tears are pouring down her face. </p><p>Valentina still hasn’t said anything. </p><p>“I know you went through that, physically. You had to feel that pain. And I hate myself for not taking that pain away from you.” Juliana’s voice, laced with anger, is now resigned. </p><p>“But the difference between you and I, Valentina, is that I lost you that night too. You may have lost that baby, but you’ve always had me. You’re my whole word, my best friend. I would do anything for you, just to ease some small fraction of your suffering. You didn’t have to ask; I would just do it. But all you’ve proven to me these last couple of weeks is that I’m not needed in your life except to be your punching bag. </p><p>“That night..." Juliana takes a deep breath. She hates that night. "That night I lost a baby and I lost you. I lost my family.”</p><p>Juliana just shakes her head at Valentina’s silence. This is it. This is how their epic romance ends. Turns out Valentina didn’t want forever with her after all. If she did, she wouldn’t make it seem like Juliana’s pain was inconsequential. She doesn’t see Valentina’s inner turmoil, if she did, Juliana would know that her pain is far from inconsequential. </p><p>“I can be here right now.” These words bring her to another time, when she was more insecure in their relationship, she should have listened to her past self. </p><p>Juliana turns around and walks towards the door, she just puts on her shoes when she feels long fingers lightly hold onto her wrist. But she doesn’t turn around. She’s put everything on the table. If Valentina still wants her, she’s going to have to say something. Anything. </p><p>After a moment of silence Juliana feels those fingers let go of her wrist. She waits, heart pounding in her chest, for Valentina to say something. Do something. </p><p>But nothing comes. </p><p>She once again shakes her head and reaches for the doorknob. </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know what you guys think.</p><p>Something that is also common in these situations is the rift it can cause between couples. </p><p>We don't know where Val's head is at. But we will soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Fight For Her</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all so, so much for your amazing comments! That was a really hard chapter to write (and read apparently) and you were all so supportive!<br/>It blows my mind how you guys always catch these small little things I throw in there. (like the shoes). It really makes me happy </p><p>I'm working on their resolution but I'm having a little trouble making it perfect. So I thought I would put up Val's side here in mean time. </p><p>I took a little different approach to writing it... I hope it comes out okay.</p><p>PLEASE NOTE: the <em>italics</em> are Val's thoughts.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  </p><div><strong>
      <p> “Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?” </p>
    </strong></div>
<p></p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>Valentina is groaning in pain. She’s still bleeding. </p><p>
  <em>Please, don’t let this be happening. </em>
</p><p>Juliana delicately scoops Val up in her arms and carries her downstairs. Her arms are wrapped tightly around Juliana’s neck. </p><p>
  <em>Make it stop please, Juls. Please. </em>
</p><p>--</p><p>“I’m so sorry. But you suffered a miscarriage.” Dr. Lopez’s words register to Valentina and it absolutely breaks her. </p><p><em>You suffered. You. You. You. This is your fault</em> </p><p>--</p><p>“No Val. Please. Please don’t make me leave.” Juliana begs her. </p><p>
  <em>No… don’t go. I need you.  </em>
</p><p>“Baby, I don’t want to walk out of here in scrubs. Please. Can you get me some clothes?” She tries to calmly ask. Juliana has tears streaming down her face and she feels horrible. </p><p>
  <em>I don’t mean it. Why am I saying this? </em>
</p><p>“Please Juls. I just need a minute. Just to be alone for a bit. But I want you right back here, okay.” Valentina feels bad. She knows with this line Juliana will do as she asks. </p><p>
  <em>I need you. I’m sorry. </em>
</p><p>“Okay…” Juliana looks down, despite the fact that Valentina is hold her head up. Juliana looks so sad. And Valentina feels worse. </p><p>
  <em>Don’t go. </em>
</p><p>Valentina lays in that hospital bed, wondering why she didn’t ask Juliana to stay. She doesn’t want to be alone. On top of everything else, Juls’ face is intensifying her grief and she just wants her wife beside her. </p><p>
  <em>You’re useless. Can’t ask your wife to stay. You know she needs you. You can’t even save your baby. </em>
</p><p>The tormented thoughts bring tears to her eye and before she knows it, she’s sobbing into the pillow. </p><p>--</p><p>Valentina doesn’t know what happens after that day. She just shuts down. Everything feels too big and too much and she doesn’t know how to control her emotions. </p><p>She begins to wonder what is worse: the grief or the guilt that consumes her waking thoughts like a constant nightmare. She’s devastated about losing the baby, so much so she does everything she can to not feel that devastation. When she buries her grief, every nerve in her body just becomes angry. It’s like something needs to burst out of her skin. But anger is better. Anger is not sadness. </p><p>She doesn’t know how to punish herself. Not only did she lose the baby, but she’s losing Juliana. And it’s all her fault. She doesn’t know how to stop. These four walls of her home are the only place she doesn’t have to pretend. But that comes at a cost. She knows Juliana needs her, she knows she’s being a terrible person to her wife, she can see it in Juliana’s face. </p><p>
  <em>Stop. Stop. Stop. Be there for her. What is wrong with you? </em>
</p><p>She is struggling to help Juliana through this landslide, because it is taking everything in her to keep herself steady. Trying to keep herself upright is the only way she knows how to function. She’s constantly thinking about the baby. Sometimes she doesn’t even realize that she’s mapped out a whole future for a child she doesn’t have. Which is why when Juliana asks her a question, and sometimes has to ask her twice, it throws her off. She gets mad that she let herself fall into this daydream turned nightmare. Yet she doesn’t know how to punish herself for that and her rage at herself comes off as snapping at the one person she needs most in the world. </p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to snap at you. I don’t know how to stop this. </em>
</p><p>Her brother and her dad call her, but she can’t bring herself to tell them what happened. The only thing she can do is pretend. She acts as if she’s fine and the only reason they haven’t seen her is because she’s been busy. It’s easy to fake happiness with them. But it’s so hard to fake it with Juliana. She sees Juliana’s face every time she finishes a conversation with someone other than her wife and the sight of sadness breaks her. </p><p>
  <em>Talk to her. She needs you. She’s sad because you won’t be there for her. It’s all your fault. </em>
</p><p>Her knees nearly buckle when she sees the meals in the fridge with their heating instructions. The simple ‘I love yous’ and ‘you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met’ neatly written on sticky notes almost makes her scream at herself. Juliana is so good to her and she can’t even talk to the girl. She doesn’t deserve someone that cares about her this much. She made a vow to herself when she lost the baby, she won’t let herself feel the overwhelming grief. Now, in her mind, if she can’t feel that, she doesn’t get to feel anything. Numb is better than heartache. But Juliana makes it so hard to not feel anything. She feels everything for this brown-eyed girl. And she hates herself for not being able to show that. So, she keeps every single sticky note in her notebook. Even the ones that don’t have a cute message. Another thing that is her fault. She must have upset Juliana; she didn’t deserve that cute note anyway. </p><p>
  <em>Look what she does for you. She cooks and leaves instructions. And you can’t even say thank you? You don’t deserve her. </em>
</p><p>Her inner dialogue won’t stop berating her. She’s suffocating. She’s in the shower when she remembers Juliana’s heartbroken face every time she can’t return her wife’s love. It’s like a tattoo behind her eyelids. So she shrinks to the floor and breaks down. This is the only place that it’s allowed. She can silently scream and yell at herself; for her baby and for her wife. </p><p>She can hear Juls reach out to her from outside the door. </p><p>
  <em>Let her in. Why don’t you just let her in and hold you? It’s what you want. Why won’t you do it? </em>
</p><p>I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t I don’t I don’t know. She doesn’t know why she can’t just go to Juls. Why she can’t just be in her wife’s arms. Even if it is to receive comfort rather than give it. </p><p>Sometimes when she’s about to go to sleep, Juliana will surprise her and kiss her shoulder. She’s so thrown off guard, trapped in her own head, she actually jumps in surprise. She knows what this might look like. She doesn’t deserve Juliana’s love so she’s not ready for it. </p><p>
  <em>You’re going to make her think you don’t want her. Turn around and look at her. Turn. The fuck. Around. </em>
</p><p>But she can’t. </p><p>This just makes her cry. Now she’s crying for her wife. Her wife, who is so easily to love, is slowly breaking down because she thinks Valentina does not feel the same way. But Valentina does. So, so much. At the same time, she doesn’t know how to comfort someone else. She’s spent so much effort in trying to not feel anything she’s afraid of what will happen if she opens up. If that emotion she lets in is love. What if the other emotions rush through her? Like grief and sadness and guilt. She’s not going to be ready for that. And she can’t be back and forth with Juliana. She couldn’t bear to see the hope leave her eyes. Again. </p><p>She tries to be as polite as possible when she rejects Juliana’s comfort. Which she knows won’t work, you can’t politely reject anything that pure and think it won’t hurt the other person. She doesn’t deserve Juliana’s love. She doesn’t deserve to be encased in those strong, loving arms. So when she thinks Juliana is sleeping, she quietly sneaks out of the room. She sleeps on the couch. She shouldn’t be afforded the luxury of a soft bed and loving bed mate. She needs hard and uncomfortable. That’s what happens when you fail as a wife and a mother. </p><p>It’s easier to just leave before Juliana and lock herself in the home office when she comes home. She can’t look at Juliana’s face and see the heartbreak anymore. She knows it’s her fault and until she can come up with an appropriate punishment for herself or be ready to talk about it, she’s going to lock herself away. </p><p>One day she buys a bottle of Mezcal on her way home. There was a time in her life that this was her saving grace. It would block out all of the hard emotions she doesn’t want to feel. She pours the clear liquid into a glass. At first the burn hits the back of her throat and makes its way to the pit of her stomach. For a few seconds it feels like a warm blanket wrapped around her. It feels like Juliana’s arms around her. </p><p>And then without warning that warmth stops. She doesn't have Juls' arms around her, drinking can't replace that.It doesn’t help anything. She still feels. Which is why when Juliana confronts her about it, she doesn’t want to get into it. Doesn’t want to get into how she failed again. She failed in making herself feel better. </p><p>She snaps. The words are out of her mouth before she even knows what’s happening. </p><p>“I don’t need a third degree from you right now. It’s not a big deal, I had one drink. What are you my mother? Relax.” </p><p>
  <em>Mother? Why would you say that to her? You’re such a bitch. You don’t deserve her. </em>
</p><p>She should apologise. But she’s scared Juliana is going to make her confront the feelings and emotions she’s trying so hard to bury deep, deep down. And if there is one person than can bring them out it’s Juliana. She’s always been Valentina’s heart and mind and soul. She could get Valentina to talk about anything, it had been that way since the beginning. But Valentina can’t handle feeling anything right now. </p><p>She just does what she’s recently become the best at: staying silent and walking away. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>She knows they’re going to have a fight. It’s almost midnight and she hasn’t looked at her phone in hours. When she finally sees the calls and messages, she knows Juliana won’t let this one go. Valentina made her worry. </p><p>
  <em>Look what you did. As if she doesn’t have bigger things to worry about, you made her think something happened to you. </em>
</p><p>She needs a minute. She doesn’t want to talk about what is going on with her, but she knows Juliana is going to make her. She just needs a minute to get her thoughts in order. </p><p>
  <em>A minute? You’ve had weeks to know what you’re feeling. You can’t even grant her the decency to explain yourself? </em>
</p><p>She almost grabs her head in frustration. She wants to tell her mind to shut the fuck up. </p><p>“Where the hell have you been?”</p><p>“I went out. It’s not a big deal.” She’s not ready to talk, so the anger comes out. </p><p>“Not a big deal Valentina? I called you 100 times. I was worried sick.” </p><p>
  <em>You shouldn’t have to worry. I’m so sorry. </em>
</p><p>“I didn’t hear my phone. I was out with some work people and lost track of time.” Just breathe and stay calm. She wills herself, pleads with herself. </p><p>“You couldn’t have called me? Did I not cross your mind even once?”<br/>
“No mom, you didn’t” </p><p>
  <em>Why? Why did you have to say that? Apologize to her. SAY YOU’RE SORRY. </em>
</p><p>“What the hell is going on with you?” She can tell Juliana is at her breaking point, she deserves an explanation from Valentina. But she’s not ready. She’s not ready to feel again. </p><p>“I know what happened-”</p><p>
  <em>No, no, nonono. I’m not ready. Not yet. Don’t bring it up now. Please don’t. </em>
</p><p>“Don’t.” Her voice catches her off guard. She has to stop herself; her thoughts are unintentionally being vocalized, and they can’t. She’s not ready. </p><p>“Don’t what? Talk about it? How can we not? We lost our baby Valentina. We need to talk about this.” Juliana’s words are too much, she can’t help but whirl around, angry tears are streaming down her face. </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it. Why can’t you let me just process this on my own.”</p><p>
  <em>No, I was right before. I’m not ready. I don’t want to talk about this now. </em>
</p><p>“Process this? How exactly are you doing that? By drinking?” </p><p>
  <em>No, it didn’t work. Why wouldn’t it work?</em>
</p><p>“Say something.” But Valentina remains silent. </p><p>“I have never known a love so pure and igniting at the same time. You’re my happy ever after and I promise to fill your days with laughter and your nights with peace and security.”</p><p>
  <em>No, nonononono. Don’t say those words. I don’t deserve them. </em>
</p><p>“I promise to make our life full of the sweetest love you’ve ever known. Because that is what you do for me. Every single day. I love you Val. And I will love you in a way that even poets can’t put into words. For the rest of my life” Juliana repeats a part of her vows verbatim. </p><p>
  <em>Say something. Tell her you love her too. Say something. </em>
</p><p>But she doesn’t. She just turns back around to the window. She knows she needs to say something to Juliana. She loves Juliana so much. Nothing has changed in that regard, even if she hasn’t shown it. But loving is feeling. And if she lets herself feel love, what is stopping the grief and sadness to be felt too. </p><p>“I’m sad too.” Valentina’s face crumbles at Juls’ words. </p><p>
  <em>Go. To. Her. She needs you. Listen to her voice. She’s so sad, she needs you, Valentina. Wake up! </em>
</p><p>“You don’t talk to me. You snap. All I want to do is be there for you. You don’t have to say anything. But please stop hating me.” </p><p>
  <em>Turn. Around. She thinks you hate her. Tell her it’s not true. TELL HER! </em>
</p><p>“I don’t hate you.” </p><p>
  <em>That’s honestly the best you can do? </em>
</p><p>“It seems like you do.” No, she can’t feel this. She can feel the sadness reverberating off of Juliana. She feels it deep in her bones. She can’t. She can’t handle this sadness, Juliana’s sadness. She can’t do it. Where is the anger? That was so much easier.</p><p>“You don’t let me near you." Juliana's words just makes her want to be angry again. "You don’t let me touch you. What-” </p><p>“That’s it then? You want sex? You just want to fuck me into talking to you.”</p><p>
  <em>You’re so fucking stupid. How could you possibly think that of her? </em>
</p><p>Her consciousness is chastising her, and she can’t deal with it anymore. She can’t deal with Juliana being mad at her. Why can’t anyone understand. </p><p>
  <em>She doesn't understand because you won't talk to her. it's your fault. </em>
</p><p>“You don’t know anything.” At this point, Valentina’s resolve is slowly breaking. What she’s really feeling is going to come out soon. She can feel it. But she still tries to stop it. </p><p>“I lost my baby. What the hell do you-”</p><p>“AND I LOST MY FAMILY!” Juliana bellows. Louder and angrier than she’s ever been. Valentina can’t do anything but stare at her. She’s so thrown off guard. She feels herself crumble. She was so caught up in her own self-destruction the past few weeks and wasn’t there to ease Juliana’s pain. She doesn’t know how she became this person. </p><p>
  <em>Go to her. Look what you did. She thinks she lost you. She thinks you don’t care about her pain. Make it better. </em>
</p><p>“The difference between you and I, Valentina, is that I lost you that night to.”</p><p>
  <em>No, no you didn’t. I’m still here. </em>
</p><p>“You may have lost that baby, but you’ve always had me. You’re my whole word. I would do anything for you, just to ease some small fraction of your suffering. You didn’t have to ask, I would just do it. But all you’ve proven to me these last couple of weeks is that I’m not needed in your life except to be your punching bag.”</p><p>
  <em>No, that’s not true I need you. You’re the only one that can save me. </em>
</p><p>The shredded pieces of her heart ache so deeply for Juliana but she can’t make herself move.</p><p>
  <em>GO. TO. HER. </em>
</p><p>“That night. I lost a baby and I lost you. I lost my family.”</p><p>
  <em>What aren’t you moving? </em>
</p><p>“I can’t be here right now.” </p><p>
  <em>GO! Don’t let her leave like this. </em>
</p><p>Valentina watches Juliana’s resigned form walk away from her, but her feet are cemented to the ground.</p><p>
  <em>Go. Go to her. If she leaves, you won’t come back from this. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>MOVE YOUR LEGS VALENTINA. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>STOP HER. </em>
</p><p>Valentina sees Juliana put on her shoes and it propels her forward. She still can’t bring her voice to tell Juliana to stop so she runs to her wife and slowly holds on to her wrist. </p><p>
  <em>Tell her not to go. Tell her you’re sorry. Tell her. Tell her. Tell her, Valentina! </em>
</p><p>There is so much she wants to say but the words won’t come out. </p><p>
  <em>Please stay. </em>
</p><p>She opens and closes her mouth, but still nothing comes out. So, she slowly let’s go of Juliana’s wrist. Maybe Juls will turn around. </p><p>
  <em>She won’t. She thinks you don’t love her. That you don’t care about her pain. Stop her from leaving. Show her you love her. Tell her to stay! </em>
</p><p>After a moment of silence Juliana feels those fingers let go of her wrist. She waits, heart pounding in her chest, for Valentina to say something. Do something. </p><p>
  <em>STOP HER</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Valentina, she’s leaving you. She needs you fight for her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>FIGHT FOR HER DAMMIT. </em>
</p><p>All of a sudden, something snaps in Valentina. She wraps her arms around Juliana’s wait and rest her forehead on Juliana’s shoulder. She’s done hiding. She’s wants to start feeling again. </p><p>Not feeling anything is causing her to lose the one person she needs and wants and needs most in the world. </p><p>“Please stay. I’m so sorry. Juliana, Juls. Please I’m so, so sorry. Please let me explain. It’s not you. It was all me. Please don’t go. Let me explain. Please. I’m so, so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” The words she’s been trying so hard to hide come pouring out of her. She’s begging Juliana to stay without catching her breath. She’s scared that if she stops talking, Juls will leave. </p><p>Juliana turns around in Valentina’s arms. She doesn’t move beyond that for a few moments. Valentina just holds on tighter; she’s not going to let Juliana fly away. </p><p>Ever so slowly Juliana lifts her arms and they wrap around Valentina cautiously at first and then so tightly she worries that she might be hurting her. But Valentina hugs her back just as fiercely. </p><p>“I love you so much.” It’s been so long since Juliana has heard those words from Valentina that she buries her head in Val’s neck and just sobs. </p><p>“Please let me explain. I’m so sorry. I love you so, so much. I’m so sorry for ever making you think that I didn’t” Valentina begs Juliana to believe her. </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm working on their talk... they are obviously end game.. so I don't think I'm spoiling anything when I say that.<br/>So please bare with me.</p><p>I'm trying to make it perfect for you guys!</p><p>I'm going to try to respond to your comments ASAP! I just wanted to get the chapter out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Come Back to Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you all for your kind words, AGAIN!!</p>
<p>I know you have been waiting for this chapter so.... here you go!</p>
<p>I've been really second guessing this one... so I hope it lives up to what you guys were looking for.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>Valentina unwraps her arms from Juliana’s waist and gently lifts Juls’ face from her neck. Bringing their foreheads together, her guilt intensifies tenfold at the sorrow in those brown eyes, she owes it to Juliana to a least try and explain what’s in her head. </p>
<p>“Please stay. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. Please don’t leave.” She babbles on. </p>
<p>She knows she was horrible to Juliana; she just wants a chance to explain. “I know you don’t owe me anything and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I just-”</p>
<p>“Stop. Stop. Don’t say that. I know you’re sorry. I just want to know what’s going on in there,” Juliana taps the side of Valentina’s head lightly, “I know you’re struggling. I just want to be there for you.” </p>
<p>“I should have been there for <em>you</em>.” Valentina can feel Juliana wiping her tears away and it just makes her cry even more. </p>
<p>Juliana takes Valentina’s hand and leads her to the couch. She sits down with one leg under the other, facing Val, who sits crossed legged. Valentina's hair is cascading down covering her face, so Juliana takes her finger and brushes some hair behind Val's ear, and gently tilts her head. Sad, dull blue eyes stare back at her. Valentina will always be the most beautiful person Juliana’s has ever seen; even when she’s crying. </p>
<p>“I know you’re sorry. But I meant what I said. I just want to know what’s going on with you. If you want to tell me.” Juliana knows that she will forgive Valentina. Given the circumstances she can’t blame Valentina for the way she acted. If she’s honest. She probably would have reacted the same way. </p>
<p>She’s not innocent in the art of pushing people away. She’s done it many times. Even to Valentina. But she won’t lie to Valentina either. It hurt her, a lot. They are better than that though, and if Juliana is sure of one this it’s that they will come back from this, stronger than ever. </p>
<p>“I’ve treated you so horribly. I don’t know how to apologize for that. And I’m sorry it took me watching you walk away to wake up.” Before Valentina tells Juliana anything, she wants to make sure that Juls knows that she’s sorry. “I’ll do everything I possibly can to make it up to you. To show you how much I love you and how much I wish I handled everything differently.”</p>
<p>“I get it. What you went through… I can’t say I wouldn’t act the same.” Juliana tries to reassure her. </p>
<p>Valentina just shakes her head. “But you did. You went through it too and I wasn’t there for you. Even worse I was a horrible person to you and all you ever did was love me.” Valentina buries her head in her hands. </p>
<p>“Val?” Juliana tries to get Valentina to look at her, “no, don’t give me a free pass because of the miscarriage.” Valentina doesn’t want to be forgiven so easily. She knows she hurt Juliana and she doesn’t think Juls should dismiss her own pain because of what Valentina is going through. Juliana doesn’t deserve that. </p>
<p>“No, I’m not. I’m… hurt. And I’m mad. But I also love you and I really do understand. It’s been so lonely without you, Val. I just want us to work through this. Together. Can you tell me what was going on in your head?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know where to start.”</p>
<p>“Just start anywhere.” </p>
<p>Valentina takes a deep breath. She’s spent so long trying to hide her emotions she doesn’t know how to get all this out. She's always been an open book and has always had the ability to vocalize what she was thinking. She’s would just started talking and the words come flowing out, even if they didn't make sense. This time, however, she doesn’t know how to adequaetly explain to Juliana what’s going on in her head, every thing seems like a jumbled mess. But she owes it to her wife to at least try. </p>
<p>“Even if it’s not well thought out, or all over the place, just tell me. We can help each other.” Juliana tries to encourage her. </p>
<p>“When my mom died, I was so young. I don’t think anyone really knew what to do with me. They tried to cheer me up but all I wanted to do was ask why. Why she had to die. I can’t blame them. They were all suffering too. I just need to get my emotions out but didn’t get the chance. I was too young to know what heartache was and I felt like I had no one to tell me.” Valentina is looking down at her hands as she says this. </p>
<p>“And then when my dad died… I wasn’t allowed to grieve the why I wanted to. My friends at the time, Lucho-”</p>
<p>“Douche.” Juliana throws in there. </p>
<p>Valentina can’t help but smile, they’ve both made their peace with Valentina’s ex, so this comment was just to make Valentina more comfortable. And Valentina loves her for it. “Lucho,” she looks at Juliana, and sees nothing but understanding reflecting back at her, “wouldn’t let me grieve in a way I needed to. And my siblings were consumed with their own pain, so again, I felt like I didn’t have anyone to turn to until I met you.” Juliana’s heart breaks for this girl. She wishes they could have met sooner.</p>
<p>“And when… when we lost... the baby,” Valentina’s lip starts to tremble, “I… I had been, unintentionally, prevented from dealing with my parents’ death by the people around me that I wasn’t prepared for how devastated I would be. I’m not blaming them; this was all me. But I didn’t know how to deal with everything.</p>
<p>“And please don’t think I’m using my past to excuse me not being there for you-”</p>
<p>“No, no. I would never think that, Val.” Juliana holds on to Valentina’s fingers. She wants to comfort the girl in front of her but she’s not quite sure she’s ready yet. </p>
<p>“I know but still. I didn’t know how to handle something like that. And I don’t know… I … I just shut down. It was so much easier not to feel or to be angry.” Valentina is not sure this even makes sense. </p>
<p>“It was like being underwater and not being able to come up for air. I just blamed myself so much and I didn’t know how to control that grief and sadness. It all just felt too much. I couldn’t find a middle ground. So I stopped feeling anything and everything. Like it was all or nothing.”</p>
<p>“Val,” Juliana waits for Valentina to look at her. When she doesn’t Juliana gently pushes Val’s hair behind her ears again and lifts her chin, “Val. Mirame.’</p>
<p>When Valentina finally does look up, the sight just breaks Juliana’s heart. </p>
<p>“The miscarriage? it wasn’t your fault, Val. It could happen to anyone. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Juliana kisses her on the forehead, “it wasn’t your fault.”</p>
<p>“I know.” And Valentina does. At least she knows that she should. Logically she knows that there is nothing she could have done to prevent this. But logic is very rarely remembered in these situations. She knows she <em>should</em> believe Juliana. </p>
<p>But she can’t. </p>
<p>“Can you say it for me. Can you say that it’s not your fault?” Juliana gently asks. </p>
<p>Valentina pauses for a long time, so long that Juliana almost repeats the question. </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Juliana doesn’t think there are any pieces of her heart that are left to break, but when Valentina finally speaks that sadness and guilt breaks the shattered pieces of Juliana’s heart all over again. She could never just sit back and watch Valentina suffer, no matter what they go through. She would never deny Valentina comfort. She doesn’t think twice when she wraps her arms around Valentina as she breaks down in Juliana’s arms. </p>
<p>“Shhhh. Val. I promise you. This is not your fault.” </p>
<p>“I was scared to let in your love. For some reason I thought that if I let that in all the other emotions would come and I just didn’t know what to do.” Valentina is holding on to Juliana shirt, afraid that the brown-eyed girl will take her comfort away if she lets go. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. It’s so easy to love you, Juls. It would be so easy to let that in. I was just scared. But… I should have been there for you. You’ve always taken my pain and made it yours so I wouldn’t feel any ounce of that hurt and it kills me that I couldn’t do that same.”</p>
<p>“No, Val-”</p>
<p>“Wait, let me finish please.” Valentina knows Juliana is going to say something beautiful and put it all on herself, but she doesn’t want that. She wants Juliana to know that she was right to be mad and hurt at Valentina’s actions. </p>
<p>“The way you love me is nothing I have ever felt before. As illogical as it sounds, every time I pictured that baby, I pictured a little you and it just made everything so hard. I felt like I was betraying you and a little version of you. </p>
<p>“It would throw me off guard whenever you would come near me because I was so trapped in my head. And then I would see your face, and what it might have looked like to you, and I swear I didn’t mean it.” Valentina shakes her head. She can’t control the tears in her eyes. She’s not even sure she’s making any sense.</p>
<p>“After a while I didn’t know how to take it all back. I didn’t want to embrace your love and then push you away again. But I never hated you. I always loved you. And I’m sorry I didn’t show you that. </p>
<p>“I know you’re hurting and I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you. You don’t deserve that. I just wanted to stop feeling anything, but I never stopped loving you. I hope one day you can believe me.”</p>
<p>Valentina finally takes a deep breath. She’s not sure what else she can say, she’s tried to explain what she was going through the best that she could. She just hopes Juliana can forgive her. </p>
<p>Juliana still has one arm around Valentina, so she uses her free hand to cup Val’s face, “Of course I believe you. Yes, I’m hurting and like I said… it’s been really hard. I’ve always been this person that would deal with my own issues alone. I didn’t need anyone. And then you come along and ruined that completely-”</p>
<p>Valentina’s face almost crumbles at the word ‘ruin’, but Juliana see it, she shakes her head, “no, not ruin in a bad way. You made me want to talk about things with you. You always make me feel better. And when I thought I didn’t have you anymore… it almost broke me.”</p>
<p>“Juls…” Valentina didn’t think it was possible to feel any worse. </p>
<p>“No, wait, just let me finish okay?” at Valentina’s nod she continues, “but I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for what happened, and I would never blame you for how you felt. No one can. You can’t control something like grief. </p>
<p>“But I want to be there for you. I want us to be there for each other. It’s the only way we can get through this.” Juliana kisses Valentina’s forehead. It hasn’t been easy these last couple of weeks, but she truly believes that they needed this fight. They needed to yell at each other to make them stronger. </p>
<p>“Let’s make a deal okay. You tell me what’s on your mind, and I’ll tell you what’s on mine.” Juliana sticks out her pinky finger, “and if either of us needs any space we tell the other person. We’re stronger together Valentina, we can get through anything.” </p>
<p>Valentina sticks out her own pinky finger and kisses Juls’ hand, “pacto.”</p>
<p>“Just one more question,” Juliana tentatively asks, “where were you tonight…” Seeing the bottle of Mezcal and the fact that Valentina didn’t come home until midnight still worries her. She hopes Valentina wasn’t out drinking. </p>
<p>“I really was with work people; they’ve been asking me to go for a drink for a while… and I just wanted to be a different person for one night. I thought it would make me feel better. Or feel something other than sadness.” Valentina just shakes her head. She feels like she handled this whole situation so poorly. </p>
<p>“When they left… I said I was going to stay. They didn’t want to leave me alone, so I said you were going to join me.” Val can no longer look into Juliana’s eyes, she’s ashamed of what she might see reflecting back at her. </p>
<p>“I only had one drink with them, and I was nursing a second. I was barely touching it. I wanted it to help me stop feeling so sad, but it wasn’t working. Then… this guy came up to me,” she can feel Juliana stiffen, “no, no. Nothing happened. He asked for my number and I told him I wasn’t interested. But when he left, I started to worry, I was alone in a bar and it was getting late.”</p>
<p>“Did something happen? Did he do anything?” Juliana wasn’t expecting this. She knew something was wrong. She should have gone out looking for Valentina. </p>
<p>“Juls,” Valentina can see Juliana’s mind racing to all the worst possible scenarios, “I promise. He left me alone after I said no, and nothing else happened. With anyone. I called an Uber and waited near the bartender until it came. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry I worried you. It was only when I was ordering the Uber that I realized how stupid I was. I saw that time and your messages and … I… I’m so stupid.” </p>
<p>“Please stop saying that. You’re not stupid.” Juliana kisses Valentina’s forehead, “I’m just glad you’re okay.” </p>
<p>It’s been a long night and now that she understand Valentina a little bit better, Juliana thinks they’ve probably had enough tears for one night. </p>
<p>“Come on, let’s get some sleep, it’s almost 4:30 in the morning. We can talk more tomorrow. You’re lucky you picked a Friday night to act like a different person.” Juliana tries to joke. </p>
<p>Valentina just gives her an unimpressed look. </p>
<p>“Too soon?”<br/>
“Yes, Juls. Too soon.” But Valentina is glad that Juliana can use humour again. It gives her hope that they made progress and that they can get through this together. </p>
<p>When they both get off the couch, Valentina goes to shut off all the lights and Juliana gently runs her hands through Lanna’s fur. The puppy fast asleep now that the yelling has stopped. </p>
<p>Once Juliana is finished brushing her teeth, she walks into their bedroom to see Valentina curled up on her side of the bed, facing Juls as she climbs in. Now with the lights off, Valentina can feel all the emotions flooding back to her. She doesn’t know what she did to deserve someone like Juls. </p>
<p>“Juls…” Juliana scoots closer to Valentina, she's not sure if Valentina wants physical affection right now, so she waits. “Yea, Val?”</p>
<p>“What I said to you today. About not understanding or… just everything. I’m so sorry. I know those words are getting old, but I don’t know what else to say or do. I should have never spoken to you like that.” </p>
<p>“Val, I-”</p>
<p>“Please don’t say it’s okay. It’s not. You didn’t deserve that.” Valentina doesn’t want Juliana to push everything she said and did under the rug. </p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to say that… I was going to say I forgive you. And thank you, for apologizing.” Juliana opens her arms, “we’re okay Val. As long as we’re in this together we’ll be okay.” </p>
<p>As soon as Juliana opens her arms, Valentina wraps her arms around Juliana’s waist and buries her head in Juls’ neck. It’s been so long since they’ve held each other like this, they bask in the warmth and comfort that comes with being in each other’s arms. </p>
<p>“I love you, Val.” Juliana cups Val’s face and stares into Val’s eyes. </p>
<p>“I love you too. So much.” </p>
<p>They slowly lean into each other and share a sweet and tentative kiss for the first time since they lost the baby. Valentina can’t help but shed a few tears, tears that are quickly wiped away by her wife. </p>
<p>They share one more kiss, less tentative and more passionate. Trying desperately to show each other how much love there is between them. </p>
<p>Juliana places a final kiss to Valentina’s forehead and before they know it, they both fall into a deep sleep; wrapped in each other’s arms. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Valentina wakes up to an empty bed. She closes her eyes. As if it’s just a bad dream and when she opens them up again, Juls’ will be beside her. But it doesn’t work. Juls isn’t there and the sheets are cold. </p>
<p>That ache is back in her heart. Maybe last night wasn’t a reconciliation and Juliana is still so mad and upset with her. Valentina’s wouldn’t blame her if she was. </p>
<p>After Valentina gets out of the bed, she sees that is almost 1:00 pm. She hasn’t slept this much, and this peacefully, since before they lost the baby. </p>
<p>She uses that bathroom and splashes water on her face, her eyes already have tears in them. What if Juliana left?</p>
<p>She goes downstairs and sees that the kitchen and living room is empty, she’s on the verge of tears again, until she sees brown hair peeking out from the lawn chair on the balcony. She breathes out a sigh of relief. At least Juliana is still here. </p>
<p>The screen door is open, and she stands there for a bit. Juliana has earphones on and she’s sketching something with so much concentration, Valentina can’t help but smile. The first real smile in so long. Juls looks so cute with her concentrating face. </p>
<p>What’s even cuter is that Juliana doesn’t realize that Lanna is laying down at her feet, fast asleep with Juls' bare foot gently running through her fur. Juliana has such an uncanny way of making everyone around her feel safe and calm – and lazy if you look at the puppy. Valentina should have trusted Juliana to be there for her. </p>
<p>She’s not sure if she would ever forgive herself. But as long as Juliana still wants Val by her side, they will be okay. More than okay. </p>
<p>When Valentina sees Juliana pausing her drawing for a moment she gently knocks on the balcony door, she doesn’t want to startle Juliana, but she does anyway. </p>
<p>“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Juliana says with a smile as she stops her music and puts her sketch book on the table beside her. She pats the spot beside her, an invitation for Valentina to sit down. </p>
<p>“You’re awake,” she notices the sheen of tears in Valentina’s eyes, “what’s the matter?” She asks as she puts her arm around Val when she sits down and cuddles into Juliana. </p>
<p>“No, nothing. I just woke and I… you weren’t there. I just thought-”</p>
<p>“Oh my god. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry. Lanna was scratching at the door and you looked so peaceful. I haven’t seen you sleep that soundly in so long I didn’t want to wake you.” Juliana shakes her head. She should have stayed in bed. </p>
<p>“I took her for a little walk so she could pee, and when I came back you were still sound asleep. I just didn’t want to wake you. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to think I left.”</p>
<p>“it’s okay. I think I just got a little scared.” Juliana hates that Valentina is so unsure of herself and of Juliana. So she does the only thing she can think of, she cups Val’s face and kisses her. “I love you.” </p>
<p>She can physically feel Valentina relax into her. “How are you doing this morning?” She just rolls her eyes, “it’s a stupid question, I know.” </p>
<p>Valentina can only laugh, Juliana has really missed that sound, “no, it’s not stupid. I’m okay now.”</p>
<p>She promised Juliana that she wouldn’t hide her feelings anymore. She promised she would be more open, so she will be.</p>
<p>“I feel kind of… silly. I don’t know if that is the right word. Maybe naive is better. I was so overly confident that everything would work out. I didn’t stop to think what would happen if it didn’t.” Valentina can feel Juliana’s arms warp tighter around her as she vocalizes what has been on her mind. </p>
<p>“You know, you’re the most optimistic person I know. I’m always ready for something bad to happen. But you, Val.” Juliana kisses her on the top of her head, “you see the best in life and in people. It’s like the only way you can operate. And I hate that the universe took that from you. </p>
<p>“I hate that you’ll second guess if things will work out now. I don’t think you were naïve. I think you were hopeful. And I pray that one day you’ll get that hope back. I swear I’ll do everything I can to make it happen.” </p>
<p>Valentina looks up at Juliana as a few tears trickle from her eyes, “please don’t cry.” </p>
<p>Valentina shakes her head, “it’s happy tears. I promise. I’m crying because I love you so much. I should have trusted you. I should have come to you when I was falling apart. You’ve always been the glue that made me whole.” </p>
<p>Juliana can only kiss her. It feels so good to feel Valentina’s lips on hers again. </p>
<p>Before there can be anymore crying, Valentina places a few soft kisses on Juliana’s lips and cuddles back into her wife. </p>
<p>“What were you sketching?” a change of topic was needed. It was a new day and they were going to start fresh. </p>
<p>“Oh, that? It’s nothing.” Juliana’s bashfulness and the fact that she’s avoiding Valentina’s eyes intrigues Val further. </p>
<p>“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Juliana has always shared her sketches with Valentina, so this evasion seems very suspicious. </p>
<p>Juliana would love to show Val what she’s been working on, but she’s not sure how her wife will react to it. She doesn’t want to trigger any sad emotions. Not when it seems like they are finally on their way to a better place. </p>
<p>“Please?” Those damn puppy eyes and the fact that Val is biting her bottom lip, Juliana knows she’s going to cave in. Juliana just glares before her features soften and she takes a deep breath. She’s actually a little scared. She been using these sketches as a way to deal with her emotions from the past couples of months, but she doesn’t know how Valentina is going to take it. </p>
<p>“Um… I’m a little scared to show you to be honest.” This peaks Valentina’s interest. She sits up, still as close to Juliana as she can get, as she looks into Juls’ eyes. </p>
<p>“Why?” </p>
<p>Juliana slowly grabs her sketch book and opens it up midway. “When we were first… trying,” she pauses to look at Valentina who only has a soft smile on her face, “I started designing some stuff. And when everything happened… I just couldn’t stop. I guess it helped me deal with everything.” </p>
<p>“Why are you scared to show me. You know I love looking at your work.” Valentina is still a little lost. She knew things were a little different the last couple of weeks, but Juliana’s hesitancy seemed like there was more to it. </p>
<p>Slowly Juliana opens the sketch book to designs of baby clothes. Little onesies, button up shirts, dress, and little pants with suspenders. Valentina’s gasp catches in her throat. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”</p>
<p>“No, Juls.” Valentina looks up at Juliana as she says this, “these are so cute.” Eventually she catches on to why Juliana was hiding it. </p>
<p>“Were you worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it?” She gently asks. </p>
<p>“No, not that you wouldn’t be able to handle it. We’re… things seem to be getting better. I didn’t want you to feel triggered.” Juliana looks down and slowly closes her sketch book. She doesn’t want to revert any progress they have made since last night. </p>
<p>“Juls, baby,” Juliana loves it when Valentina calls her baby. She hasn’t heard it in so long and it warms her to her entire core to hear it again. “I don’t ever want you to be scared to talk to me or show me how you process your own thoughts or grief. These designs are so cute.</p>
<p>“And if I cry its only because I love seeing your creativity come to life. Not because I’m sad.” She tries to reassure the brown eyed girl who looks actually scared. </p>
<p>“I just don’t want to make things any harder on you.” </p>
<p>“You could never Juls. Ever. I’m glad you found an outlet to redirect your pain. I only wish you were able to come to me."</p>
<p>“No, no more blaming ourselves okay. I know we’re competitive. But we’re not going to do it with this.” Juliana knows they could both go in circles with this. At least this made Valentina laugh. </p>
<p>“I was thinking of maybe starting a new line. Of baby or toddler clothes.” She shrugs her shoulders and looks down, “I was going to call it Little Juls. Or just Juls.” </p>
<p>Valentina’s beaming smile is so contagious, Juliana can’t help but mirror it back and accept the kiss she receives. “That’s an amazing idea.” </p>
<p>“Yea, it doesn’t make you sad?” Juliana can’t help but ask. </p>
<p>“No, it makes me inspired. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me this. Even before the miscarriage. I’m sorry I pulled us apart instead of bringing us together” </p>
<p>Juliana just shakes her head, “no. Never. You could never pull us apart. I was going to tell you. And then everything happened, and I guess I was just trying to find the right time. You didn’t do anything wrong.”</p>
<p>Juliana can only kiss Valentina, they’ve expressed their love in words so many times, she just wants to make sure Valentina really gets it. </p>
<p>Their kiss gets deeper and deeper that breathing becomes more difficult. </p>
<p>Valentina slowly separates their lips, leaving small kisses in her wake, as she stands up. She reaches out her hand to Juliana, “come with me?”</p>
<p>Juliana would follow Valentina anywhere. </p>
<p>Valentina makes sure Lanna comes inside and resumes her nap in her bed, as she takes Juliana’s hand and leads her upstairs and back into the bedroom. </p>
<p>When they’re standing in front of their bed, Valentina holds Juliana face and kisses her again. Juliana’s arms immediate circle a small waist. Valentina bites down on Juliana’s lower lip, causing a soft moan to escape the brown eyed girl.</p>
<p>Valentina slowly urges Juliana’s hands under her shirt, “is this okay?” she asks as their lips separate and Juliana trails kisses down Valentina’s neck. </p>
<p>“So okay.” </p>
<p>Valentina slowly removes her own shirt, encouraged by the darkness in Juliana’s eyes. Once she’s rid herself of her clothing, Valentina’s bare form lays down on the bed. She looks so nervous that Juliana is quick to disrobe and crawls her way to Valentina. </p>
<p>Once Juliana has one leg in between Val’s she pauses, hovering above her wife, Juliana slowly caresses a flushed cheek. “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Valentina responds quietly, “I want to feel you. I want to feel whole again.” </p>
<p>There are tears in Valentina’s eyes. They spill out at the tender kiss Juliana gives her. It’s been so long since they’ve been intimate that they crave each other in the deepest and most tender ways. But Juliana would never do anything Valentina doesn’t want to do. </p>
<p>“You’re already whole.” Juliana kisses her again. “Please Juls.” </p>
<p>She could never deny Valentina. Juliana slowly kisses her again before she rests her foreheads together. </p>
<p>“You’ll tell me if you want to stop right? Or if I hurt you?” Valentina nods. “I want this. But I’ll tell you. I promise. Make love to me, baby.” </p>
<p>With those words Juliana kisses Val again, she kisses her for every time Valentina felt alone. For every time she felt sad. For every tear she’s ever shed. She kisses her way down Valentina’s body, she caresses and treats Val’s body so reverently that Valentina can’t help but to cry. Not out of pain or regret, but due the amount of love she feels coming off Juliana. It spreads to every fibre of her being. </p>
<p>Juliana settles herself in between Valentina’s legs and tentatively swipes her tongue all along the length of her most intimate area. It’s been so long, that Valentina lets out a deep moan at the pleasure that surges through her body. </p>
<p>Juliana continues to lick and suck and tease Valentina’s core. But Valentina needs to look into brown eyes, she wants them to be connected in a way they haven’t been in so long. She slowly cups Juliana’s face, “please Juls. I need you up here with me.” </p>
<p>Juliana doesn’t need to be asked twice she kisses her way up Valentina’s body before her tongue begs for entrance and their kisses deepen. “Are you sure?” she asks one more time, at Valentina’s nod she slowly inserts two fingers into warm heat. </p>
<p>Sex has never solely been about gratification between them. It has always meant so much more. Valentina’s moans and mews urge Juliana on and she pumps her fingers in and out of Valentina, pouring every ounce of love into her actions as she can. </p>
<p>She faulters slightly when she feels long fingers enter, “I want us to cum together.” Valentina breaths out between moans. </p>
<p>“Fuck.” It’s been so long since she’s been filled with Valentina’s fingers. It’s not going to take long for both of them to come apart. They can both feel it. </p>
<p>“Come back to me.” The words are out of Juliana’s mouth before she even knows what she’s saying.</p>
<p>As their walls tighten, Juliana looks into Valentina’s eyes. What were once a dull pale color, shine bright blue again. They will be okay. </p>
<p>“I’m… yours.” <em>Gasp</em> “I’m home.” <em>Gasp</em> Valentina desperately tries to get out. She’s so close, she can feel the familiar tingle, “I love you.”</p>
<p>Twin orgasms rip through them, as their tears mix together. Juliana knows that, as they come apart now, they are far stronger together than they could ever be individually. </p>
<p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think!</p>
<p>now onto some happy stuff again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Ready?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys! Sorry for the slight delay in getting this one out. <br/>It's actually going to be a filler chapter. I wanted to make it much longer but it's my birthday AND I have to work today - so things have been hectic. But I didn't want to leave you guys hanging!</p>
<p>Thanks so much for always being so encouraging! </p>
<p>xoxox</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>The two months since they lost the baby, and a month since their epic showdown, Juliana and Valentina were finally finding their rhythm again. They had returned to family dinners, bypassing any questions with a few well-placed fibs. Things were finally getting back to as close to normal as they could, other than the fact that they were no longer expecting a baby, they were on the road to recovery. </p>
<p>They vowed to come back from this ordeal stronger than ever, so they talked about everything. From what they were both feeling about the miscarriage to what they were feeling towards each other. The only topic they didn’t touch upon, was the idea of trying again. </p>
<p>Juliana didn’t want to bring up any triggering thoughts for Valentina, and perhaps more selfishly, she was scared to try again. She didn’t know if she could go through another loss like that. And more importantly, she didn’t know if Valentina could go through another loss like that. It was traumatic the first time, she definitely didn’t want to relive that experience.</p>
<p>Valentina on the other hand was slightly more confident. She felt like she was physically ready and on her way to becoming psychologically and emotionally ready as well. She truly believed that even thinking about trying again was a good first step. At the end of the day she wanted to build a family with Juliana, and while she would love to be the one to give Juliana a child, she was open to other options as well. All she knew what that one day they would add another member to their family. It was only a matter of when and how. </p>
<p>Even though Valentina felt like she was almost emotionally at a point to try insemination again, something was stopping her. There were the obvious fears of another miscarriage. She wasn’t sure how she would feel if she went through that again. But this apprehension she was feeling was something else. She just couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly. </p>
<p>Juliana was working on some sketches on the couch as the couple decided to have a quiet night at home. She almost jumped in surprise when Valentina, whom she thought was taking a shower, suddenly appeared in front of her. Looking alarmingly nervous. </p>
<p>“Are… you okay?” Juliana asks with a raised eye brown.</p>
<p>“Yes.” <em>Hmmm</em> Juliana thought to herself. Looks like she was going to have to push a little bit. </p>
<p>“Okay… then why do you look like you ruined my designed by spilling tea all over them?” This did the trick. Valentina’s face changed from nervous apprehension to that narrow eyed ‘really’ look that she had when she didn’t find Juliana’s joke funny. </p>
<p>“It was one time. And it got on the corner of the paper. I barely ‘ruined’ anything.” She clarified with air quotes. </p>
<p>But Juliana just smiled. All she needed was for Val to relax. </p>
<p>“Anyway,” nerves forgotten, “can you come with me? I have a little surprise for you.” Valentina held out her hand for Juls. </p>
<p>Not needing much encouragement, Juliana gladly accepted the offered hand. She would follow Valentina anywhere, add a surprise to the mix, and she was all in. </p>
<p>Dutifully following Valentina into their room and subsequently into their bathroom, Juliana’s breath caught in her throat. The whole bathroom was a glow. There were candles everywhere, creating a warm and serene atmosphere, accompanied by soft music coming from a small speaker. She looked at the bubble filled tub and turned to face Valentina with a huge smile on her face. </p>
<p>“I love this. What’s the occasion?” She knew Valentina didn’t need an occasion to be sweet. But the nerves she witnessed earlier did throw her off a bit. </p>
<p>“No occasion. I didn’t want to take you from your work, but I thought it would be nice to relax and I wanted to cuddle in the bathtub.” Juliana could only kiss her following that explanation. </p>
<p>They quickly tied their hair in a bun and rid themselves of their clothes, Valentina much more gracefully than Juliana. Once Juls was comfortable in the tub, Valentina slowly eased herself into the hot water and rested her back against Juliana’s front. Letting the warmth of the water and the security of Juliana’s arms fill her with a sense of contentment. </p>
<p>Juliana’s hands were roaming everywhere they could reach on Valentina’s body, in the most innocent of ways. She knew something was going on in that beautiful head. She just had to give Valentina a few moments to gather her thoughts. </p>
<p>After some time of silence, Juliana began to worry a bit. “Is everything okay? You’re kinda quiet today.”</p>
<p>Valentina should have known. She was an open book and there wasn’t a lot she could hide from her wife. </p>
<p>“I’m okay. But Dr. Mendoza called earlier today.” Valentina felt Juliana stiffen slightly, so she grabbed Juliana’s stilled hands and slowly intertwined their fingers. </p>
<p>When Valentina didn’t offer any more information, Juliana kissed a shoulder in front of her, hoping to relax the girl she had her arms wrapped around. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes. Sorry. Everything is fine. She was just checking in. Seeing how we were doing.” Valentina was stalling, Juliana could feel it. </p>
<p>“it was nice of her to call.” She really didn’t know what was making Valentina so nervous. </p>
<p>“Before we ended the call… I asked her about trying again.” Despite the music in the room, Valentina would be able to hear a pin drop given Juliana’s sudden silence. </p>
<p>“I know we haven’t really talked about it. About trying again. And I didn’t mean to ask her without talking to you about it first. It just came out.” Valentina turned slightly so she could see Juliana’s face. “Are you mad.” </p>
<p>Juliana kissed her forehead, “no. I’m not mad. A little thrown off. But I’m not mad. </p>
<p>“You want to try again? Now?” Juliana wished she could take the question back when she saw Valentina’s downturned face. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I just mean. I didn’t even know you <em>wanted</em> to try again.” </p>
<p>“I would like to… only if you want to though. If you still want to try and have a family.” The last few words coming out in a whisper. Valentina wished she would have approached this conversation in a different way. </p>
<p>“What? Yes, of course. Yes. I still want to have a family. I just didn’t know if you were… ready.” Juliana hated how it felt like they were walking on eggshells. </p>
<p>“I’m getting there. I think physically I’m more than ready and emotionally… I’m… getting there.” Valentina took a deep breath, “I don’t want to force you into doing anything though. If you want to wait, I totally understand. </p>
<p>“When I spoke to Dr. Mendoza, she said there really was no right time to start again. Ideally, she would like me to make sure I have 2-3 regular periods before we do it. But the main thing was if we were both emotionally ready.” Valentina rambled on. Juliana’s lack of a positive or negative response was alarming her. </p>
<p>“Do… do you think you might be ready. Not now. But… sometime. Soon, maybe?” She wanted to approach this with a lot more confidence than what ended up coming out. She thought that the ambiance and the low lighting would make her a little less nervous. Turns out she was wrong. </p>
<p>“it’s really okay if you’re not ready. We just haven’t talked about it… so… yea.” There was a daunting silence echoing throughout the bathroom. </p>
<p>“Please say something.” Valentina whispered as she rested her forehead on Juliana’s jaw. Valentina was all long limbs, it constantly marveled Juliana how Valentina could curl up in a little ball between her legs. But it was one of her favourite ways to hold the blue-eyed girl. Holding Valentina like this made her feel safe and protected. Even if she was the big spoon. As if no matter what, here together, they could let out their secrets without any judgement. </p>
<p>“I’m scared.” There was so much more that Juliana could have said, but this sentence summed up her thoughts perfectly. She was scared. For so many reasons. </p>
<p>“Of what?” If Juliana was not on board Valentina would drop the subject immediately. But they had to at least talk about it. It has been something they have both been avoiding, and the last time they avoided addressing their issues, it resulted in one of the worst fights they’ve ever had. </p>
<p>“I want to have a family with you. So, so badly. But… I’m scared. I don’t want you to go through that again. I… I don’t want to lose you again.” Juliana can feel the tears slip out of her eyes no matter how hard she tries to stop them. </p>
<p>“I know. But you never lost me.”<br/>“It felt like I did.” </p>
<p>Valentina feels horrible. She knows that Juliana doesn’t blame her for the way she acted but she can’t help but wish she could have handled things better. </p>
<p>“I’m not blaming you,” Juliana can see the self-deprecating wheels turning in Valentina’s head, “I just don’t ever want you to be in that much pain. Ever again.” </p>
<p>“I’ve been thinking. And I think something like that needed to happen.” Valentina squeezed Juliana’s hand at the confused look in those brown eyes. “I needed to know it wasn’t going to be easy and things wouldn’t work out just because I want them to. But I promise I’m in a much healthier place now.” Valentina tried to reassure her wife. </p>
<p>“I’m not saying we start right away but maybe soon. Thinking about it now, I feel like physically I am fine and emotionally I am so close to being ready. There is just something stopping me from being all the way there, you know?” </p>
<p>“What was stopping you?” Juliana can’t help but ask. If Valentina was ready, then she would be ready. She wanted to try again, but she had to be absolutely sure that it was something Valentina wanted and was ready for before she agreed. </p>
<p>“I think I just needed to talk to you about it. I’ve been a little afraid to be honest. I didn’t know if you were ready and I didn’t want to push you into a decision you weren’t comfortable with.” Juliana can only laugh at Val’s words. </p>
<p>“What? What’s so funny?”</p>
<p>“We’re a pair you know that? Those were my exact thoughts. I didn’t want to do anything unless you were 100% sure.” Juliana says before she delicately kisses Valentina. </p>
<p>“So you want to do this? You want to try again?” Valentina needed to hear if from Juliana before she let herself hope. This conversation really was it. It was all that she needed to feel ready, she needed to know that Juliana was right there with her. Nothing or no one could replace the child they lost, but if they were both ready, they would honour their child and try again for a family. </p>
<p>“If you’re in. I’m in. But I need you to promise me that you’re 100% ready for this. We won’t trying again until you are.” Juliana manages to look Valentina in the eyes when she asks this of her. </p>
<p>“I promise. 100%. All or nothing.” </p>
<p>“All or nothing.”</p>
<p>XXXXX</p>
<p>It took another month or so, and a mandatory session with Helping Hands Fertility Clinic’s in-house counsellor, for the couple to be at a point where they could try again. </p>
<p>The middle of September found Juliana on a work call pacing back and forth in their home office, Lanna following her movements like a tennis match. She was so into the conversation with her assistan, Marcela, she didn’t see Valentina watching her from the doorway, a soft smile playing on her lips. </p>
<p>Juls looked so serious, if only Marcela knew she was in a pair of boxers and a tank top. It actually made Valentina giggle out loud. Sensing an audience, Juliana finished up her conversation, all attention now on Valentina; who had her hand behind her back. </p>
<p>“Sorry. Some fiasco about the wrong shade of red.” Juliana offered with an eye roll. </p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Valentina was still standing by the door.</p>
<p>“You know, if I had a dollar every time you had that nervous look on your face lately, I’d be as rich as a Carvajal.”</p>
<p>“You are a Carvajal.” Valentina pointed out with an eye roll of her own. Despite what Juls said, Valentina was glad that Juliana’s humour was back. She missed the little jokes and the teasing in jest. They were finally back to normal and Valentina hoped it would stay that way. </p>
<p>Valentina walked over to her wife and draped her arms around Juls’ neck, Juliana’s arms wrapping around a slim waist, like a well-practised dance move. </p>
<p>“What’s up.” Juliana asked kissing Valentina’s nose. </p>
<p>“I’m ovulating. I took a test.”</p>
<p>Juliana arms tightened around Valentina and she tucked her head into Val’s neck as she whispered out, “you promise you’re sure. 100%?” </p>
<p>“Only if you are.” Juliana looked up and into Valentina’s eyes at this. It wasn’t that Juliana was unsure of trying again. She was ready, more than ready in fact. What scared her was seeing Valentina in more pain. Valentina was the strongest person Juliana had ever met, most people wouldn’t think that by looking at the blue-eyed princess, but they also never saw Valentina Carvajal when she was angry. She had a fierceness to her that was unparalleled. It made Juliana believe that with enough determination, anything was possible. </p>
<p>But this was different. When they lost the baby, it wasn’t about Valentina being angry that got to her, even though that was the most vocal emotion, it was Valentina being sad. And that was not something Juliana could handle seeing again. It would break her finally mended heart. </p>
<p>“Juls, baby. If you’re not ready, we won’t do it. I still have like 50 more ovulation tests in the bathroom.” Valentina tried to reassure the quiet girl. </p>
<p>“it’s not that I’m not ready. I am. I just,” as irrational as it sounded, she just didn’t want Valentina to be sad. Ever. “I don’t want you to hurt again.” Juliana just wished she could properly explain her fear. </p>
<p>“And I love you for that. But I will be hurt at some point. One day our kid is going to scream at me and tell me they hate me. And I’m going to be devastated, ball my eyes out, and eat an entire tub of ice cream,” Valentina’s words bringing a soft smile to Juliana’s lips, “and when that day comes all I’m going to need is you. To hug me and love me. You and my ice cream.” </p>
<p>“Both very necessary to a happy life.” Juliana joked. </p>
<p>“You’re all I need for a happy life. The ice cream is a bonus.” Valentina kissed her then. She kissed Juliana for being her biggest advocate and strongest support system. </p>
<p>“I’m ready. Let’s make a baby.” Juliana finally agreed. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Once they called Dr. Mendoza’s office, and confirmed that Valentina was in fact ovulating, they found themselves at Helping Hands Fertility Clinic. Valentina already laying on the examination table, both patiently waiting for Dr. Mendoza. Well Valentina was patiently waiting. Juliana on the other hand was pacing back and forth. </p>
<p>“Do you know what today is?” Valentina asked, hoping to distract the nervous girl.</p>
<p>Juliana turned to her wife and took one of Valentina’s hands in both of hers, “no, what day is it?”</p>
<p>“September 14th.” </p>
<p>Juliana couldn’t contain the smile that made its way to her face. A real genuine smile. Nerves slowly easing. </p>
<p>“What a perfect day to conceive a baby.” Valentina loved to hear the optimism in Juliana’s voice. This time, while Valentina was more realistic, she was also less nervous than that last couple of times they did this. And seeing Juliana finally relax made her heart feel full. No matter what happened today they would get through it. </p>
<p>Valentina tapped her lips, smiling into the kiss Juliana gave her. “I love you. No matter how or when we’re going to have a baby. I promise” Valentina didn’t have time to vocally reply to Juliana’s words before Dr. Mendoza walked in. But she conveyed the returned sentiment with her eyes and squeezed Juliana’s hand. </p>
<p>“Good morning ladies,” Dr. Mendoza greeted, “I’m so happy to see you two.” </p>
<p>“It’s good to be back Dr. Mendoza.” Valentina replied, the hint of sadness in her voice did go unnoticed by Juliana, who kissed her on the forehead. </p>
<p>“Shall we?” Dr. Mendoza asked. </p>
<p>Valentina took a deep breath and looked into Juliana’s brown eyes, so full of love and understanding, she couldn’t help but get emotional. </p>
<p>“We’re ready.” She finally turned to Dr. Mendoza. Seeing everything she needed to in Juliana’s eyes before responding. </p>
<p>Dr. Mendoza explained every step she took during the procedure, just like every other time. When that special time came, she turned to Juliana. “Juliana? Would you like to inject the sperm?”</p>
<p>If Juliana was honest, a part of her always worried that it was because of her injecting the spermies that resulted in them losing the baby. As irrational as that sounded, she couldn’t help but think of that again. </p>
<p>“Babe, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. But I honestly believe the only reason it worked the last time was because of you.” While Valentina’s words could have just added more pressure on her, Juliana used those words to fuel her. Looking into blue eyes she saw her whole future. All she wanted was to give Valentina a family. And if this was one small way to do it, she would. </p>
<p>“I’ll do it.”</p>
<p>She took her position in front of Valentina, “ready?” At Valentina’s nod, and with a sense of déjà vu, she once again kissed a knee closest to her face and whispered, “okay spermies. We can do this.”</p>
<p>Valentina didn’t know it until then, but all she needed to feel confident was to hear Juliana use that stupid term again. For some reason it was this moment of familiarity that she needed to know this was the right thing to do. They were ready for whatever was to come.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know what you think!</p>
<p>I'll try to have the next one for you guys ASAP!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Fingers Crossed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. I just realized that putting that it was my bday in the last chapter may have looked like a plea for bday wishes LOL! I didn't mean it like that! But...</p>
<p>2. THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH. It was so nice to see all your greetings! It really made my day!</p>
<p>This quarantine bday was a lot busier that I would have thought... so my writing schedule was off for a bit. But I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it!</p>
<p>Thank you all once again! You're all way too good to me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>‘Pee on stick’ was once again circled in a red marker on the calendar. But this time, it didn’t make Valentina nervous or full of dread. She was surprisingly calm. She told herself that she would be patient, she would wait for those 14 days before she took the test and no matter what happened they were in this together. </p>
<p>Juliana had made Valentina promise that if it didn’t work out this round, they would look into different options. It’s not to say that Juliana wanted to stop trying, she just wanted to give Valentina’s body a little break. </p>
<p>There was a point in time where Juliana wasn’t sure she wanted to get pregnant, but the more time that passed, the more the thought of being the one to carry started to seriously cross her mind. For Juliana it was about being able to give Valentina and herself a family. If getting pregnant herself was the only way to do it, she could make that sacrifice. </p>
<p>Pee on Stick Day came around faster than either girl anticipated. </p>
<p>On this particular morning, Valentina just watched Juliana sleep, she always looked so calm and serine in her sleep. Valentina couldn’t help but drag her finger down the slope of Juliana’s nose, it earned her a slight huff and a scrunched nose that she loved so much. Valentina then continued to drag said finger on a perfectly defined jaw line. She really wasn’t trying to wake Juliana up, but being this close to her, Val couldn’t help but be in awe of this beautiful face. She wished Juliana would see herself the way Valentina saw her. Like the most beautiful, thoughtful, caring person she’s ever met.  Any child would be lucky to have this wonderful woman as their mother. </p>
<p>During that unsteady time after they lost the baby, when Valentina was sure she wouldn’t get caught, she would just stare at Juliana while she slept. Back then Juls always had a slight frown on her face, even in her sleep. She had bags under her eyes and always slept like she was on high alert. Valentina remembers wanting to wrap her arms around that sad girl, but what she thinks about most, is the fact that she never did. There were so many things Valentina wished that she could take back, this being one of them.</p>
<p>Now, however, Juliana looked so peaceful. Like she was safe and free at the same time. Valentina knew that no matter what happened once they took the test, they would always get through it. As long as they were together. </p>
<p>Just as Valentina was about to trace a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, she felt Juliana pull her closer. </p>
<p>“Times it?” Juliana mumbled softly. </p>
<p>“Just after 9.” Juliana’s soft voice made Valentina feel like she needed to whisper as well. She smiled softly when Juliana’s only reply was to pucker her lips. Not waiting a second longer, Valentina kissed her languidly. Their first kiss in the morning, those mornings that they actually had time to lounge in bed a little while, were Valentina’s favorite. </p>
<p>Finally opening her eyes, Juliana was met with a sea of blue, she kissed Valentina’s forehead, “did you take the test?” It was rare for Valentina to be in bed this late on Pee on Stick Day, she was usually up at 5:00 am, demanding that Juliana wake up too. </p>
<p>“No, I wanted to do it together. I just… I wanted to stay in bed for a bit longer.”</p>
<p>Valentina’s voice sounded strange, “you okay? Nervous?” </p>
<p>Valentina shook her head. “No, I just wanted to be in this moment for a bit. No matter what that test says things are going to change. Either I’m not pregnant and we have to try something different, or I am… and… we’ll never be the same.” She looked into understanding brown eyes, “but in a good way you know.” </p>
<p>“I know. No matter what happens today Val, I’m going to give you a family. I promise.” Juliana kissed her in reassurance. </p>
<p>“Us. Give us a family, babe. We’re in this together.” </p>
<p>A short while later, after trading a few lingering kisses, Valentina was sitting on top of the counter in the bathroom. There were four pregnancy tests face down beside her and Juliana was between her legs. </p>
<p>
  <em>2 minutes left</em>
</p>
<p>Valentina had her arms loosely draped over Juliana’s shoulders, as Juls was kissing her everywhere she could reach to distract Val from the longest three minutes of their lives.  </p>
<p>
  <em>30 seconds left</em>
</p>
<p>“I love you, you know.” Juliana would never get tired of saying those words to Valentina. </p>
<p>“I actually do know. You show me every day. I love you too. So much.” But nothing was better than hearing Valentina say it back to her. </p>
<p>As Valentina’s alarm went off, the two just rested their foreheads together. This time they were going to look at the test together. No matter what, good or bad, they would handle it together. One person was not meant to carry all the burden for the other, marriage and relationships in general, were about a shared bond. The good times and the bad were meant to be shared and experienced as a team. And Juliana and Valentina were the best team. </p>
<p>Juliana held a pregnancy test, once again face down, between them. “Ready? She asked Valentina.”</p>
<p>“Ready.” </p>
<p>Slowly she flipped the test over. It was silent in the bathroom. Neither girl was moving. It wasn’t until Juliana felt a tear fall on her hand, that she lifted her face up. Staring into blue eyes that were reflecting her own tears. </p>
<p>“Val…”</p>
<p>Valentina cupped Juliana’s face. “Check the others. Just to be sure.” </p>
<p>Soon all four were flipped right side up. There was no mistaking it, all four tests said the same thing. </p>
<p>Valentina wrapped her arms and legs around Juliana as she brushed a few stray tears from Juls’ face. </p>
<p>“Juls, baby.” Juliana just kissed her. “Juls. We’re pregnant.” </p>
<p>Juliana couldn’t contain her smile, she lifted Valentina off the counter and gently placed her upright before hugging her. She still hadn’t said anything. Juliana dropped to her knees, lifted Valentina’s tank top up a bit, and just rested her forehead on Val’s lower abdomen. She still mourned for their lost child, but this little pea inside a still flat abdomen, was their dream come true. </p>
<p>Valentina threaded her hands through Juliana’s hair, slowly lifting Juls’ face to meet her own. Once again whipping a few errant tears, “We’re having a baby.” </p>
<p>Juliana kissed the abdomen in front of her, remembering a time not so long ago when she did this same thing, she whispered those same words now. </p>
<p>“Hi baby, I’m your mama.” </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>They called the fertility clinic right away and booked the first available spot to get Valentina’s blood tests done. Juliana was still slightly withdrawn since they looked at the pregnancy test. Valentina could tell she was nervous. Not so much in her actions, since Juliana was as attentive to Valentina as ever, but in the way she avoided eye contact and seemed to be trapped in her own mind. </p>
<p>Once they got back home from the clinic, and after a small lunch, they found themselves back on their bed. They were both laying on their backs, Valentina’s head was on Juliana’s shoulder as Juls’ arm held her in place. They were both quiet, not sure if they should celebrate just yet or not. </p>
<p>“Have you felt any symptoms yet?” Juliana asked out of the blue. </p>
<p>“No, nothing. I have to admit, it’s making me a little nervous. Maybe the tests were wrong.”</p>
<p>“You’re pretty quiet today.” Valentina commented at Juliana’s silence, as she played with Lanna’s fur. The little pup snoozed away with her head on Valentina’s stomach.</p>
<p>They gave trying to prevent Lanna from getting up on the bed a long time ago. It was actually Juliana who gave in, unable to resist those pleading puppy eyes. Little did she know Valentina let Lanna on the bed every time Juliana was out of the house. But that was as secret that would never be voiced, not if Valentina had anything to do with it at least. </p>
<p>The back of Juliana’s free hand was gently stroking Valentina’s bare arm. She was trying to gather her thoughts. </p>
<p>“I just need the clinic to call before I can let myself be excited. I need to know it’s real. I don’t think the tests are wrong per se, but I just need that official confirmation.” She tried to explain. </p>
<p>Valentina placed a soft kiss to the hand near her face, “I get that.” </p>
<p>“I should have known though.” Juliana remarked as she gently ran her hands through Lanna fur. “I should have known you were pregnant. She hasn’t left your side in like a week.” </p>
<p>Juliana’s words rang true. Lanna followed Valentina everywhere the last couple of days. Every time Valentina was on the couch or the bed, the little pup followed, and gently placed herself beside her. Even when they went for a walk Lanna would stand in front of Valentina if a stranger approached them. As if she was protecting her mother and little brother or sister already. </p>
<p>“That’s so true. I didn’t even realize.” Valentina smiled. God, she loved this dog so much. </p>
<p>Before they could divulge further into Lanna’s adorable behaviour, Valentina’s phone vibrated beside her. </p>
<p>Closing her eyes, she picked up the phone with a slightly shaking hand and put it on speaker. </p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Hi Valentina, it’s Dr. Mendoza. Is Juliana with you?” Dr. Mendoza’s voice giving nothing away. </p>
<p>“Yes, we’re both here.” </p>
<p>“I know you have been through so much lately, so I wanted to call and personally let you know that the blood tests are back… Congratulations ladies. You’re pregnant.” </p>
<p>“Really? Thank you so much” Valentina responded with tears in her eyes. Juliana slowly pulled her arm from under Val’s head and leaned on her elbow, staring into bright blue eyes. </p>
<p>“You are more than welcome. I’m going to schedule you in for your first ultrasound at your seven week mark this time around.” Dr. Mendoza advised. </p>
<p>“Is there a reason you want to do it earlier this time, doc?” Juliana piped up. </p>
<p>“Usually I will advise doing the first ultrasound for any high-risk pregnancies, but that is not the case for you,” Dr. Mendoza made sure to add, knowing Juliana’s propensity to worry, “but just given the miscarriage, it wouldn’t hurt anything.”</p>
<p>“That makes sense. Thank you so much Dr. Mendoza.” Juliana stated with a small sigh of relief. She was still staring at Valentina with a dopey smile on her face. </p>
<p>“You’re very welcome ladies. Congratulations again. I’m so happy for the two of you.” </p>
<p>Once they hung up with Dr. Mendoza, Juliana cupped Val’s cheek, “Baby! We’re having a baby!” She finally allowed that elation to seep into every fibre of her being. </p>
<p>Valentina could only pull her down by her shirt and kissed her deeply. Lanna, undisturbed, snoozed away. </p>
<p>XXXXX</p>
<p>
  <strong>7 Weeks</strong>
</p>
<p>Valentina looks back on the past couple of weeks and curses herself for thinking that this pregnancy would be as easy as the first one. The last time she barely had any morning sickness. The only symptom she really had was odd cravings. </p>
<p>This time however, she is miserable. This is not to say that she isn’t excited or grateful. Valentina is so thankful for this little baby that it brings tears to her eyes. She doesn’t know what she did to deserve this second chance at having a baby, but she will do everything to ensure she carries a healthy baby to term. </p>
<p>This doesn’t negate the fact, however, that she’s currently miserable because all those horror stories she read about difficult first trimesters, is her current situation. She is constantly low on energy and her nausea lasts all day. She didn’t even know that was humanly possible. And what they call “morning sickness” currently has her emptying the content of her stomach everyday right before dinner. Her youthful hangovers did not remotely prepare her for this.</p>
<p>It has gotten to the point that there have been times where Juliana would come home to Valentina curled up in a ball on their bed, Lanna standing guard, with tears in her eyes. Juls feels useless in these situations. She wants to help Valentina so badly, but she doesn’t know what to do. </p>
<p>So, every day without fail, Juliana will kiss Valentina’s forehead. She will tell Valentina she loves her and then scoot down to Valentina’s stomach and whisper a small plea to their unborn child. Asking the little one to please be nice to mommy. It never works. Valentina’s body still likes to remind her that she’s pregnant, a blessing in a way, but she appreciates the cute sentiment regardless. She never wants Juliana to stop. </p>
<p>Once their seven week marks comes, the couple find themselves back in Dr. Mendoza’s clinic. Valentina is laying down on the examination table with her pants unbuttoned, eagerly awaiting this first ultrasound. But Juliana can see the tiredness in her eyes. It has been another day of nausea and Juliana just wishes there was more she could do. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry you’re feeling so sick today.” Valentina’s eyes were closed as she was on the examination bed. Unbeknownst to Juliana though, it wasn’t due to the nausea this time, but Juliana was playing with her hair and it was making her sleepy. Someone was going to have to carry her out of this bed when it was time to leave. </p>
<p>“It’s not your fault, baby. Plus. I think it’s just my body’s way of reminding me that he’s still in there.” Valentina’s comment made Juliana laugh. Despite the uneasiness, Valentina’s excitement and happiness was still very evident. </p>
<p>“I’d be a little concerned if you forgot. And he? I thought it was ‘too early to take bets.’” Juliana added with a raised eyebrow and air quotes. Quoting Valentina’s words from some months ago. It was nice to be able to reference the past without the instant guilt and devastation seeping in.</p>
<p>“It is… but you were right. Calling the baby ‘it’ is mean.” Juliana just kissed her. Pulling away quickly, much to Valentina’s displeasure, when Dr. Mendoza walked in. </p>
<p>“Welcome back, ladies. I’m very glad to see you two.” Dr. Mendoza was not one to play favorites between her patients, but she was rooting for these two more than anyone else. She wasn’t blind to the world of social media. She knew the powerful force these two generated online. She couldn’t wait for the day that the world got to celebrate with this happy couple when they finally brought a little life into existence. </p>
<p>“It’s good to be back.” Valentina added. </p>
<p>“Okay, I know you two are eager. So let’s do the ultrasounds and then we can get into other details okay?” Dr. Mendoza asked. Not receiving any objections, she began to spread the gel on Valentina’s lower abdomen.</p>
<p>Both girls took a deep breath as they waited for that fuzzy screen on the monitor to confirm what they already knew was true. </p>
<p>Valentina’s eyes were glued to the monitor, but Juliana only had eyes for her. Juls was holding one of Valentina’s hands in both of her own, gently placing soft kisses to Val’s knuckles. She was scared to look. In her heart Juliana knew Valentina was pregnant, but until she heard that little heartbeat, it would seem like a dream she was about to abruptly wake up from. </p>
<p>“There is the amniotic sac,” Dr. Mendoza said as she moved the ultrasound wand around Valentina’s abdomen, “and there is your little one.” </p>
<p>Juliana buried her head in Valentina’s neck while one of Val’s hands threaded through brown hair. After a few moments Juliana’s favorite sound reverberated in her ears. </p>
<p>
  <em>lubdublubdublubdub</em>
</p>
<p>“Sounds like a steady and strong heartbeat in this little one.” Dr. Mendoza commented. </p>
<p>Juliana, who still only had eyes for Valentina, couldn’t contain the emotion in her voice. “It sounds like a miracle.”</p>
<p>Dr. Mendoza gave the two a few minutes to compose themselves before proceeding with the appointment. She quietly and gently cleaned off the gel on Valentina and put away most of her supplies. </p>
<p>“Sorry about that.” Juliana shyly admitted. </p>
<p>“Please, Juliana. Don’t be sorry. You two have been through a lot. If you need a few more minutes I can leave you two alone?”</p>
<p>“No, no. We’re okay.” Juliana reassured her. </p>
<p>“Okay, we’re almost done. I just wanted to check in and see how things are going?” Dr. Mendoza could see that, despite the joy in Valentina’s eyes, she looked like she might not be feeling too well. </p>
<p>“She’s been really tired lately. Like really low energy. And nauseous all day…” Juliana answered for her wife. She didn’t want Valentina to minimize her symptoms. “I know it’s normal. But…” she looked into grateful blue eyes, “it’s a little hard to watch. I can’t imagine going through it.” </p>
<p>“Yes, Juls is right. It hasn’t been easy. But it’s okay,” Valentina made sure that Juliana heard what she was saying as well, “I’ll gladly go through this if it means the baby is healthy.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry to hear you’re not feeling 100%, Valentina. But yes, Juliana, you’re right. It is perfectly normal. That I can guarantee. If it gets too much just give me a call. Maybe we can alter your prenatal vitamins to something with less iron.</p>
<p>“Ladies, I promise. This is completely normal. I’m going to help you through this pregnancy to best of my ability. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to call me.” </p>
<p>Once they were as reassured as they could be, the two left the clinic. They both knew that this was not going to be a smooth process. But no matter what as long as they had each other they could make it through this first trimester. </p>
<p>XXXXX</p>
<p>
  <strong>8 Weeks</strong>
</p>
<p>Valentina’s queasiness was still present the entire day. She was already exhausted, and she barely did anything. And not to mention the morning sickness. Why would they even call it that if it could happen at any time during the day? She did find some relief in knowing that it could have been worse, some women had that dreaded morning sickness throughout the entire day. <em>Can you even imagine?!</em> </p>
<p>One day, after leaving work early, Valentina found herself dragging her feet as she walked into the apartment. She had a meeting with some of the board members and her staff and advised them that she was going to be working from home more often. She avoided any questions as so why, not ready to break the news just yet, but there was no way she would get away with calling in sick for much longer. </p>
<p>The rumour mill was already buzzing throughout the office. But luckily, having your name on the building and a very understanding staff, saved her from giving away too much information. Valentina knew people already speculated about what was going on with her. She was either pregnant or dying of cancer, according to the office gossip. Either way people asked minimal questions and attended to her every need. Something she was more than fine with. </p>
<p>As she walked into the apartment, she sensed something was off. Juliana’s bags were on the dining room table and Lanna was nowhere to be seen. Valentina just figured Juls was working from home today and wondered if she could convince her wife to cuddle with her for a bit. It really was the only thing that made her feel better. </p>
<p>She slowly threw her work bag beside Juliana’s, took off her jacket, and slowly made her way to the home office. Not seeing Juliana, she proceeded to check the bedroom. The sight before her stopped her dead in her tracks. </p>
<p>Juliana was running around their bedroom setting up a little overbed table with wheels. It looked like a little table to do work on while she laid in bed. There was a bag of what looked like groceries. <em>In the bedroom?</em> Juliana was always working on random projects around the house. This one though, was an odd one. </p>
<p>Just as Juliana turned around to grab the bag she yelped in surprise. Valentina couldn’t help but laugh at the sound and the height at which Juliana jumped in the air. </p>
<p>“Jesus, Valentina. Make yourself known.” She remarked as she put a hand to her beating heart and tried to regulate her breathing. “Some guard dog you are.” Juliana address Lanna, who was beside her. The little dog just rolled onto her back, silently demanding a belly rub. Juliana complied with an eye roll. </p>
<p>“What are you doing?” The whole scene was hilarious to Valentina. </p>
<p>Ignoring the blush, she knew was covering her face, Juliana decided to show instead of tell Valentina was she was up to. </p>
<p>“I got something for you. How are you feeling?” Not missing a beat Juliana came over and kissed Valentina hello. </p>
<p>“I decided to leave a bit early. I didn’t want to throw up all over my desk.” Valentina replied as she hugged her wife. That familiar scent of Juliana and the comfort of those strong arms always made her feel better. It felt like coming home. </p>
<p>Juliana kissed Valentina on the forehead, “why don’t you take a quick shower. It might make you feel better. Then you can change into something comfortable and we can cuddle. How does that sound?” </p>
<p>“You’re so smart. I can’t wait until the baby is as smart as you. But what’s my surprise. And why are there groceries on the bedroom floor?”</p>
<p>Juliana just rolled her eyes. She should have known Val wouldn’t drop it when here was a surprise involved. </p>
<p>“I promise, I’ll explain everything. Just take a shower. I have to set everything up anyway.” Juliana gently took Valentina’s hand and lead her into the bathroom. Avoiding eye contact at the moment was her best chance at not giving into those puppy dog eyes. </p>
<p>“You’re lucky I’m tired. You wouldn’t have gotten away with an explanation like that if I wasn’t.” Valentina made sure to add as she started the shower. </p>
<p>“Trust me. I know.” Juliana laughed as she went back to her task at hand. Valentina was home earlier than she expected. </p>
<p>Walking back into the room, she made sure to glare at Lanna one more time. So much for a warning. But the puppy was snoozing away. <em>What a life</em> Juliana couldn’t help but be a little envious. </p>
<p>Just as Juliana finished getting everything ready, she heard the shower shut off. She took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure this was going to work, but if there was any way she could make Valentina’s days a little easier she would. </p>
<p>Valentina came back into the bedroom, taking in everything she saw, she was still a little confused. She threw on a baggy t-shirt and a pair of underwear and made her way over to a shy looking Juliana. Wrapping her arms around Juliana’s neck, she gave her a soft kiss, hoping to ease away some nerves and maybe get an explanation. </p>
<p>“What’s going on over here?” </p>
<p>“Okay. Here. Lay down.” Juliana helped Valentina get under the covers and prop herself on what felt like more pillows than usual. </p>
<p>“I put more fluffy pillows on the bed, and I got you this overbed table.” Juliana dragged said table to Val’s side of the bed, “see you just pull it towards you. Kind like those table at the hospital.” After realizing was an odd example that was, Juliana shook her head and continued. </p>
<p>“It goes over the bed, so you can still be in a comfortable position if you have to read or use your laptop. OH! And, yes, I moved your side table a bit, I hope that’s okay, but I had to fit the mini cooler somewhere.” Valentina was trying to keep up with Juliana’s rambling. But she looked down and saw a little cooler. Juls opened it to show her the bottles of water and ginger ale inside.</p>
<p>“And here are some crackers and these chewable ginger… things… I don’t know what they are exactly but the lady at the pharmacy said they really help with nausea.” </p>
<p>Slowly cluing into what Juliana had done, Valentina could feel the tears in her eyes. Juls had not noticed yet. She was too busy showing Val where everything was. Making sure to point that she put everything within arm’s reach for her. </p>
<p>“And then in the drawer I put some more crackers in case the ones on the night stand run out. And on the bed frame there is a little fan, Amazon is great for those little things-”</p>
<p>“Juls…”</p>
<p>Not hearing her, Juliana just continued. Valentina was wondering if she was ever going to take a break to breathe. </p>
<p>“You just flip this little switch. It shouldn’t be too hard to reach, but if it is, I can move it. And the table can easily be moved out of the way too. It has a little tray on the bottom.” She felt a little silly. Maybe this was going overboard. But she couldn’t stop talking, “so you can put the extra pillows on there if you want. Or-” </p>
<p>“Juls, baby.” Valentina gently held Juliana’s wrist to try and get her attention. </p>
<p>Finally looking over Juliana panicked at the tears in Valentina’s eyes. “What wrong? I’m sorry, I should have asked you first. I can return it. I can get you some-”</p>
<p>“You did this for me?” Valentina knew this wasn’t hormones. Juliana was the most considerate person she’s ever met. She didn’t know how she got this lucky. </p>
<p>Juliana move the overbed table out of the way and sat on the bed facing Valentina. She took Val’s hand in hers and kissed her wedding ring. Smiling at the memory. </p>
<p>“You’ve been so tired and sick lately. I just wanted to make it a little easier on you. I hate seeing you like this every day. I mean…” shaking her head, Juliana was starting to get nervous again, “I know it’s a good reason, a great reason, but I just want to help you.” </p>
<p>Valentina pulled Juliana’s hand, bringing the brown eyed girl closer to her. She cupped Juls’ face as she felt her tears being wiped away. </p>
<p>“I love you so much. I… this is perfect. The way you take care of me Juls… I… I just love you so much.” Valentina tried to express her gratitude. </p>
<p>Juliana gently took Valentina’s hand and applied pressure to the inside of her wrist, not sure what was happening Valentina actually felt some of her nausea subside. </p>
<p>“You, and your body, have been through so much to give us a family. I just want to take care of you.”</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Valentina didn’t mean to ask but whatever magic Juliana was doing was actually making her feel better. </p>
<p>“I read somewhere that acupressure in certain spots helps with nausea. And there were some tips about massages for your leg cramps or lower back pain.” Juliana answered, not stopping her ministrations. </p>
<p>“How come I didn’t know about this fun skill?”</p>
<p>“I just started doing it today. I’ve been practising on Marcela. But she’s not nauseous and she’s getting annoyed that I’m distracting her. I just wanted to get it right. I didn’t want to make you feel worse.” Shyly looked away as she admitted this to Valentina. </p>
<p>“Can you come and join me?” Valentina asked as she pat the spot beside her. </p>
<p>Not needing any more encouragement, Juliana got under the covers and sighed in relief as Valentina curled up into her. </p>
<p>“Juls. Thank you so much. Everything about this, about you, is perfect. I love you so much.” For once it was Valentina that was at a loss for words. There was so much more she wanted to say, but nothing could truly describe how grateful and in love she was with this woman. </p>
<p>XXXXX</p>
<p>
  <strong>11 Weeks</strong>
</p>
<p>“Good morning, this is Juliana designs, Marcela speaking. How can I help you?” </p>
<p>
  <em>“Marcela? It’s Valentina. I’m sorry to bug you but Juls didn’t answer her phone. Can I please talk to her? It’s urgent...” </em>
</p>
<p>Valentina’s voice sounded strange; Marcela was out of her seat in an instant. “Yes, Valentina. Of course. She must be talking to one of the seamstresses. Are you okay?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I just need to talk to her please.” </em>
</p>
<p>Marcela ran to the last place she saw her boss, “Juliana, sorry to interrupt.” Marcela addressed the other people in the room, “Juliana can I talk to you outside for a minute?” </p>
<p>Marcela was an amazing assistant; she was professional and hardworking. She would never interrupt Juliana if it wasn’t important. </p>
<p>“Excuse me, guys.” Juliana stepped out of the room, “are you okay? What’s wrong?” Marcela’s face was worrying her. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry to bug you. But Valentina is on the phone. She says it’s urgent.” Covering the receiver Marcela added, “Juliana, she sounds like she’s crying.” </p>
<p>Not needing anymore information Juliana took the phone and went into the first empty room she could find. </p>
<p>“Val? Baby? Are you okay?” Juliana was shaking slightly. </p>
<p><em>“Juls… can you come home please?</em> </p>
<p>Valentina was crying. Every bad possible scenario crossed Juliana’s mind like a horror movie. </p>
<p>“I’m on my way. I love you. I’ll be home soon.” Juliana got off the phone and indicated to Marcela to follow her. The two of the raced to Juls’ office. </p>
<p>“I need to go home. I don’t know what’s happening, but something is wrong. Can you please apologise to everyone?” Juliana asked as she grabbed her bag and phone, seeing the missed calls, she tried not to panic. </p>
<p>“Yes. Yes. Of course. Go!”</p>
<p>Juliana was so thankful she didn’t drive today, leaving the car for Val in case she needed it, she wasn’t sure she would not be able concentrate on driving given where her mind was going. </p>
<p>She called for an Uber as she was getting her things together, happy to see that it had arrived when she made it out of her store. </p>
<p>“I’ll give you an extra tip and 5-star rating if you can take me to my destination quickly.” She begged the driver and she threw her stuff in the back seat and got in the car. </p>
<p>“You got a deal.” </p>
<p>Before she knew it, she was pacing the elevator, willing it to reach their floor faster. As soon as she got into the apartment, she threw her bag and keys on the first available surface she found. </p>
<p>“VAL!”</p>
<p>Hearing Lanna’s bark, Juliana raced up the stairs and into the bedroom. She saw Valentina curled into a ball on the bed crying. </p>
<p>
  <em>Please no, please no, please no</em>
</p>
<p>She didn’t know what to think, but Valentina crying was not a good sign. </p>
<p>As soon as Valentina saw her, she opened her arms and cried harder for Juliana.</p>
<p>“Val please. Please tell me what’s wrong. Are you okay? Is it the baby?” So many things were swirling around in her mind, she needed Valentina to say something. </p>
<p>“I’m scared. I… I… I’m scared.” It sounded like Valentina was having trouble breathing. </p>
<p>“Are you bleeding? Are you pain?” Juliana needed to know something. </p>
<p>Valentina just shook her head and huge sigh of relief escaped Juliana’s body. At least the worst-case scenario was not the issue here. </p>
<p>Lowering her voice to a more calming tone, Juliana laid beside Valentina on the same pillow, “Val, baby. I need you to look at me okay.” Valentina just shook her head. </p>
<p>“I’m just going to hold you for a second okay?” Not seeing any opposition coming from Valentina, Juliana slowly wrapped her arm around Valentina waist and brought Val closer to her. </p>
<p>“Val, can you open your eyes?” Juliana wanted to cry herself at the fear and panic in those blue eyes. It looked like Valentina was having a panic attack. </p>
<p>“Good girl, just look at me baby, okay? Just look into my eyes.” Valentina was looking at her but shaking her head. </p>
<p>Taking one of Val’s hand she placed it on her chest, “keep looking at me okay?” Once she got an unsteady nod, Juliana took a deep breath. </p>
<p>“Feel my chest? Feel how deep my breaths are?” another nod.</p>
<p>“Can you do that for me? Can you take a deep breath?” She mirrored Valentina and put her own hand on Valentina’s chest. </p>
<p>“Come on, pretty girl. Take a deep breath with me – keep looking at me. Look into my eyes and take a deep breath.” After a few moments she felt the rise and fall of Valentina’s chest turn to a steadier pattern. She could feel the erratic heartbeat under her palm slow down as the cloudiness in Valentina eyes subsided. </p>
<p>“Good. There you are.” Juliana said with a smile, “there’s those pretty blue eyes.” </p>
<p>Juliana saw Valentina bottom lip tremble and just pulled Val closer to her. Valentina had a tight grip on Juliana’s shirt as she cried into her wife’s neck. </p>
<p>“Val, baby, you’re scaring me. What happened.”</p>
<p>Valentina shook her head, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for calling and scaring you… I’m… so sorry.” She barely got out through her tears. </p>
<p>“Shhh. No. Don’t be sorry. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”</p>
<p>“I am… oh my god. You were probably terrified,” this realization just made Valentina cry harder. “It’s… it’s 11 weeks and I just… nothing happened. But I just got scared. I don’t want to have another miscarriage.” It seemed so irrational to freak out the way she did. She didn’t mean to scare Juliana.</p>
<p>“No, babe. Don’t worry. I’m just so glad you’re okay. And I know, I know how you feel.” Juliana kissed her forehead. “I actually didn’t sleep at all last night. I was just watching you.” </p>
<p>“Creeper.” Juliana let out a shaky breath, Valentina joking around was a good sign. </p>
<p>“You’re fine, Val. And the baby is fine. You don’t have to be scared.” Juliana tried her best to reassure Valentina. </p>
<p>Juliana continued to mutter quiet reassurances into Valentina ear. Eventually Val’s breathing evened out and Juliana felt her slowly fall asleep. Safe and warm in the comfort of the only pair of arms that always made her feel better.</p>
<p>XXXXX</p>
<p>
  <strong>12 Weeks</strong>
</p>
<p>The end of week 12 brought on many different feelings for Valentina. She didn’t get the chance to go this far the last time she was pregnant. While she still felt nerves race through her body after each additional day, she was also so happy. </p>
<p>They were heading to Dr. Mendoza’s office for the first trimester scan, she couldn’t believe it. If all went well today, they would not only get the first picture taken of their little one, but they would be able to start telling people. </p>
<p>It hadn’t been easy avoiding her family’s questions. She was pretty sure Lupe knew exactly what was going on. It was this reason that Juliana was adamant about not being with her mother alone. Juliana didn’t think she would be able to keep it in if she saw Lupe’s excited face in addition to her incessant questions, so she made sure Valentina was with her the whole time. Which in retrospect may have been a bad idea. Juliana’s protectiveness of her wife had multiplied tenfold, you had to be blind not to know something was going on. </p>
<p>This time when Valentina was on that examination bed, she was practically wiggling with excitement. Juliana loved it when Val was this excited. The morning sickness and nausea had finally stopped, and Valentina was back to her energetic self. </p>
<p>Dr. Mendoza walked into the office to see Juliana and Valentina laughing and making heart eyes at each other. She was going to be so sad when she wouldn’t get to see them anymore. </p>
<p>“Look at you two. Someone seems to be in a much better mood this time.” Dr. Mendoza commented as she addressed Valentina. </p>
<p>“I finally don’t feel nauseous anymore and I can actually eat an entire meal without throwing everything up. I’m feeling great.” Valentina responded. Clearly in much better spirits than the last ultrasound. </p>
<p>“That’s great news. I also heard about your scare last week. Is everything okay with that?” Valentina had called Dr. Mendoza’s office as she waited for Juliana but couldn’t get a hold of the doctor. She ended up being grateful though, she didn’t want to seem like an over dramatic pregnant woman. </p>
<p>She said as much when she was finally able to speak with Dr. Mendoza. “I’m better now. I think I was just triggered by the date and… just freaked out.” Valentina shyly responded. She smiled when she felt Juliana kiss her forehead. </p>
<p>“That is perfectly normal, Valentina. A lot of the things that women go through when they are pregnant seem daunting and scary. But it’s all normal. Trust me when I say you will know if something is wrong. And it’s never a bad thing to be overly cautious. But can call my office anytime.</p>
<p>“Now, I know you didn’t get the chance to reach this point last time. But this will actually be the last scan we do together. We already have been notified of your next appointment with the OBGYN, Dr. Lopez. </p>
<p>“So before we get to the fun stuff, I just want to say what a pleasure it is to have you two as clients.”</p>
<p>“Dr. Mendoza, I can’t begin to tell you how much we appreciate everything you have done for us. You made this process much easier. The way you treated us will never be forgotten.” Juliana tried to explain how grateful she was to Dr. Mendoza. It was going to be hard to not see someone they have come to be so comfortable with. But it was a good sign that this pregnancy was progressing according to plan. This was just the next step in their journey. </p>
<p>Once Dr. Mendoza was able to compose herself and return the sentiment, she proceeded to repeat the ultrasound process. This time Juliana’s eyes were glued to the ultrasound screen. </p>
<p>The familiar sound of <em>lubdublubdublubdub</em> invaded Juliana’s ears. Causing the widest grin to appear on her face. She turned to Valentina who was looking at her with her ‘you’re so adorable’ face. Valentina couldn’t help it. Juliana looked like a kid on Christmas Day. </p>
<p>“Alright ladies, let’s try and get the right positioning to see this little one.” </p>
<p>Soon there was a grainy black and white image on the screen. There was no mistaking it. That was their baby. </p>
<p>“Holy shit.” Juliana didn’t even realize her thoughts were vocalized until she felt Valentina squeeze her hand. “Don’t swear in front of the baby.” Juliana turned to look at her wife, seeing the tears that mirrored her own. </p>
<p>“Val! That’s our baby!” She excitedly, and unnecessarily, pointed out. </p>
<p>Once the appointment was done Valentina cleaned herself off and buttoned up her pants. Dr. Mendoza gave the couple the first picture of their little baby. Juliana was so overcome with joy she couldn’t help but hug the surprised doctor. </p>
<p>Instantly retreating to Valentina’s side when she felt herself blush. Other than with Valentina, Juliana was not a hugger. But maybe she could make an exception this once. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Are you guys ready for this ride?</p>
<p>So sorry if there are any mistakes. I only got to read through this once. </p>
<p>Let me know what you think!</p>
<p>P.S. I've seen Barb spell Lanna's name like this... and like 'Lana'<br/>So I have no idea how to actually spell it. LOL. sorry if it bothers people!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Merry Christmas!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all again for your kind words! I hope everyone is enjoying this so far!</p><p>I'm trying to get back to quicker updates... but I've actually had to work that last couple of days! I'm hoping to have the next one up soon!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>Once they got home from their first trimester scan, Juliana could not stop looking at the sonogram picture. She couldn’t believe that little guy, or girl she mentally corrected, was their baby. Even though Valentina went through all the standard first trimester symptoms of pregnancy, it was seeing this picture that solidified everything for Juliana. She felt an immediate sense of protectiveness and love surge through her body. </p><p>Juliana often wondered what kind of relationship she would have with her child. She had a very good relationship with Lupe, but barely considered Chino to be her father. Valentina was carrying this little life; she was connected to this baby in a way that Juliana couldn’t even begin to fathom. But what about her? Would she feel instantly connected to this little baby? More importantly, would their baby feel connected to her?</p><p>She was a hard believer that just because you provided the sperm or the egg to make a baby, doesn’t mean that you were automatically a parent. Look at Chino or their sperm donor. It took a lot more than genetics to make a parent. She would make sure that this little one didn’t doubt their place in Juliana’s life for one second. She vowed to make sure that when that little baby came into this world, he or she would know who exactly Juliana was. Their mother. Their mama. </p><p>She was so engrossed in her inner musings she didn’t notice that Valentina was now sitting beside her on the couch, a small smile playing on her face as she watched Juliana stare at the sonogram. </p><p>“You know, we only have one.” Valentina’s voice made her slightly jump. “If your laser eyes burn a hole in that one, we don’t have another one.” </p><p>Narrowing her eyes, Juliana tried to be offended but she couldn’t keep the smile of her face, “look! That’s a person!”</p><p>Juliana’s elation was Valentina’s favorite part of this whole experience. She loved the way Juls’ eyes lit up every time she talked about the baby or to the baby, even though Juliana tried to hide that little bit of information. Juliana used to keep her emotions in, she never used to like showing how she really felt. Valentina had always attributed that to the fact that Juliana never wanted to wish for more than what she had. And if there was something she wanted, something that made her smile, she always hid that want away. Always afraid of wanting something so much but never getting to have it. </p><p>But this was different. Every time Juliana talked about the baby Valentina could see the sparkle in those brown eyes. As if Juliana was saying: <em>look what we did!</em> It didn’t matter if that child was not genetically related to Juliana or not. They would be so loved and cherished by having this brown eyed woman as their mama. </p><p>“I can’t believe you have a whole person in there.” Juliana commented as she placed her hand on Valentina’s flat stomach. </p><p>“Crazy isn’t it? This time next year we’ll have a little baby opening Christmas gifts.” As if the thought just crossed Juliana’s mind, her eyes lit up at Valentina’s words. Her smile was infectious, and Valentina couldn’t help but reflect it back with a little giggle. </p><p>“Oh my god. Val! The baby will be here next Christmas!” Valentina just laughed. She couldn’t wait to celebrate and dress up their little one in the most ridiculous Christmas outfit and take hundreds of pictures. Now that the first trimester was over, she allowed herself these fantasies. She thought about, and vocalized, everything she wanted to do once the baby was here. Sure, there would be 100 things that could happen that were out of her control. But right now, she was optimistic. It had been so long since she’s allowed herself to plan a future for their little family; she couldn’t stop now even if she tried. </p><p>The end of Valentina’s first trimester fell right in the middle of December. They had been so consumed with the first three months of this pregnancy, and Valentina’s health, that they hardly even considered putting up decorations. But getting the green light that everything was progressing as it should, and the fact that Valentina was feeling like her old self again, there was no reason to put off celebrating the holiday any longer. </p><p>“I kind of have an idea on how to tell our parents.” Valentina brought up as she leaned her head on Juls’ shoulder and stared down at the sonogram picture. She was content just watching Juliana absentmindedly caresses the image of their baby with her thumb. Now that they were passed the first trimester hurdle, telling people was going to be something they had to think about.</p><p>“Oh yea, what are you thinking?” </p><p>“Maybe we can get them frames and have your mom and my dad open them at the same time?”</p><p>“I love that idea. It would be so funny to see their reactions.” Juliana smiled and kissed the top of Valentina’s forehead. </p><p>“We still have so much shopping to do. We only brought gifts for Iz. We still have to get something for everyone else.” Juliana, always the logical one, pointed out. </p><p>Valentina was in too good of a mood to let a little holiday stress get in the way of what a great day she was having. She slowly got up and eased herself onto Juliana lap and cupped her face. She couldn’t help but place a few kisses on those irresistible lips.</p><p>“Well… since we have Iz’s gifts and now an idea for our parents. It’s really just Mateo, Panchito, Renata, and my stupid brother we have to worry about. How about we decorate the tree tonight and then we can go shopping tomorrow. We can make it a day date.” Valentina asked as she gently pushed some of Juliana’s hair behind her ear. </p><p>“That sounds perfect, babe. How about you make us some snacks and I’ll go down to the storage room and get the tree and the decorations?”</p><p>“You know, I’m pregnant not useless. I can help you.” Valentina pointed out. </p><p>Juliana just kissed her nose, said a quick “be right back,” before patting Valentina’s butt asking her to get off. Not even entertaining the idea of Valentina helping lift boxes. </p><p>As Juliana was digging through their storage unit trying to find the Christmas tree, she couldn’t stop thinking about what next Christmas would be like. How amazing it would be to hold their little baby and open gifts as a family. Throughout the first trimester she was very cautious about thinking about these things. About what things would be like, or what they would do, when the baby came. But she felt so much better after this visit. For some reason that little, grainy picture gave her all the reassurance she needed that things would work out. It had been so hard the last few months, and watching Val suffer had been the worst part of it. But she was much more optimistic and confident now. She knew, without a doubt, that things would work out. The next time she dug out this tree there was going to be a new addition to spoil with gifts. </p><p>And she was definitely going to spoil them.</p><p>Juliana was back upstairs just as Valentina had laid out some snack. A spot in the corner of the apartment, in front of one of the large windows, was already cleared and ready for the tree. With candles lit throughout the place, and the low lighting, all they needed was some Christmas carols to set the mood. </p><p>Just as the thought crossed her mind, <em>Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas</em> wafted through the sound system. </p><p>It took them a little longer than intended to set up and decorate the tree. They kept pausing to exchange kisses and dance to the music. There was also one minor disagreement about the lights that would go up along the window’s edge. Valentina wanted to string them up and Juliana threated to tie her to a chair if she even thought about climbing a ladder. </p><p>In the end no one was tied to any chairs and they decided lights on the edge of the balcony would suffice. As they put the non-used decorations back in the box and moved it to the side, to be attended to later, <em>O Holy Night</em> began to play. </p><p>Juliana extended her hand to Valentina, a silent invitation to dance. Juliana placed a soft kiss to Valentina’s neck, as Val’s arms draped over her shoulders. Circling a narrow waist, Juliana pulled her love in closer.</p><p>“There was this one Christmas when I was a kid.” Juliana began as Valentina just stayed quiet. Juliana rarely talked about her childhood and Val never knew if it was going to be a happy memory or a sad one that came out of the brown eyed girl’s mouth. So, Valentina just hugged her tighter in silent encouragement to continue. </p><p>“Chino wasn’t around much that year and he missed Christmas completely. My mom was able to get more money working Christmas Eve, so she bought us something nice for Christmas dinner… I don’t even remember what it was exactly. </p><p>“Anyway, this song came on the radio and Lupe started to sing along. It had been so long since I heard her sing. Chino would always tell her to be quiet so he could rest. But that night… that night she sang like an angel.</p><p>“I didn’t get anything that year for Christmas, but they way that Lupe sang this song would always resonate with me. It actually felt like Christmas that year. I know that sounds dumb,” Juliana shook her head. She didn’t even know why she was telling this to Val. </p><p>“But it made me feel joy for the first time. It didn’t matter what we had or didn’t have. All I knew was that my mother could sing like an angel. It gave me hope you know. I can’t wait for the first time our kid sees a Christmas tree, or Santa, and gets excited. That would be better than any gift I could ever receive.” </p><p>Before Valentina could respond she heard Juliana’s own angelic voice in her ear. </p><p>
  <em>A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices<br/>
For yonder breaks a new glorious morn<br/>
Fall on your knees</em>
</p><p>The way Juliana sang this line sent shivers throughout Valentina’s body.</p><p>
  <em>O hear the angels' voices<br/>
O night divine<br/>
O night when Christ was born<br/>
O night divine o night<br/>
O night divine </em>
</p><p>As Juliana’s voice trailed off, Valentina lifted her head and peered into brown eyes. </p><p>“Why are you crying… I didn’t mean to make you sad.” Juliana’s voice came out in whisper. </p><p>Valentina closed her eyes and swallowed audibly, “I just wish I knew you back then. I wish… I just wish I could have given you everything you’ve ever wanted.”</p><p>“You do, Val. You’re everything I never knew I’ve always wanted. Everything you do for me, everything your body is doing to give us a family, you’ve given me my dream come true. I’m glad that we met when we did. I wouldn’t change a thing. I get to have this life I have now because of you.” Juliana tried to reassure her. </p><p>It wasn’t her intention to bring down the mood when she told Valentina that story. In fact, she was trying for the opposite reaction. Valentina threaded her hands through soft brown hair and pulled Juliana towards her. She kissed Juliana in way that made the other girl’s knees weak. Juliana just chased her lips as Val tried to pull away. Exchanging slow, soft kisses as they danced to Christmas songs in their living room was Juliana’s idea of perfection. </p><p>“I want to start our own traditions.” Valentina voiced out of the blue. She had to repeat herself when Juliana was more interested in her lips. “Did you hear what I said?” Valentina laughed at the dreamy look on Juls’ face. </p><p>“Sorry. My brain short circuits when you’re this close to me.” </p><p>“Charmer.” Valentina pecked Juls’ lips one more time. “I said… I was us to start our own tradition.”</p><p>“What did you have in mind?” It really was hard to concentrate on anything when Valentina was this close. </p><p>“I want Christmas Eve for us. For our family. Your mom and Panchito are coming to my dad’s on Christmas day anyway. Maybe we can just have Christmas Eve for us.” Valentina trailed off at the smile on Juliana’s face. </p><p>“What? Is that a bad idea? Do you think your mom would be offended at that?” She couldn’t help but ask. Juliana still hadn’t said anything. She was just looking at Val with that dopey grin on her face. </p><p>“I think that’s perfect. Panchito and my mom are going to his side of the family on Christmas Eve anyway. And there so way I want to see Milagros again.” Juliana shuddered. “I think it’s perfect to start our own little tradition.” </p><p>“Great!” Valentina said, slightly jumping on the spot, still in Juliana’s arms. “You scared me for a second there.” </p><p>“Sorry. I just love hearing ‘our family’ come out of your mouth.” Juliana admitted with a blush. </p><p>“Well get used to it. Come on,” Valentina kissed her, “let’s go upstairs and celebrate the fact that we decorated our tree.” Grabbing Juliana’s hand, Valentina lead her upstairs. The best thing for Juliana about the second trimester so far was the increase in Val’s energy… and her sex drive.  </p><p>“This is the best Christmas.” Juliana pointed out as she followed her wife. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>Christmas Eve came before they even knew it. They had both agreed not to get each other any gifts this year. They felt like a healthy pregnancy was more than enough of a Christmas miracle. They didn’t need anything else. </p><p>They decided to order in for their Christmas Eve dinner. One of Juliana’s favourite things they used to do when they first moved in together was order food, after sex, and feed each other while they were on the couch… or the floor… or the bed. Anywhere that they ended up really. It would be an intense game of rock, paper, scissors to see who had to put on clothes and answer the door. </p><p>This night however, they were both fully clothed and their living room was lit up by candles, no real lights were allowed according to Valentina. The soft glow of the candles and the Christmas music playing in the background, created a romantic and serene ambiance. What made it even better was that Juliana refused to take of the Santa hat she was wearing for the mere fact that Valentina thought she looked cute in it. Juliana made sure to get one for Lana too, that however, did not last long. Lana was not a fan of hats. </p><p>They ordered all their favorite dishes from Perlita’s restaurant and sat on the floor, backs against the couch, feeding each other like lovesick teenagers. Juliana liked to keep a tough exterior, but all that bravado went straight out the door when Valentina was involved. Every kiss felt just like the first one, every time they made love it felt like a new beginning, and every touch sent an electric current throughout Juliana’s body like she was the one that got electrocuted. All of these feelings were just intensified with the Christmas season. The lights, the music, and especially the company made Juliana giddy with excitement. And Valentina was reaping every benefit of that. </p><p>Once their dinner was done and Valentina was finishing off the last of her fruit juice, poured in a wine glass for added effect, Juliana pulled a small rectangular box from under the couch and placed it in front of Valentina. </p><p>“What’s… that? And how did you hide that so well?” Valentina asked as she looked around. Feeling like something was going to pop out of the couch and surprise her. </p><p>“I know we said no gifts…”</p><p>“Juls.” Valentina stern voice didn’t have its usual effect due to the smile on her face</p><p>“I know… but I saw this, and I couldn’t resist. Merry Christmas, baby.”</p><p>Juliana watched Valentina open the box with a grace Juliana didn’t know Val possessed. Inside was a beautiful white gold .02 carat diamond and amethyst heart pendant on a chain. </p><p>“Juls... it’s beautiful.” Valentina looked up at her with teary eyes. These hormones were going to be the end of her.</p><p>“I know it’s probably not something you’ll wear every day. But the purple stone is amethyst. Our baby… if they survived would have been due in February. And I know how excited we are for this little one,” Juliana carefully caresses Valentina’s stomach with the back of her fingers, “but I just wanted you to know you were a mother a long time ago. And maybe this would be a way of keeping this little one’s older brother or sister close to your heart.” </p><p>Seeing the tears in Valentina’s eyes, Juliana looked down shyly. “I don’t mean that you don’t think about them. But I just thought it was nice. Having the thought of them so close.”</p><p>“Juls. This is so beautiful and thoughtful. I love it so much. Thank you.” Valentina pulled Juliana closer towards her and kissed her softly. </p><p>“Can you put it on?” Juliana just nodded. She knew it wasn’t a piece that Valentina would wear every day and she was fine with that. But it was more something to hold onto when she was sad. A little reminder that she was loved. </p><p>“I feel really silly.” Valentina admitted. </p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p>“I got you something too,” Valentina mentioned with an eye roll, “but it’s not as sweet or as sentimental as yours.” </p><p>“Val, I would love anything you gave me. I would love it even more if you listened for once and didn’t get me anything like we talked about.” Juliana tried to joke, the mood started to get a little somber and the humour was a welcomed respite. </p><p>Valentina just punched her in the arm, “you did it first!”</p><p>“Semantics,” Juliana stated, “so what’s this gift.” </p><p>No matter how old Juliana would get, Valentina hoped that Juls would always have that smile and excitement that was plastered on her face at Christmas time. Or at any time really. </p><p>“Okay, sit on the couch.” </p><p>Juliana dutifully did as she was told and sat on the couch, she was bouncing with excitement which made the fluffy ball at top of her Santa hat bounce up and down with her. Valentina couldn’t help but kiss her on the nose. Juliana was so cute. Not that Valentina would mention that out loud. </p><p>“Close your eyes.”<br/>
“Val…”<br/>
“Close. Them.” Juliana immediate shut her eyes. She loved it when Valentina was bossy. </p><p>After a few seconds Valentina’s voice came out in whisper, “okay. You can open them.” </p><p>If Juliana thought that Valentina standing so close to her would short circuit her brain, she was convinced that this is was what full body paralysis must feel like. The vision that was Valentina Carvajal-Valdes was standing in front of her. Clad in the sexiest two-piece red lingerie set Juliana had ever seen. </p><p>Valentina slowly straddled her lap and took of the Santa hat that was perched on Juliana’s hat and put it on her own. Juliana didn’t know where to look first. The hat, or the expanse of pale skin that contrasted so well with the red, or the lips between Valentina’s legs. </p><p>“Merry Christmas, baby.” These words were a lot sexier when Valentina said them. </p><p>“Val… I’m… I’m actually speechless. You look breathtaking.” Juliana whispered those last words into dark blue eyes. </p><p>“You like it? I thought I would test this one out while it still fits.” There was something in Valentina’s voice that threw Juliana off a bit. A certain hesitantly or self-consciousness. Something that she wasn’t used to hearing from Valentina. They had been with each other for so long, Juliana knew every inch of Valentina’s body. And she reverently worshiped it like it was her own personal alter. </p><p>“Do you remember that sexy outfit that you wore on our wedding day. The one that no one but me got to see?” Valentina nodded; she wasn’t sure where Juliana was going with this. </p><p>“I told you then, and I’ll tell you know. I love this Valentina.” Juliana looked Valentina up and down on her lap, “this image will consume all my dirty thoughts about you.” She could see the blush at Valentina’s chest move to her flushed cheeks. </p><p>“But, baby, you don’t need any of this to impress me. I love everything about you and your body. I can’t wait to see you with our child in your belly. I love you so much. Please don’t think you have to impress me with sexy lingerie. You’re the sexiest person I’ve ever seen, no matter what you wear.” </p><p>“I love you, too. So much.” Valentina kissed Juliana with every ounce of love she could muster. She didn’t realize how much she needed to hear Juliana utter those words. While she wasn’t showing yet, she wasn’t sure how she would feel once the time came when she couldn’t fit into her clothes anymore. She was never self-conscious about her body, especially not the way Juliana looked at her, but somewhere deep down she just needed to her it from Juliana herself. </p><p>They spent the rest of that night, and well into the early morning hours, worshiping each other. Showing, as much as telling each other, how deep their love ran. The hat definitely did not stay on Valentina’s head. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>Despite the lack of sleep from the night before, Valentina was up early. Far too early for Juliana’s liking, and this is coming from someone who is usually up at 6:00 am to go for a run. But Valentina couldn’t help it. It was Christmas!</p><p>After using the bathroom, and graciously giving Juliana a few more minutes to sleep in, Valentina found her naked body sprawled on top of Juliana. Trying to coax the brown eyed girl out of her slumber. Juliana was awake but refused to get up. It was way too early after only falling asleep just a few hours ago. How Valentina had all this energy, Juliana would never know. </p><p>“Juls… baby… wake up.” Valentina whispered into Juliana’s ear and she placed soft kisses to any exposed skin she could reach. </p><p>“No.” Came a muffled voice. </p><p>“Come on. It’s Christmas. Time to wake up.”</p><p>“No.” </p><p>Valentina was not impressed with Juliana lack of enthusiasm on such a momentous day. <em>This is not acceptable</em> she thought. </p><p>“Baby… its Christmas. You gotta wake up.” Valentina slowly caressed the tanned skin of a naked back. </p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Well… you leave me no choice.” Juliana didn’t have time to move before Valentina attacked her with tickles. Juls squirmed away the best she could considering the body on top of her. </p><p>“Okay, okay. I’m up.” She got out between bouts of laughter. “No fair. I can’t toss you off me and pin you down. You’re lucky you’re knocked up.” She added. </p><p>“I have zero objection to you pinning me down.” Valentina cheekily replied. She moved slightly, allowing Juliana to turn on her back and stare into blue eyes alight with excitement. </p><p>“Merry Christmas, baby.” Valentina added sweetly with a lingering kiss to Juliana’s lips.</p><p>“Merry Christmas. If you come stay in a bed with me a bit longer, I promise to make you whatever breakfast you want.” Juliana proposed as she gently patted a bare bottom under her hand. </p><p>Valentina, not one to object to a few cuddles and chef Juls, buried herself under the covers and snuggled into her wife. With the warmth and comfort of Juliana’s arms, not to mention the feel of skin upon skin, Valentina was out like a light within a few minutes.  </p><p>--</p><p>After their impromptu nap, and lunch as opposed to breakfast, Juliana and Valentina made their way to the Carvajal estate for Christmas dinner. It was a casual affair, but that didn’t stop Juliana’s eyes from roaming up and down Valentina’s body when she came out of the room fully dressed. </p><p>A few compliments, and a reapplication of smudged lipstick later, the couple were finally at the Christmas party with presents in tow. Only a few minutes late. </p><p>Isabelle was the first to receive her presents, for the time being she was the only grandchild or niece around to spoil and she was taking full advantage of that. Juliana and Valentina exchanged secret glances throughout the gift opening, soon there would be another little one to spoil and they couldn’t wait. </p><p>Juliana was sitting on the couch slight bent forward with her elbows on her knees, Valentina was sitting beside her and couldn’t help but cuddle in close. With the presence of their family, after missing so many dinners due to her nausea, and the festive mood she was giddy with excitement. </p><p>Isabelle was on the floor in between Juliana’s legs, still forever attached to her favorite person, while she played with Lana. </p><p>There were only two more gifts left to hand out and Juliana was actually getting a little nervous. She knew their parents would be thrilled but she was not a fan of attention. And the news of a baby on the way was a sure-fire way to have all the attention put on herself. She hoped most of that fanfare would be directed to the actual pregnant woman. But with the presence of Lupe and the announcement of her first grandchild, there was no wat Juliana was getting out being smothered by her mother. </p><p>“Okay. Papa, Lupe, you guys have to open your gifts at the same time.” Valentina instructed as she handed their parents a rectangular wrapped gift. “Lucia and Panchito, those are for you guys too.” Valentina added. </p><p>Lupe and Leon shared a confused look with each other. It had been quite some time since the transmigration of her ex-husband’s soul, and Lupe was finally at a point where it was natural to see Leon Carvajal with the body of El Chino embrace another woman. There was no jealousy or animosity. There was just pure love and appreciation at being welcomed into a family that accepted her daughter with open arms. </p><p>Leon was practically ripping the paper apart while Lupe, on the other hand, was taking her time. The anticipation was driving everyone crazy, Juliana more so than anyone else. </p><p>“Come on, Ma! You’re supposed to look at it at the time. Stop being so slow.” Juliana teased. </p><p>Lupe just gave her impatient daughter a reproachful look and ripped apart the wrapping paper. </p><p>Both sets of parents were initially very confused. The gift was a wooden box, but it was too narrow to really fit anything. On the front was a beautiful engraved oak tree with <em>Carvajal-Valdes</em> written in script below it. </p><p>“Open it.” Valentina simply said as she already had her camera out and recording. </p><p>In perfect unison, Lupe and Leon opened to box and let out dual gasps. Inside each box was a frame picture of the ultrasound. </p><p>“Oh my god.” “Oh my!” “Really?” Leon, Lucia, and Panchito all said at the same time. It was Lupe who shouted an “I knew it” as everyone got up to cheer congratulate the couple. </p><p>“What? What is it?” Guille pointed out. He had no idea why everyone was jumping up and down. Lupe looked like she was about to start dancing on the spot. </p><p>Leon turned the frame over to everyone else in the room, “I’m going to be an abuelo again!”</p><p>Pretty soon hugs were exchanged, and kisses were given, the whole family was practically in one massive group hug. Lupe walked up to Juliana, “really, mija?” She couldn’t help up ask. She knew there was something going on with these two. </p><p>“Yea, ma. We’re having a baby.” Lupe immediately started crying. After hugging her daughter within an inch of her life she turned to Valentina, “thank you so much for giving my Juli a family, mija. I love you so much.” </p><p>“Lupe… you’re going to make me cry. And it’s so easy these days!” Valentina replied as she hugged her mother in law. </p><p>Just as Juliana was about to walk over to Leon, she felt a tug on her shirt. </p><p>Isabelle was standing in front of her with a confused look on her face, “Juls. What’s happening?”</p><p>Sitting back down, Juliana pulled Isabelle in between her legs.</p><p>“Iz, baby, Tia Val and I are going to have a baby!” She enthusiastically told the little girl. </p><p>Silence. </p><p>Isabelle loved babies so Juliana automatically thought the little girl would be thrilled, she was always introducing every baby she saw to Jack, but her lack of response in this instance was a little strange. </p><p>“Iz? Did you hear Juls?” Valentina asked as she sat down beside her wife. </p><p>“No, thank you.” Was Isabelle’s only response. </p><p>“What?” Juliana was confused. It seemed like such a strange response to the news of a new baby coming. Even from a four-year-old. </p><p>Isabelle just looked around the room, she was sure she said that right. Her daddy always told her to say please and thank you. </p><p>“Isabelle, baby, Tia Val and Juls are going to have a baby!” Mateo pointed out again as he made his way closer to his daughter. Isabelle just looked at him and turned back to Juls, “oh. No, thank you. Please.” She told her. There. That was what she was missing. </p><p>“Iz, you don’t want us to have a baby?” Juliana asked the little girl who all of a sudden looked rather sad. </p><p>“No…”</p><p>“Why not?” Juliana asked as she lifted Isabelle’s chin gently to look at her properly. </p><p>“Juls, if you get a baby then you’re gonna forget about me.” Off all the things Juliana, or anyone in the room, expected to come out of Isabelle mouth, this was definitely not it. </p><p>Valentina kissed the side of Juliana’s head. This whole scene was making her cry and Val couldn’t even blame it on the hormones. Isabelle looked so sad, it was actually heartbreaking. </p><p>Juliana picked up Isabelle and sat the little girl on her lap, “Iz, I promise. I would never forget about you. It doesn’t matter if I have a baby. You’re always going to be my best friend.” She tried to reassure the little girl as she wiped away her tears.</p><p>Isabelle just rested her head on Juliana’s chest, “you promise Juls?” </p><p>Juliana stuck out her pinky finger, “do you remember this?” Isabelle just nodded and laced her own pinky finger with Juliana’s. </p><p>“I promise Iz, no matter what I will never forget about you. You’re always going to be my girl.” </p><p>Valentina looked around the room, everyone present shared her exact thoughts. Juliana was going to make an incredible mother. </p><p>All of a sudden Isabelle sat up straight, almost knocking her head on Juliana’s chin. “I know!” it was nice to see excitement in her eyes again. “How about Tia Val keeps the baby and I can have you?” Juliana, along with everyone else in the room, burst out laughing. </p><p>Everyone except Valentina, <em>gasp</em> “What about me? Why is Juls always your favorite!” Valentina feigning hurt let out, clutching her heart for dramatic flair. </p><p>“How could you, Iz!” Valentina added as she began to tickle the little girl in Juliana’s arms. </p><p>Juliana careful held Isabelle’s legs so she wouldn’t accidently kick Valentina, there was precious cargo in that belly. </p><p>As the sound of the child’s laughter permeated the room, everyone watched the trio in awe. They were going to make the best parents. Any child would be lucky to have them.  </p><p>This really was the best Christmas Juliana has ever had. </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know it's not Christmas LOL... but I had the scene about telling their parents in my head forever and it just made sense to do it as Christmas time!</p><p>Please let me know what you guys think!</p><p>So sorry for any mistake! I tried to catch them all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. 2nd Trimester</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you guys for your kind words on the last chapter! I wanted to reply to all your comments but I really wanted to get this chapter out. </p>
<p>I'm so glad you guys love Iz, and her relationship with Juls, as much as I do =)</p>
<p>This chapter was going to be longer... but I decided to split it up. And by the way things are going there are probably going to be two more chapters and hopefully an epilogue. But you never know!</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>
  <strong>15 Weeks</strong>
</p>
<p>Juliana can faintly remember the time when, not that long ago, Valentina was too sick to go to work or when she had constant nausea throughout the day. It all seems like a distant memory compared to Valentina at 15 weeks pregnant. </p>
<p>Not only had Valentina’s energy increased, but so had her sex drive. An ‘increase’ is actually putting it mildly. Valentina has been insatiable lately. Juliana was definitely not complaining, she’s just not sure if she can keep up with Valentina. </p>
<p>It reminded her of the time when they got back together after their first break up. When their love was this magical, young love bliss and everything was so new and shiny. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. They still can’t keep their hands off of each other now, but back then sex was suddenly this new adventure for them. The mystique around sneaking around and trying to be quiet just added fuel to how much they craved each other. Juliana had not slept with anyone before Valentina, in fact, she didn’t see what all the hype about it was. She slept with Sergio after their breakup to ease her broken heart, but it didn’t mean anything. She was numb throughout the whole ordeal, staring at the ceiling waiting for it to be over and done with. She felt nothing; not pleasure, not pain, just regret. All she thought about was how she had just betrayed Valentina. </p>
<p>She wasn’t interested in Sergio in the slightest, nor was she interested in any man. The thought of a sweaty, manly body on top of her made her cringe. However, when that image turned to a passionate, writhing, and beautiful blue-eyed angel, sex became something more. It was intense and raw and breathtakingly beautiful. If someone could put a physicality behind the sensation of being in love, it would be making love to Valentina. </p>
<p>Juliana remembers a time in the beginning, when they were first tasting the euphoria of being together in such an intimate way, she asked Valentina why she shied away when Juliana would look into her eyes while they made love. It caught Valentina off guard. She didn’t even know that was what she was doing. Valentina, in a small voice so different than what Juliana was used to, had told her she’s never looked into someone’s eyes when she had sex with them before. As if they could tell she would rather be anywhere but there. It made her feel too vulnerable, too insecure. </p>
<p>But with Juliana it was different. Valentina told her that when Juls looked at her, really looked at her, while she was on top of Valentina, or ever below her, it was like someone seeing her for the first time. There was so much love in Juliana’s eyes that Valentina could feel it penetrate her body. Not with toys, or her tongue, or her fingers. But in the way that Juliana’s glistening, deep brown eyes told her she was in love with more than just Valentina’s body. Those eyes told her that Juliana loved her mind and her soul. They told Val that Juliana loved the way that Valentina made her feel alive. </p>
<p>And it scared her. It scared Valentina that she felt that exact same way. That it was possible to feel this much and this deeply about someone. For all of her bravado and how hard Valentina fought for them to be together, Valentina had never felt love so deeply before. The first time Valentina held eye contact with Juliana, while Juls eased her fingers in and out of Valentina’s most intimate area, she cried. She cried because to be really seen by someone was the most intimate and extreme phenomena two people could experience together. It didn’t matter that they were both naked and exposed, Juliana saw her, and still loved her. </p>
<p>Now while that same intensity and passion still existed between the two of them, they had their own place. This passion between them was ignited with the familiarity of being with someone so intimately for so long. There was no need to sneak around and be quiet. They could have sex anywhere they wanted. And Valentina rose to that challenge during her second trimester. She craved Juliana in a way that it physically ached. </p>
<p>Just the other day Juliana picked up Valentina’s call, only to be met with breathy moans and pleading need from the voice on the other end. Begging for Juliana to ease the craving Valentina had for Juliana’s lips and fingers to satisfy her urges. The pencil Juliana was using to work on her designs almost snapped in half at the force of Juliana’s grip on it in an effort to control the visceral reaction Valentina’s aching voice caused between her legs. </p>
<p>Despite Juliana’s pleas that she was at work and couldn’t be there to lend a helping hand, Valentina continued to tease and explain in excruciating detail were her fingers were and how deep they were going. Begging for Juliana to come home and replace Val’s fingers with her own. Juliana couldn’t do this. She couldn’t have phone sex at work. <em>Could she?</em></p>
<p>Something else that drastically changed when Juliana opened herself up to sex, particularly sex with Valentina, was the way her body responded to Valentina’s dirty talk. She used to be so shy and embarrassed when Valentina would whisper all the sinful things she wanted to do to Juls’ body or have Juls do to her. Now, it caused an ache between Juliana’s legs to intensely that the only way to ease that need was for Valentina’s mouth to do less talking and more action.</p>
<p>This incident in particular ended with Juliana locking herself in her office bathroom. Hand shoved into her pants, beyond her panties, entering her wet core without any resistance as she heard Valentina’s loud moan permeated through the phone.</p>
<p>Never in her wildest dreams would she think she would be here. Pleasuring herself to the sounds of her wife’s release on the other end of the line. It had been like this the moment Valentina hit her second trimester. Quick releases before work, at work, or long drawn out sessions in the privacy of their own home. Juliana was tired and sore in all the right places, for all the right reasons. New Year’s Eve was spent with the two of them consumed with each other’s bodies and deep moans with no concept of time. </p>
<p>Despite the tiredness, Juliana kept up with her morning runs. It was something she needed for her own mental peace of mind. As excited as she was for the new baby, she knew it would be a challenge. One that she had never faced before. With her company taking off with greater and greater success, she would have to learn how to maintain a proper work-life balance and be able to help with the new arrival. And not to mention the fact that, sooner or later, she was going to have to bring up the topic of getting a new place to Val. They really couldn’t raise a baby in a two-story loft. All in all, she was trying not to let the pending stress get to her. </p>
<p>Juliana got back from her Saturday morning run and walked into the apartment out of breath and energized. Lana, on the other hand, immediately walked over to her bed and was knocked out within minutes. Despite being January the weather in Mexico City was perfect. Juliana took off her long tank top and tucked it into her shorts that were riding low on her hip. Showing off her sinful obliques. Sweat was glistening all over her chest and highlighted her incredible abdominal muscles. </p>
<p>“Hey babe.” She absentmindedly called out to Valentina, who was on the couch, as she began to gulp down a bottle of water. </p>
<p>Valentina couldn’t take her eyes off of Juliana. With her chest heaving and stomach clenching as she hydrated her body, Juliana was making Valentina overheat. </p>
<p>With all the sex they had been having and Juliana’s regular runs, her body was incredible. No wonder Valentina was so desperate for her. It was not fair really, to have a sex drive this high and a sex goddess walking around practically half naked. </p>
<p>Noticing a lack of response, Juliana turned to her wife, eyebrow raised in question. She knew that look on Valentina’s face. </p>
<p>“You okay there?” She asked with a smirk. Juliana could see Valentina trail her eyes up and down her body. </p>
<p>Valentina herself was wearing those sexy black rimmed glasses, and with her lip between her teeth, it took all of Juliana’s will power to not to pounce on her. It looks like that sex drive was contagious. </p>
<p>Not one to beat around the bush, Valentina closed her laptop and put it on the couch before making her way over to Juliana. She hadn’t said a word. But those eyes, now dark blue, spoke volumes. </p>
<p>Juliana put down the water bottle just as Valentina reached her. Cupping Juliana’s face and pulling her in for a deep, all-consuming kiss. They were so caught up in each other, neither one wanted to separate. Trying to breathe through their noses just so they could stay connected.</p>
<p>One of Juliana’s hands made its way up Valentina’s back under her t-shirt, while the other squeezed an underwear clad bottom. Valentina couldn’t help the moan that came out of her mouth as Juliana pulled their bodies closer together. </p>
<p>She kissed and tasted the salty remnants of Julian’s work out on her neck before kissing her one more time. Biting a bottom lip and releasing it with a pop. Juliana was sex personified and Valentina could not get enough. </p>
<p>“Juls… I need you.” Juliana could hear the want in Valentina’s unnaturally rough voice. Juliana lifted Valentina’s shirt over her head and tossed it behind her before slightly bending down to lift Valentina in her arms. </p>
<p>Impossibly long legs wrapped around Juliana’s waist as Valentina’s hands immediately dug into dark brown hair. Valentina had one arm around strong sweaty shoulders, as Juliana took a pert pink nipple in her mouth. Valentina remembers being initially shy at Juliana’s “hmm these are new” in response to her larger breast, that seem to increase in size overnight. But the way Juliana attended to her body made her forget any shyness she previously felt. Now she just felt worshiped.</p>
<p>Juliana gently placed Valentina on the dining table behind her, and took of her sports bra, before she began to kiss her way down Valentina’s body. Paying special attention to a small baby bump that also seemed to appear overnight. Juliana couldn’t stop caressing it or kissing it. </p>
<p>“Juls…” Not hearing anything except the sounds of Valentina’s moans, Juliana continued to kiss her way across her favorite canvas, slowly making her way to sodden underwear. </p>
<p>“Please…” </p>
<p>“Tell me what you want, baby.” Juliana said between kisses to the panty covered lips between Valentina’s legs. </p>
<p>“You know what I want.” It was the first time since this little detour started that Juliana heard a demand in Valentina’s voice. She knew exactly what Valentina was talking about. </p>
<p>Torturously slow, Juliana kissed her way back up Valentina’s torso. Stopping only to pay special attention to sensitive nipples. </p>
<p>“Val… I don’t know.” She admitted, staring into blue eyes desperate with want. The atmosphere was slowly losing its lust with the hesitancy in Juliana’s voice. </p>
<p>“Baby, I promise it will be okay.” Valentina tried to reassure her. </p>
<p>Valentina had been wanting Juliana to fuck her with their strap on. She had been craving it, almost to the point of begging. But Juliana was hesitant. She never vocalized her reasonings, but Valentina knew what her love was afraid of. </p>
<p>“I promise the baby will be okay.” For some reason Juliana had an irrational fear that using the strap on would cause complications with the pregnancy. She didn’t know why. Even her research, that Valentina knows nothing about, told her everything would be okay. But Juliana just couldn’t shake the image of Valentina bleeding out of her mind. </p>
<p>“What if something happens. I can’t control myself with you sometimes and I don’t want to hurt you or the baby.” Juliana got out in a self-conscious whisper. She almost wanted to roll her own eyes at herself, “I know it’s stupid. But… I’m worried.” </p>
<p>“It’s not stupid. You’re not stupid. You’ve always treated my body so reverently and with so much respect. I don’t expect it to be any different.” Valentina kissed her gently. Not in the least bit awkward that they were having this conversation half naked on the dining room table. </p>
<p>“Straight people. With penises. Have sex while their partner is pregnant all the time.” Valentina just laughed at Juliana’s face. “Don’t say penis when I’m about to fuck you.” Juliana stated with a shudder. </p>
<p>“Babe, we’re talking about using a strap on. It’s basically a penis.” </p>
<p>“Well. I use it better. And I’m sure mine is bigger.” Valentina just laughed at her response. </p>
<p>“Please, baby… I’m so horny.” Valentina seductively whispered into Juliana’s ear and she bit down on her earlobe. Causing an electrifying shiver to work its way from the nape of Juliana’s neck down to her lower back. Valentina’s words were going to make her combust.  </p>
<p>“I’m all sweaty…” Juliana’s resolve was breaking. Her lips were mere millimetres away from Valentina’s. She slowly pushed Valentina’s panties to the side and ran her fingers through her folds. </p>
<p><em>Gasp</em>“So? Let’s get sweaty together.” Was Valentina’s breathy reply. </p>
<p>“I probably stink…” She slowly eased one finger into Valentina’s core. </p>
<p>“Then we can shower together…” Valentina almost mewed when Juliana pulled her fingers away. She stared into dark blue eyes as she put her fingers in her mouth, tasting Valentina. </p>
<p>Without a second thought, Juliana lifted Valentina off the table and kissed her. Her tongue demanding entrance so Valentina could taste herself. She pulled back slightly, “fuck it” she finally said as she carried Valentina all the way upstairs. </p>
<p>Valentina’s laugh was the last thing that was heard before loud moans filled the apartment. </p>
<p>XXXXX</p>
<p>
  <strong>16 weeks</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>… didn’t realize it was only now. So, this whole time…</em>
</p>
<p>Valentina is not sure what caused her to wake up, but she hears the faint words of a conversation that doesn’t quite register. And why is she cold?</p>
<p>
  <em>…don’t even remember… I guess…</em>
</p>
<p>The words slowly seep into consciousness as she struggles to go back to sleep. The lack of light behind her closed eye lids tell her it’s still dark outside. </p>
<p>
  <em>… but I can start from… maybe when you’re…</em>
</p>
<p>What? She thinks. The voice doesn’t make sense. Slowly her eyes flutter open, she still hasn’t moved. She hopes that if she can take a peek to see what is going on, she will still be able to go back to sleep. </p>
<p>When she opens her eyes, Juliana is not here. But she hears the voice much more clearly now. She discreetly looks down to see Juliana head at the same level as her belly, blankets pooled at her knees. Just the other day that little baby bump grew a little bigger. A slight protrusion of her stomach and Juliana was elated, she kept talking about how the baby was getting bigger and bigger. Each week it was the size of a new fruit. And apparently at 16 weeks it was an avocado; hence the bump that was forming. </p>
<p>Valentina couldn’t not suppress the smile on her face. She knew that Juliana talked to the baby, just a little “be good for mommy” when she left the house. But this time was different. Juliana was having a full-on conversation with the baby. She had suspected this was happening, but she had yet to catch Juliana red handed. </p>
<p>“The next day I was selling my lottery tickets in the park – don’t worry, you won’t have to do that. I didn’t have much money before I met your mommy… so that was my job. It was kind of a rough time for me before I met your mommy. I know what it feels like to be hungry all the time. Or to only have one pair of shoes. But that won’t be you. Ever. I promise. </p>
<p>“Anyway… so then she comes out of nowhere and scares me. Asking me to go get come coffee with her… let’s pretend she asked me out. But don’t tell her I said that.”</p>
<p>Valentina instantly had tears in her eyes. Juliana was telling the baby their love story. </p>
<p>“I still can’t believe I have to tell you this whole story again. I didn’t know you couldn’t understand me until now. Stupid books. Wait. Don’t say stupid, it’s a bad word.”</p>
<p>Valentina desperately tried not to move. This was a moment she was so glad she got to witness, and she didn’t want Juliana to know she was listening. She was afraid Juliana would get embarrassed and stop. </p>
<p>“Anyway… I’m telling you all this so hopefully when you come out you will recognize my voice.” She gently kissed Valentina’s belly hoping it wouldn’t wake her up. “You’re with your mommy all the time so you’ll know her. But I’m just a little scared you won’t know who I am.” </p>
<p>The sniffle came out without Valentina’s control. Juliana’s last words were uttered with a hint of sadness and given how emotional Valentina was right now, she could not keep her tears at bay. </p>
<p>Juliana slightly jumped and looked up to see Valentina staring down at her. The sun was slowly peaking in through the blinds and the tears were as clear as day on Valentina’s face. </p>
<p>“Crap.” Juliana got out. “Don’t say crap either.” She whispered to The Bump before crawling back up to the head of the bed and peered into blue eyes as she wrapped the blankets back around them. </p>
<p>“How much of that did you hear?” </p>
<p>Valentina just wrapped her arms around Juliana’s waist and buried her head in Juls’ neck. Bringing her arms around her wife, Juliana kissed the crown of Valentina’s head. </p>
<p>“Why are you crying?” Juliana could feel the tears on her neck drip down to her shirt. </p>
<p>“You were talking to The Bump.” A little moniker Juliana adopted for Valentina’s baby bump.  “Juls….” Valentina didn’t want to embarrass Juliana, but it was so cute. “Were you telling him how we met?”</p>
<p>Juliana shyly looked down, away from Valentina’s sweet face, “yea… I have been for a little while now. But the book said it was only at 16th weeks that they could really start to hear… so I had to start the story all over again.</p>
<p>“It’s stupid I know.” </p>
<p>“No. No. Juls… that is so cute. I love you so much.” Valentina cupped her face and made Juliana face her. </p>
<p>“Of course, he’s going to know who you are.” Valentina tried to reassure her.  </p>
<p>They laid there together, sharing the same pillow, Juliana didn’t want to get into her worries now. There would be time for that later. Trading lazy kisses as the sun continued to rise in the sky was a much better use of their time. “What are you thinking about?” Valentina asked softly after a few moments. </p>
<p>“Whether we’re having a boy or a girl.” Juliana admitted. </p>
<p>“Do you have a preference?” Valentina loved it when Juliana talked about the baby. She always had a certain spark in her eyes. Even in the dimly lit morning light, that sparkle was as prominent as ever. </p>
<p>Juliana just shook her head. “No. Not at all. As long as they are heathy, I don’t care if we have a boy or a girl. Maybe… maybe one day we can have both.” She had thought about it a lot. About having more kids. There didn’t even have one yet, and she may have been jumping the gun here, but the thought of little Valentinas running around was vision she wanted to come true. And maybe in the mix of all of that there could be a little version of herself running around as well. </p>
<p>Juliana could see Valentina get all misty eyed. In the same way that was usually followed by a “you’re so cute.”</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” Juliana asked, trying to put off the blush she knew was giving away her shyness. </p>
<p>“How much you’ve changed since we met.” </p>
<p>“I hope you mean that in a good way.” Juliana commented with a slightly nervous laugh. </p>
<p>Valentina nodded her head, “yes. Of course.”</p>
<p>“How have I changed.” She couldn’t help but ask. Unsure if she really wanted to know. </p>
<p>“Well your hair is longer for one.” Valentina began in a cheeky tone. “And I swear you get more beautiful with age. It’s unfair really. Not to mention that your body makes me think about all the dirty things I want you to do to me.” Valentina whispered into Juliana’s lips. </p>
<p>“Val…” Juliana was not going to be responsible for her actions if Valentina kept talking like that. </p>
<p>“But… I love how confident you are now. You’re more sure of yourself. You used to shy your feeling away from everyone, from me, when we first met. Now you’re so expressive. You’re confident in yourself, in your talent, and our love. And I just…” Valentina shook her head, trying to organize her thoughts. She had not thought about what she wanted to say. Or how Juliana was different. She just was. In a good way. </p>
<p>“I still have my moments.” </p>
<p>“I know you do,” Valentina added, “but I think you’re more secure in our relationship. Or in me. In the last couple of years, it’s like you finally understand now that no matter what we’re always going to be together. We can disagree or fight but at the end of the day I want to know what’s going on in here.” She tapped Juliana’s head lightly, “and you actually tell me. Because you know we can get through it. And that I love you no matter what.</p>
<p>“We’re going to be so happy Juls. I know we already are… but when this baby comes. When this baby comes, it’s going to be hard. I know that. And we’re going to have our rough moments with parenting and with each other. But at the end of the day we’re going to be so happy. You make me so happy.” </p>
<p>“I love you.” Juliana whispered before taking Valentina’s lips in her own as she caressed that little baby bump. Juliana had her whole entire world in her hands, and she was never letting go. </p>
<p>XXXXX</p>
<p>
  <strong>20 weeks</strong>
</p>
<p>Juliana was just finishing getting dressed when Valentina came out of the bathroom, in a large t-shirt and underwear, with the cutest frown on her face. They were supposed to be getting ready to head to Dr. Lopez’s office to do another ultrasound and hopefully find out the sex of the baby.</p>
<p>“What’s the matter?” Juliana asked with a little laugh. </p>
<p>“Look.” Valentina just pointed to her lower abdomen, right under The Bump. Juliana couldn’t help but smile, that little bump was her favourite part of Valentina’s body. </p>
<p>At 20 weeks Valentina had a full-on little baby belly. She was by no means as ‘large’ as she sometimes felt, but there was no question that she was pregnant. In fact, if you only saw her from behind you wouldn’t even know that she was carrying a child. And Juliana loved it. </p>
<p>Her smile dropped immediately when she noticed Valentina’s face. “Sorry. But you pointed to The Bump. I can’t help it if it makes me smile.” Juliana pointed out as she walked over to Valentina and kissed her on the nose. </p>
<p>“Juls… stretch marks.” Valentina pointed out with a pout. </p>
<p>“Come here.” Juliana pulled Valentina toward the bed and asked her to lay down on her back. She lifted Valentina’s shirt to just under her breasts. </p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Valentina asked as she tried to pull down her shirt. She had never been ashamed of her body. Ever. And being with Juliana, and the way that Juls worshiped her, actually gave her more confidence in herself. But the sight of these stretch marks was making her doubt her own self-assurance. She knew better than that, of course she did. But she couldn’t help the slight nagging in the back of her mind that Juliana wouldn’t like this new addition on her body. </p>
<p>“Wait. Please.” Juliana stopped Valentina’s hand. She straddled Valentina’s legs and pulled the shirt back up slightly, “just bear with me.” She asked. Placing a slight kiss to The Bump Juliana reached over to her bedside table and pulled out a small bottle of Bio Oil, one she kept for an occasion such as this, beside a little pair of grey converses. </p>
<p>“I love these stretch marks. I love how they show me everything your body is doing to give us a family.” She looked into blue eyes as she spoke her truth. “I read that Bio Oil,” she showed Valentina the bottle for emphasis, “really helps with stretch marks. I would show these proudly. But I know this is your body. I would do anything to make you feel beautiful and loved, and if this helps, that’s great. But please don’t be ashamed of them.” </p>
<p>Juliana poured a little bit on the palm of her hands and rubbed her hands together. “It might wash off after Dr. Lopez cleans your stomach for the ultrasound. But if you like it, I can put it on you tonight. Or you can put it on yourself. Whatever you want. You don’t even have to use it.” She rambled on. </p>
<p>Juliana looked away from Valentina’s eyes and focused on her task at hand. She hoped that this was a good idea and that she didn’t offend her wife, who was always beautiful to her. No matter what. </p>
<p>When she was done, she absentmindedly wiped her hands on her tank top on the bed. She finally looked into blue eyes and saw tears reflecting back at her. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I di-”</p>
<p>“I love you.” Valentina got out as she wiped her stupid tears and squeezed one of Juliana’s hands. </p>
<p>“Then why are you crying?” Juliana asked as she lay beside her wife. </p>
<p>“Because. I’m pregnant and emotional and hormonal.” Valentina said with a pout. </p>
<p>“And because I’m cute and sweet and I make your heart skip a beat?” Juliana asked with a teasing smile on her face. </p>
<p>“Yes. Because your cute and sweet and you love me like no one ever has.” </p>
<p><em>Okay.</em> Juliana thought. That deserves a kiss. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Not to long after Juliana and Valentina found themselves in Dr. Lopez’s office, with Valentina on the exam table and Juliana talking to The Bump. Which moved slightly as Valentina laughed at her. </p>
<p>“Hi ladies,” Dr. Lopez greeted as she walked into the room, “how are you two?”</p>
<p>“We’re great. This little one really popped out recently.” Valentina remarked as she caressed The Bump.</p>
<p>“I see that!” The pair really liked Dr. Lopez. They missed Dr. Mendoza, and deep-down Juliana suspected they would see her again, but Dr. Lopez was very friendly and attentive. And Valentina loved the fact that the doctor would team up with her and cause Juliana to blush when she did something cute. </p>
<p>“Alright. Let’s see how this little one is doing.” Dr. Lopez tucked a towel into Valentina’s unbutton pants and proceeded to spread the ultrasound gel around The Bump with the wand in her hand. </p>
<p>Juliana was impatiently bouncing on her feet, one hand clutching Valentina’s, she was so excited. They had gone back and forth 100 times on if they wanted to know the sex of the baby or not. Valentina was a hard yes. She was dying to know. But Juliana was on the fence. She didn’t know if she wanted to be surprised or not. At the end Valentina left it up to her. If Juls wanted to know they would, and if she didn’t, they would wait. </p>
<p>All of a sudden, that now familiar sound invaded in the room. </p>
<p>
  <em> lubdublubdublubdub…</em>
</p>
<p>“Still going strong.” Dr. Lopez commented with a smile as she looked at the screen. Their little one was much bigger, and that sight never failed to cause that beaming smile on Juliana’s face. </p>
<p>“Everything is looking perfect to far. And since there are no issues on your end, Valentina, it looks like we’re on course for the June 6th due date.” </p>
<p>Juliana had this day, and a few days before and after, decorated with stickers and cute little drawing on their calendar. Whatever day it was, was going to be the best day of their lives. She was sure of it. </p>
<p>“Do you guys want to know the sex? This one is in the perfect position to find out today.” She asked with a smile. The elation on these two was so contagious, Dr. Lopez couldn’t help but reflect it back at them. </p>
<p>“No. Yes. No, no I don’t want to know. Okay. Yes. Yes. Tell us.” </p>
<p>“Juls…” Valentina was trying to calm her down. Juliana looked like she was going to have a seizure. “Juls, baby, mirame.” </p>
<p>Dr. Lopez was trying to contain her mirth. Juliana really was a joy to have in the room. And the way Valentina was easily able to calm her down always made Dr. Lopez smile. </p>
<p>“We don’t have to know if you don’t want to. I told you. Whatever you want. Go with your gut, baby.” </p>
<p>Juliana looked at Valentina for a moment. She loved this woman so much. And she couldn’t wait to share that love with a little miniature version of her. She couldn’t wait to buy clothes or talk about names. Who was she kidding? Of course, she wanted to know.</p>
<p>Juliana kissed Valentina’s forehead before turning to Dr. Lopez. </p>
<p>“Yes. Yes, we want to know.” </p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Dr. Lopez asked one more time. </p>
<p>“Yes. We want to know.” Juliana answered confidently with a big smile on her face. </p>
<p>Dr. Lopez looked to the screen and after maneuvering the wand slightly, she pressed a button, taking a photo of the sonogram. </p>
<p>“I can say with certainty, that you’re having….</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To be continued...</p>
<p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>LOL. I"m sorry... I really couldn't resist. </p>
<p>Soooo what do you guys think? Boy or girl??</p>
<p>xoxox</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Come on Little One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so glad you all liked the last chapter! Despite my little fun of leaving you hanging LOL.<br/>I was going to do it with this one too.... but I thought I would quit while I'm ahead LOL. </p><p>I went back and forth 10000 times on the sex of the baby... and I think I'm happy with my choice. I hope you guys are too!</p><p>Please just keep in mind... I am in no way a doctor nor do I know anything about the fashion world lol. Anything medical in this fic is purely my google research.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>Smiles were permanently plastered on both girls’ face as they left Dr. Lopez’s office. Thanking her profusely for everything, Juliana even had to actively restrain herself from hugging the good doctor. Juliana drove them home and was singing along to every song that came on the radio as Valentina contemplatively caressed her belly as she thought of the person this little one would grow up to be.</p><p>
  <em>“Yes. Yes, we want to know.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you sure?” Dr. Lopez asked one more time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes. We want to know.” Juliana answered confidently with a big smile on her face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dr. Lopez looked to the screen and after maneuvering the wand slightly, she pressed a button, taking a photo of the sonogram. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can say with certainty, that you’re having a baby boy!” Dr. Lopez broke the news with a smile on her face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Twin sounds of elation came from the mothers to be. Juliana turned to Valentina, tears in both their eyes as she cupped Valentina’s face, “baby… we’re having a baby boy.” Juliana got out. “I knew it!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Valentina laughed as she pulled Juliana in for a kiss, “yes you did.” </em>
</p><p>“A boy! Can you believe it?” Juliana kept repeating. She would be happy with either a boy or a girl, so this excitement was genuine excitement to finally know what to call the little one. Valentina had caught her apologizing to the baby for calling it “him” this whole time just the other day – just in case the baby was girl. Instead of teasing her, Valentina just kissed her. She would never get tired of seeing Juliana as a mother, in any capacity. </p><p>“You know I’m kind of glad we’re having a boy, Guille was such a great big brother. He was so protective of me and would play with me whenever I wanted…” Valentina voice trailed off as she realized just where her mind was going. They didn’t even have one human out in the world, and she was thinking about a little brother or sister for this little guy. </p><p>Without skipping a beat, Juliana put her hand on Valentina’s stomach, “I’m glad too. He’ll be the best big brother.” Valentina just leaned across the console and kissed her wife’s cheek. Juliana always knew what to do or say to reassure her when Val's mind trailed off to what the future would hold for them. </p><p>Valentina was so happy. Nothing else mattered at the moment other than her little family. She was so happy that she was conscious only of the sunshine and the presence of her wife and the little boy growing inside of her that she didn’t realize that they were not going back home. </p><p>“Where are we going?” </p><p>“I have a little surprise for you.” Juliana took Valentina’s hand and kissed her knuckles as she drove to their destination. </p><p>After a short while, and what seemed like 17,000 questions from Valentina about where they were going and what the surprise was, they finally pulled up to Juliana’s store.</p><p>“Is my surprise here?” </p><p>“Oh my god, Val. You’re so impatient.” Juliana said with a laugh as she helped Valentina out of the car. </p><p>They made their way their way inside the store, greeting the employees on the main retail level. Everyone was overjoyed to see Valentina. All Juliana had been talking about lately was the new addition to her family and seeing Valentina’s little baby bump firsthand put a smile on everyone’s face. </p><p>Taking Valentina’s hand Juliana guided her upstairs, past the offices, to the garment workshop. Where all the magic happens- as Juliana likes to say. It was a Saturday, so the space was empty, and the quiet atmosphere made it easy for Valentina to reflect on how far Juliana had come in her career since they’ve met. The space was beautiful. It’s rustic décor and fabrics as far as the eye could see made Valentina so proud. </p><p>Juliana pulled out a stool at one of the tables for Valentina to sit on. After telling her she would be right back, Juliana placed a large box in front of her wife. </p><p>“Unless my surprise is a crown, I know there’s no jewelry in there.” Valentina teased as Juliana narrowed her eyes in jest. </p><p>“So, I've been working on these for a little while now. They’re inspired by this little one,” Juliana started as she gently rested her hand on The Bump, “those designs I showed you a while back are going to be part of my new line. Little Juls.” </p><p>“Juls! Why didn’t you tell me?” Valentina didn’t know what the box was for, as it was still closed, but she loved this idea. Juliana was so talented and Valentina would support her in any direction she chose to take her company. Val couldn’t wait to “borrow” the samples for their little one. </p><p>“I was. I was just waiting for the right time. When I knew it would a done deal… and well when we were out of the first trimester… finding out we’re having a boy today seems like a great time to show you.” Juliana explain as she began to open the box. “Don’t tell Marcela I’m doing this; she just packed all this up. </p><p>“But these are some samples for our investors. I showed them to Stella, and she loves them so I just need the rest of the board’s approval and then we could launch these soon.” Juliana opened the box and Valentina saw tons of clothes for babies and toddlers. </p><p>“Oh my god, Juls. These are so cute.” Valentina took out some of the clothes and swooned. </p><p>“I made two take home outfits. Maybe we could put the baby in it when we take him home. I wasn’t going to add it to the collection, but Stella thought it would be a nice touch. She said it showed my range from au couture to mama.” Juliana explain with a smile as she laid out two onesies. </p><p>“I made one for a little girl and a little boy.” They were both a light green color, Juliana was never one to conform to arbitrary gender colors. The one for the little girl said <em>There’s a new princess in the house</em> with a cute little hat that had a crown on it. It was in response to everyone calling Valentina the princess of Mexico. It made Valentina burst out laughing. </p><p>The one for the little boy was also light green with the image of white suspenders and a white bow tie which also had a little white hat. </p><p>“Once we decide on a name, I can put his name on the hat. I also have a bunch of dresses and other little outfits. I even made something for Iz… What do you think?” Juliana asked shyly. </p><p>“These are so cute! I love both of these. It makes me want to have another baby just to use the one for the little girl.” Valentina stood up and kissed Juliana. </p><p>“I wanted to wait… until we knew what we were having and were a little further along in the pregnancy to show you. The take home onesies were actually made right after the miscarriage. Deep down I think I knew it would work out and we’d get to use them.” </p><p>“Juls, these are incredible.” Valentina commented as she looked through the other designs. “Those investors of yours better give this one back before this little guy arrives. He’s not going home in anything other than a Little Juls original.” Valentina emphasized as she played with the super soft material. </p><p>“Yea? You like them? You don’t think it’s straying too far from my brand?” Juliana asked. She wasn’t sure if this was a right choice to make with her career. While she was successful, she was still new to this world. And the world of fashion was unforgiving at times. </p><p>“I think this is a wonderful idea. It shows your range and attracts a whole different clientele. One that potentially can bring in more revenue if you sell it in a more mass-market kind of way. Not everyone can afford couture. But these,” Valentina held up the little article of clothes, “open the door for so many other clients.”</p><p>“That’s what Stella said when I asked her if I was selling out.” Juliana timidly admitted, “she said it would open up more doors to my brand. And that she didn’t understand why some designers refused to produce something out of their comfort zone. My brand would be similar to someone like Stella McCartney.” </p><p>Valentina delicately put the clothes back in the box and wrapped her arms around Juliana’s neck, “that’s one smart lady. And your brand is better.”</p><p>Juliana just laughed and kissed her nose. “Wanna go by baby furniture?” She asked out of the blue in that giddy way Valentina began to see more and more of. Having Valentina’s approval on the new brand made her even more excited for what her future held. </p><p>“Slow down there, baby. Maybe let’s think about what we need before we get trigger happy with the credit card.” Valentina responded with a wink as she began to walk away. </p><p>“You’re like the queen of shopping. How can you say no!” Juliana asked Val’s retreating form. </p><p>“Because I want to celebrate with my wife. And unless you want to have sex in your office with your staff downstairs, I suggest we go home.” Valentina laughed at Juliana’s shocked expression. </p><p>“I mean… I wouldn’t be opposed to some office sex.” Valentina just shook her head. Juliana should be careful what she wished for.</p><p>XXXXX</p><p>
  <strong> 24 Weeks </strong>
</p><p>Valentina was making dinner as Juliana was in the living room combing Lana’s fur and playing with the puppy. Lana was not so much a puppy anymore, but she would forever be that chubby little collie that Juliana brought home. Juliana often wondered if she would be the same with her son the way she is with Lana. Would she always think of her son as her little boy, no matter what age he was? Lupe was always chastising her when she would get annoyed with her mother’s meddling. Lupe would simply say that Juliana was always going to be her baby. It didn’t matter if she had a family of her own or not. </p><p><em>Gasp.</em>”Oh.”</p><p>Valentina’s voice quickly cased Juliana to stop what she was doing. Val was unmoving, spatula in her hand, just staring straight ahead. </p><p>“Val… are you okay?” Juliana asked her quietly as she slowly approached her wife. As if any sudden movements would trigger a reaction. Valentina just looked down and held her stomach. Valentina was wearing a black crop top and her flowy black pants, making the still small bump stick out in the cutest way. </p><p>“What happened? Are you okay?” Juliana approached her. Valentina had slight tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. </p><p>“He kicked.” Valentina informed her with a wide smile. </p><p>“What? Really?” Juliana immediately placed her hands on Valentina’s stomach. Juls knew that Valentina felt a few flutters here and there, but nothing as strong as a kick that would make her stop what she was doing. </p><p>“Hey buddy, do you wanna do that again? Can I feel how strong your little legs are?” Juliana was moving her hands around Valentina’s stomach, hoping to feel the kick as well, but nothing happened. </p><p>“Come on, don’t be shy.” She asked with her nose practically pressed into Valentina’s stomach.</p><p>When nothing happened and she looked back up into Valentina’s eyes, Juliana had the saddest look on her face. Valentina ran her hands through dark brown hair. “He’ll do it again. I promise.” She tried to reassure Juliana. </p><p>“I hope so.” Was all Juliana said before placing a soft kiss to The Bump. </p><p>They little one began to kick more often as the days went by, but whenever Juliana would be around to put her hands on Val’s stomach, he would conveniently stop. It made her feel rejected in a way she didn’t think was possible. </p><p>After that day, Valentina tried everything possible to reassure Juliana that it didn’t have anything to do with her. In fact, the baby would be kicking all day, as if he was a little futbol player, but when Juliana was home he was as clam as an angel. Juliana couldn’t help be slightly offended. This simple act reinforced all her fears of the disconnect her baby had with her. </p><p>Despite this, she was still as attentive as ever. She would read stories to The Bump every night without fail. Ending each bedtime story with a slight plea of hoping that tomorrow would be the day that she felt her little boy kick. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>26 Weeks</strong>
</p><p>The little Carvajal-Valdes baby liked to remind his mother that he was having a great time floating around in her belly. He would move non-stop throughout the day, but once Valentina was back home, he was still, as if he was sleeping. </p><p>It broke Valentina’s heart every time Juliana would try and catch the little guy kicking, only to be met with no movement. To see the dejected look on Juls’ face crushed her. Valentina hated watching Juliana school her features to get rid of the disappointment whenever nothing would happen. </p><p>But Juliana never complained. She shrugged and would quietly say “it’s okay. He’s not ready yet” and go about her business. Valentina even had a little conversation with The Bump one day while she was alone in the house. She didn’t want to exacerbate Juliana’s insecurities, but she really couldn’t blame her brown eyed girl for feeling the way she did. </p><p>Until one day it hit her. </p><p>They were laying in bed, with Valentina’s iPad propped up on her stomach, talking about houses. They both felt that it was going to be difficult raising a little baby in a two-story loft. Especially one with stairs like theirs that was more aesthetically pleasing than built for a baby to crawl up and down. </p><p>They had seen a few places but nothing that really spoke to them. But they were in no rush. Juliana wasn’t exactly thrilled at having Valentina lift boxes while she was pregnant. She preferred to wait until after he was born, for now, it wouldn’t hurt to look. It was probable that the little guy was going to be in a bassinet by their bed when he makes appearance into the world, so they really didn't need the extra room just yet. They had just planned to move their desks to the main floor and turn their home office into a nursery. And if anything, they could always leave him with Lupe when they went house hunting. Lupe was beyond thrilled to be an abuela for the first time and would not stop talking about everything she wanted to do with the little one. </p><p>They were looking at images of different houses the Carvajal realtor had sent them, as Juliana caressed The Bump. She would do this at night, hoping that she would feel a little kick, when it suddenly occurred to Valentina. </p><p>“Oh my god.” Val blurted out. </p><p>Juliana immediately lifted her hands, “what? What happened?” she asked worriedly. </p><p>“I know why you haven’t felt him kick.” </p><p>The words made Juliana deflate slightly. She hated being reminded of that fact. </p><p>“It’s because he doesn’t know who I am.” She whispered. </p><p>“No, babe.” Valentina turned in Juliana’s arms to face the sad brown eyed girl, “it’s the opposite.” </p><p>“What do you mean.” </p><p>“He’s this little monster during the day, I can feel him moving around. But when you’re home, he’s different.” Valentina’s words were really not making her feel any better. </p><p>Sensing this, Valentina tried to explain, “Baby, he feels calm when you’re near him. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is. When you’re around me, he’s just chill. It’s like he’s kicking me asking ‘where’s mama?’” Valentina said with a smile. </p><p>“You really think that?” The hope in Juliana voice would make anyone ache for this beautiful woman.  </p><p>“Yes! If it was a matter of him only kicking during the day and quiet at night, it could just be that he’s sleeping. But Juls, baby,” Valentina cupped Juliana face praying that that rejected look would disappear, “he’s quiet when you’re around. He just likes to have you near him. You make him feel safe. We’re the same him and I. You’re my calm too.”</p><p>Juliana wants to believe her so badly. What Valentina is saying makes a lot of sense. She wants to believe that her little boy just feels calm and safe when she’s there. She doesn’t think she could handle the alternative. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>28 Weeks</strong>
</p><p>Valentina cursed her weak bladder as she woke up in the middle of the night. She was so comfortable with Juliana’s arms around her that she tried to ward off the need to go to the bathroom as long as possible, but she knew she would never get back to sleep if she put it off. Slowly easing out of Juliana’s arms, she sat on the bed and rubbed her eyes to ward off her sleepiness. </p><p>She got up and took one step before her view tilted on its axis. Before she even knew what was happening, she was falling. </p><p>Juliana had become so in tuned with Valentina’s body that Val’s intake of breath and slight cry jolted Juliana from her own slumber. </p><p>“Val?” Shaking her head to wake herself up, Juliana peered over the bed to see Valentina on the floor, seemingly in shock. </p><p>Jumping out of bed and turning on the light, Juliana raced to her wife’s side. Valentina as on the floor with her weight braced on her forearm and the palm of her free hand. Her upper body was raised but she looked terrified. Juliana didn’t know if she fell on her stomach or not. </p><p>“Val… baby, are you okay?” Juliana approached her slowly. She could see the fear in Valentina’s eyes. She knew she needed to get Valentina up, but she didn’t want her to lash out and start panicking. </p><p>“Juls…” As if she finally realized what happened Valentina burst into tears and started shaking. </p><p>Juliana took her in her arms and gently guided her to the bed. “What happened Val? Did you fall on your stomach?” She tried to steady her voice as best as possible. </p><p>“I… I… I don’t… I don’t know.” It looked like Valentina was about to have a panic attack. Her chest was moving up and down rapidly and it sounded like she was having difficulty breathing. Juliana knew she had to try and calm her down, for Val’s sake, and the baby’s. </p><p>“It’s okay.” Juliana cupped Valentina’s face so Val would look at her. “Are you hurt? Did you break anything?” She figured she should ask the easiest question first. </p><p>Valentina just shook her head, “no, nothing hurts really. Just my arm a little.” She struggled to control her breathing, “Juls…”</p><p>Not wanting Valentina to panic further, Juliana kissed her forehead. “Okay, we’re going to go to the hospital okay. Just to check you out.” She added when she saw the fear in Valentina’s eyes. </p><p>“I’m going to get you some pants and then we’re going to go okay?” Valentina could only nod. Ever single worst case scenario was going through her head. </p><p>Juliana closed her eyes, she was trying to be strong, but she knew her next question was going to be a hard one. “Baby, are you bleeding?”</p><p>Valentina’s eyes bulged out and tears streamed down her face. “Hey, hey. It’s okay,” Juliana tried to calm her down, “it will be okay. But I need you to check for me okay? Check if you’re bleeding. I’m just going to go-”</p><p>“No… no… don’t leave me please.” Valentina’s words sounded so panic-stricken and heartbreaking. It brought back the memory of Valentina begging her not to leave at a time similar to this one. Juliana just hoped that the end result would be different. </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere. I was just going to get you some pants. See, I’m still here.” Juliana walked backwards towards a chair in the corner of the room where she saw some leggings and grabbed it without taking her eyes off of Valentina. “See. I’m right here. I’m never going to leave you.” </p><p>Juliana kissed Valentina on the forehead again as she placed the leggings beside her, “but Val. I need you to check to see if your bleeding okay? Just so I know what to tell the doctor.” In her head Juliana’s voice sounds strained and scared. She prayed that all Valentina could hear was love and strength. </p><p>With a shaky hand Valentina reached past her underwear, pulling her hand out slowly, she shook her head. “I’m not bleeding.”</p><p>“Okay, good. That’s good Val. Let’s just go to the hospital okay?” Despite Juliana’s seemingly stead voice, Valentina was not convinced. Something was wrong. She fell; how could everything be okay?</p><p>Juliana called Dr. Lopez and advised her of what happen, just as she thought, Dr. Lopez told her to go to the hospital as soon as possible and that she would meet the couple there. At 7 months pregnant, Dr. Lopez did not want Valentina taking any chances. </p><p>Juliana was a very pragmatic and logical person. She was the best person to have with you during a crisis, she knew how to stay level-headed and had an uncanny way of calming people down. But the Juliana that was racing their car to the hospital because her pregnant wife had a fall, was about to lose her mind. It was taking everything in her to remain calm for Valentina and not show how absolutely terrified she was. </p><p>“Val, baby? Can you check one more time if you’re bleeding? Just in case?” Juliana asked. She was by no means a doctor, but she’s been reading pregnancy books nonstop since they started trying, that had to be worth something.</p><p>Valentina had one of Juliana’s hands in a vice like grip, Val was trembling so much that Juliana could feel it radiate along her entire arm. Slowly letting go of Juliana hands, and subsequently her only anchor at the moment, Valentina once again reached into her pants. Slowly pulling out her hands, she shook her head, “no, I’m not bleeding. Juls… if something happens-”</p><p>“No, don’t say that. You’re going to be okay.” Juliana didn’t want to lie to Valentina, she never had and wasn’t about to start now. She just kept on trying to believe that no matter what happened once they were in that hospital, they would both be okay. </p><p>“I’ll never forgive myself. If something happens to him, Juls…”</p><p>Juliana pulled into the closest parking spot to the entrance she could find and turned to her wife “Val, mirame,” she cupped Valentina face, wiping away the tears that were rolling down a tormented face, “it’s going to be okay. No matter what, we’re in this together. We’re going to get checked out and then we can go from there. We’re not going to torture ourselves by thinking about everything that could go wrong, okay? One step at a time. I love you. So much.” She tried her best to reassure Valentina. </p><p>“One step at a time.” Valentina repeated staring into brown eyes. </p><p>Juliana got out of the car and helped Val into the hospital. All the while praying that she didn’t just lie to her wife.  </p><p>-- </p><p>As soon as they arrived, they saw Dr. Lopez. Not wasting anytime, the OBGYN ushered Valentina into a wheelchair and into a private room. </p><p>“Okay Valentina, we’re going to get you and this little guy checked out okay. Did you fall directly on your stomach?” She asked the most pressing question first. </p><p>“I don’t think so. I fell and my arm broke my fall and I… I think I landed on my hip… but I don’t. I don’t remember. I’m so sorry.” She sobbed as she covered her face with her hands.</p><p>Juliana had one hand over Valentina’s head on the hospital bed, using her free hand she threaded her fingers through light brown hair, “no, no. You don’t have anything be sorry for, Val. It’s okay.” </p><p>“Yes. Juliana is right Valentina. It was a traumatic moment and it’s completely understandable if you’re not sure. Do you feel like anything is broken or have you checked to see if you were bleeding?” Dr. Lopez asked while simultaneously doing her physical exam on Valentina to check for any injuries. </p><p>“No… nothing feels broken. My wrist hurts a bit, but nothing extreme. And I checked, twice, I’m not bleeding.” Valentina tried to get out. She was holding onto Juliana’s shirt in a grip so hard she thought she might rip it right off Juliana’s body. </p><p>“Okay, good. Those are all good signs. Do you feel any contractions?” She added while wrapping an electronic fetal monitor around Valentina’s stomach. </p><p>“No, no contractions. But something’s wrong I know it.” Valentina cried as she looked towards Juliana. Valentina could tell Juls was trying to be strong, but she couldn’t mask the fear in her eyes. </p><p>“Okay we’re going to just use this fetal monitor to check for any contractions, just in case, and to check this little one’s heart rate.” Dr. Lopez proceeded to consult the readings on print out from the monitor as Juliana pressed her forehead to Valentina’s. Trying her best to offer every kind of support and reassurance that she could. </p><p>After a few moments, Dr. Lopez finally spoke up. “So, it looks like his heart rate increased slightly but its calming down now. It’s going back to normal and that’s a good sign. A great sign. He was probably just scared because she could sense that you were stressed. And you’re not recording any contractions. These are all good things Valentina. I promise.” Dr. Lopez internally let out a huge sigh of relief. </p><p>“Sometimes, women fall during pregnancy. Your growing belly shifts your center of gravity forward, making it harder for you to stay upright. Or since you are getting closer and closer to the due date your joints are looser. Which is usually a good thing as it helps making delivery easier. And don’t forget: You’re likely exhausted or uncomfortable.</p><p>“These are all possible and very common factors for falls. But your physical exam and the fetal monitor both indicate that you and the baby are okay. Valentina, I promise, your belly is meant to withstand tough circumstances in order to protect the baby.” Dr. Lopez tried to reassure the young mothers. </p><p>“He’s not moving. I know everything looks okay. But I can always feel him moving… and he’s not.” Valentina was starting to panic again. “Juls… he’s not moving. Something is wrong.” Valentina rambled on. She had never been so scared of anything in her entire life. During her miscarriage she was scared, but this fear was multiplied tenfold. Feeling this little one day in and day out was making this experience even more frightening. She had been held at gun point, more than once, and this moment right here was more terrifying than any narco stand off she's ever faced. This was her baby boy.</p><p>“We can do an ultrasound too. That way we can take a look at the little guy.” Dr. Lopez quickly called for a nurse to help her set up the ultrasound machine as she removed the fetal monitor. She was concerned of the additional complications that could arise if Valentina’s blood pressure and heart rate continued to rise. She needed to do something to calm her down before it got to that point. </p><p>Without anyone noticing, Juliana stepped away from Valentina and pressed her forehead to The Bump. </p><p>“Hey buddy. I know you got a little scared, but it would be really great if you just let us know you’re okay. It's okay, I promise. Your mommy is okay.” Juliana prayed that he would do something. Kick or move. Just some indicator to show them that he’s okay. </p><p>Dr. Lopez stood back a moment. All the positive medical signs proved that everything was okay, but she could understand Valentina’s concern. Given that everything seemed okay she decided to stand back a little bit. She hoped Juliana’s method was going to calm down the scared mother to be. </p><p>“I can leave.” She added in a wry voice to The Bump. “I know you don’t really kick when I’m around. But just this once okay. Just let me know you’re okay.” </p><p>Silence. Nothing was happening. Everyone in the room held their breath. </p><p>Valentina just buried her hands in her head. She felt guilty. She should have been more careful. And on top of everything, Juliana still was not able to get the little one to kick and Valentina could see her wife’s heart breaking. </p><p>“Please little man. Please kick for mama.” Juliana pleaded one more time. </p><p>Valentina could feel Juliana’s tears on her stomach. </p><p>All of a sudden Juliana stopped and held her breath. She could have sworn she felt something. </p><p>“Mama’s right here, buddy. I won’t let anything happen to you. I love you so much.” As if she spoke the magic words, the littlest Carvajal-Valdes kicked his mommy’s belly. A nice hard kick that almost got Juliana right in the chin. </p><p>“Good boy! That’s my boy.” Juliana excited exclaimed, earning her another little kick. Now that he started it looked like this little guy didn’t want to stop. All he needed was to hear his mama’s excitement and it seemed like he was dancing away inside of Valentina. </p><p>There were no words to describe the happiness in the room. Juliana kissed Valentina, hard, while still trying to have on hand on The Bump. Just in case.</p><p>Juliana was so happy. She was so happy that he was okay, that Val was okay, and that she finally got to feel her little man kick. She didn’t realize that she was holding her breath since she saw Valentina on the floor. </p><p>After one little, strong kick, she finally felt like she could breathe again. </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you guys think!</p><p>I picked a boy just based on what I wanted for a name. But I am always open to name suggestions!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Welcome to the world, buddy.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can't believe I got here! LOL.<br/>This is the final chapter of the story... well this story at least. </p><p>I do have an epilogue in the works... So I'm going to save my heart felt thank you for the next chapter. </p><p>But I am so grateful to all of you who have been on Juls and Val's journey in this universe! </p><p>I left this one a little opened... I have a couple of ideas for one shots. But if there is anything you want to see please let me know in the comments. </p><p>I hope you enjoy this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>Valentina’s fall was scary, there was no doubt about that, but all the couple needed was that one little kick to finally exhale. Their little guy was going to be okay. So okay in fact, that it seemed like he was playing futbol in there. </p><p>Dr. Lopez did the ultrasound just to ensure, one more time, that everything was as it should be. While he was slightly on the smaller side, no surprise since Valentina’s baby bump was quite small, their little man was healthy and growing at a normal rate. At the end of the day that was all that mattered. Dr. Lopez also put Valentina’s left hand in a wrist brace and advised her to take regular strength Tylenol only if she was in a lot of pain. Other than that, she would have to avoid any painkillers. </p><p>Valentina was given the all clear on the account that she would go home, rest, and avoid as much stress as possible. Dr. Lopez advised that she should even start her maternity leave early, if she could, or work from home at the very least. She didn’t want to take any chances given Valentina’s propensity for panic attacks. She also warned the two that if Valentina’s stressed herself out to the point that her blood pressure increased significantly, she could experience a number of problematic pregnancy complications. Juliana was not going to take any chances, she would be adamant about following the doctor’s orders, they didn’t need any more drama with this pregnancy. </p><p>The challenge now was making sure Valentina “took it easy.” Something that Juliana was fairly convinced would be easier said than done. </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>36 Weeks</strong>
</p><p>It had been almost two months since Valentina’s fall, and to say that Valentina was losing her mind was putting it mildly. She was nine months pregnant, with just a little while left until her due date, and all she wanted was this little man out of her. She had been working from home for a few weeks by doing small editing jobs here and there, even though she was now officially on maternity leave.</p><p>What was getting to her was the fact that, while Valentina wanted the baby out, the little guy was perfectly content in his little mommy bubble. He seemed to be as happy as a clam and was not about to come out anytime soon. He kicked constantly, like every day was a party for him. The only time he was peaceful was when Juliana was around, as if he could sense his mama’s presence. Valentina even threatened Juliana that she was going to handcuff herself to the brown eyed girl if this baby was not out soon. A threat that Juliana gladly accepted with that sexy smirk of hers. </p><p>All in all, saying she was miserable, was an understatement. Valentina had to constantly remind herself of everything that she and Juliana had been through to get to this point and that she should appreciate that she carried this baby to term. But she was pregnant, hormonal, and had to pee every three minutes. So her pep talks were not working as well as she wanted them to. </p><p>One thing that she didn’t have to constantly remind herself about was the fact that Juliana was the most caring and loving person she’s ever met. She didn’t have to actively remind herself of this because Juliana showed her every single day. There was not a day that went by that Juliana didn’t attend to every need Valentina had – even the ones that were not vocalized. Juliana would massage Valentina’s sore back and legs every night, she would delicately put Bio Oil on her stretch marks, and when Valentina was feeling self-conscious of her body Juliana’s words and fingers and mouth told her that Juliana thought Valentina was the most beautiful person she’s ever seen. </p><p>Just the other day Valentina found a backpack by the door. Curious as to its contents, she peered inside, tears sprung to her eyes as she saw what Juliana had done. Inside was the little take home outfit and a baby blanket that Juliana had made. Valentina caresses the little hat with the name they had finally decided on. There was a book, a mini speaker, and even a change of clothes for Valentina. Juliana thought of everything they could possibly need to bring home their little man. </p><p>Valentina didn’t even know Juliana had done this. She didn’t know what she did to deserve someone like Juls in her life. She could only hope and pray that she had positively impacted Juliana’s life in the same way. To be loved by this woman was the single, and greatest, experience of Valentina’s life.</p><p>--</p><p>One Sunday morning, Valentina could feel soft kisses make their way from her belly, to the top of her breasts, to her neck, and eventually to smiling lips. Her eyes were closed, and she didn’t want to get up. Not yet. She was so comfortable, and if pretending to be asleep would make Juliana keep kissing her, she was never going to open her eyes. </p><p>“I know you’re awake.” Juliana continued to kiss any exposed skin she could reach, as she felt her little boy move beneath her hand on an extended belly. What marveled Juliana the most during Valentina’s pregnancy was that from behind you could not tell Val was even pregnant. Given that their little guy was slightly on the smaller end, it was no wonder Valentina was so tiny, even at nine months. </p><p>“No.” Came a stern but sleepy voice. </p><p>“That’s my line. Plus, I have a surprise for you.” Valentina peaked one eye open at the magic word. </p><p>“What surprise?” She asked as she pulled Juls into a deeper kiss. Encasing Juliana’s irresistible lips within her own. </p><p>“You have to sit up first.” Juliana got out in between kisses. </p><p>“But I don’t wanna.” Valentina answered in a whiny, sleepy tone. Her eyes closing immediately at the thought of getting out of bed. Juliana could only laugh. If their son was anything like Valentina it was going to be a struggle to get him up in the morning. </p><p>“I promise you’ll like it. Plus, we have to get up soon anyway to go to your dad’s.”</p><p>“Ugh, you’re always so logical” Valentina said as she stretched her long limbs and sat up on the headboard. “I wonder why he wants us there today anyway. What could this so-called surprise be?” </p><p>Juliana just smiled and kissed Valentina on the nose as Val rubbed the tiredness from her eyes. “You’re so cute.” She couldn’t help but comment. “And I have no idea why he wants us there. Today of all days. If we didn’t already have a baby shower for you, I would have guessed that. Maybe Lucia is pregnant.” Juliana joked with a shrug and a laugh. </p><p>“I’m kidding.” She added when she saw Valentina’s excitement. </p><p>“Anyway, this is for you.” Before Valentina could comment on Juliana’s theory, Juls placed a tray of her favorite breakfast on her lap. “Happy Mother’s Day, baby.” She sang as Valentina took in the tray with the delicious meal, a flower, and a card to top it off. </p><p>“Juls… I didn’t think you would do this.” Valentina was highly emotional during her pregnancy but hormones or not, Juliana’s thoughtfulness would always make her tear. </p><p>“Of course, I would. You’re a mommy and you deserved to be celebrated on a day devoted to mothers. You’re celebrated everyday with me. But this is your first Mother’s Day and I didn’t want you to miss out.” Juliana explained. </p><p>Valentina puckered her lips and silently asked for a kiss, “great minds think alike. Can you go into my side drawer? I can’t really move right now.” </p><p>As Juliana went over to Valentina’s drawer, and saw a card with her name on it, Valentina repeated the sentiment with a big smile. “Happy Mother’s Day, baby.” </p><p>The couple spent the morning of their first ever Mother’s Day feeding each other and just basking in one another’s presence. It was only a matter of time that their little guy would make his way into their world and they couldn’t wait. They were going to enjoy these quiet mornings as long as they could. </p><p>--</p><p>Shortly after breakfast they made their way to the Carvajal estate. Leon had asked everyone to come over for lunch, instead of dinner that Sunday, claiming it was for Mother’s Day. He also added that he had a surprise for everyone. And as Juliana mentioned, if it wasn’t a baby shower, they really didn’t know what it could be. Although, Valentina would not mind it if the news was that Lucia was pregnant. Or even Renata. </p><p>She felt Juliana squeeze her hand as they drove, “you okay? You look like you’re miles away.”</p><p>“Yes, sorry. Just trying to figure out what this surprise is. I hope someone is pregnant. More babies!” </p><p>Juliana just laughed at Valentina’s excitement, “we’ll see Val.” </p><p>Once they arrived and greetings were exchanged, Juliana and Valentina both rushed to Lupe as soon as they saw her, to smother her in kisses and a big hug while wishing her a Happy Mother’s Day. Juliana was happy to see that Leon invited Lupe and Panchito, it was amazing that both families got along the way they did. She wouldn’t know what to do if she had to choose between seeing the Carvajal’s and her mother; especially on Mother’s Day.</p><p>Valentina on the other hand was starting to get impatient. Why did everyone have to make her wait for her surprises?</p><p>“So, what’s the surprise?” She asked her dad as drinks were pass around. Juliana just rolled her eyes in amusement. </p><p>“So bossy and impatient.” Guille’s comment earned him the finger behind her dad’s back and Valentina sticking out her tongue at him. He just laughed. Valentina would always be that annoying little sister. </p><p>“Be nice you guys. Look at Juliana and Renata. Patiently waiting like good children.” Leon commented. It was Juliana’s turn to stick out her tongue at the Carvajal siblings, which earned her a stern look from her own mother. </p><p>“How are you feeling Valentina?” Lupe asked. </p><p>“Like I want this guy out of me already.” Valentina responded with a smile. “He seems like he’s having a great time in there and doesn’t want to leave.” </p><p>“He’ll know when it’s the right time to come out. My Juli had me in labour for 36 hours. She was a terror in the womb and out of it.” Lupe joked. </p><p>“Hey! I take offense to that.”<br/>
“It’s okay, you’re my terror.” Valentina kissed Juliana’s pout away, her words causing a smile to appear in its wake. “But if I’m in labour for 36 hours I’m blaming you.”  </p><p>“Mind you I’ve never been pregnant before but there are things you can do to induce labour.” Lucia quietly added. </p><p>“Tell me! I’ve been walking and eating spicy food. I just want him out.” Valentina was all ears for any suggestions. </p><p>“You could always have sex-” </p><p>“Okay. Nope.” Juliana waved her arms in the air as if that would make everyone forget about Lucia’s words. “We’re not talking about that here. Now. Or ever. With all of you.” Juliana rambled as she cut off Lucia, her face turned as red as a tomato, causing a chorus of laughter from the group. Valentina’s entire family was here and not to mention that her mother and Panchito were giggling to themselves at Lucia words. There was no way Juliana was going to talk about having sex with her wife in front of this crowd. Or any crowd for that matter. </p><p>“Yea, I’m with Juliana on this one. I don’t want to know that stuff about my baby sister.” Guille added. Shuddering for effect. </p><p>Juliana needed to change the subject. ASAP. “It seems a little quiet.” Juliana commented. “Where’s Iz?” It was usually Juliana and Valentina that were always late, thanks in part to Valentina, it was nice not to be the couple that everyone was waiting on for once. </p><p>“They should be here soon actually.” Just as Leon answered Juliana the doorbell rang. “Don’t worry Silvina. I’ll get it.” He added. </p><p>Valentina was too busy trying to annoy Guille to even notice that someone was at the door. It was only the sound of Juls’ gasp that got her attention. </p><p>Spinning around, Valentina, nor the rest of the group, could hardly believe what they were seeing. Looking shy but happy was Eva Carvajal. </p><p>“Eva?” Valentina walked to her sister, “what are you doing here?” </p><p>“With the help of the lawyer, and good behaviour, we were able to have Eva’s sentence reduced. She’s home, mija. For good.” Leon spoke up, “we wanted it to be a surprise.” It seemed like Eva was rather speechless to see everyone. Something that was unheard of in the eldest Carvajal sibling. </p><p>“Is that true?” Guille asked as he embraced his sister. Valentina was still thunderstruck. </p><p>“Yes, it’s true. They were able to reduce the sentence to five years from eight. I helped teach a class while I was in there about business management and they used that towards time served. I’m home.” </p><p>As soon as the words were out of Eva’s mouth everyone gathered around her. Juliana gave her a tight one arms hug, since Isabelle had ran into the room and directly into Juliana’s arms, whispering how glad she was that Eva was actually home. </p><p>Valentina was still motionless. To be honest, she was just trying not to cry. Her relationship with her eldest sister had significantly improved since they had confronted Eva that day, long ago, while she was still in prison. Their fractured relationship was strengthened during the wedding, and now, they spoke as often as possible. Eva tried to call Valentina whenever she could, wanting to know every detail about her new nephew. Valentina and Juliana were even able to visit Eva a few times. It was nice to finally have the type of relationship Valentina had always wanted with her sister.</p><p>“How is it that I looked like an elephant when I was pregnant with this one,” Eva pointed to Isabelle who was resting her head on Juliana’s shoulder, “and you look like you’re just holding a basketball in front of you?”</p><p>“This is hardly a basketball.” Valentina deadpanned with a smile. </p><p>Eva words caused the cutest giggle to escape Isabelle’s lips. “Mommy is an elephant like Jack!” </p><p>“Let’s not go around calling your mommy an elephant.” Juliana laughed. “Come on, let’s go see what Lana and Max are doing.” Juliana kissed Valentina cheek as she took Isabelle away, giving the sisters a moment to catch up.</p><p>“Don’t I get a hug from my little sister?” </p><p>Valentina embraced Eva is the tightest of hugs. While no one was pregnant, nor was she welcoming her little boy just yet, this was the greatest Mother’s Day gift she could ever receive. </p><p>--</p><p>
  <strong>37 Weeks</strong>
</p><p>Juliana and Valentina were spending a quiet evening at home, given Valentina’s lower back pain in addition to her exhaustion, they were trying to hold on to any quiet moment they could have before the baby came. </p><p>Valentina had to constantly change positions as they were watching the movie. It was getting to be quite annoying. Nothing she did anymore made her feel comfortable. </p><p>“Do you want me to get you something?” Juliana asked as Valentina slowly lifted herself off of Juliana’s shoulder and the couch. </p><p>“No, it’s okay, babe. I’m just going to get some water and stretch.” She replied as she walked toward the kitchen. All of a sudden Lana, who had been snoozing on Juliana’s lap, got up and just stared at Valentina. </p><p>“It’s okay,” Juliana ran her hands through the black and white fur, “she’s just getting water.” Juliana found it adorable how protective Lana had become with Val. </p><p>Before Juliana could contemplate any further, Valentina let out a small cry as she grabbed onto the dining room table for support. </p><p>“Val? What happened.” Juliana ran over to her, arms outstretched, ready for whatever was to come. </p><p>“Juls…” Valentina’s voice sounded scared as she looked down. Juliana followed Valentina’s eyes to her grey sweatpants. </p><p>“Juls… I think my water broke.” </p><p>“Holy shit.” Springing into action Juliana clutched Valentina’s hand as a small contraction cursed through her body. “Okay, let’s get these pants off of you and have a seat okay.” Juliana kissed her forehead. She knew that she had to be strong for Valentina. She had to be focused. </p><p>Juliana raced up the stairs and grabbed a pair of pants and underwear, coming back down as fast as possible. She didn’t want to leave Val’s side for a second. As she pulled the pants up Valentina’s legs, Juliana dialed Dr. Lopez and put the call on speaker. </p><p>“Good evening, Dr. Lopez speaking.” A part of Juliana envied Dr. Lopez, her voice was calm and collected, whereas Juliana was going to explode as she tried to control the panic in her voice. Praying that her hands stop shaking. </p><p>“Dr. Lopez, it’s Juliana. Valentina’s water just broke. Should we go to the hospital?” The quick succession of her voice giving away her underlying fear. </p><p>“Hi ladies, okay first question. Has Valentina had any contractions?” </p><p>“Yes, but just a mild one. It didn’t feel too bad.” Valentina answered, nerves evident in her voice. </p><p>“Okay, that’s good. Juliana, I need you to monitor her contractions okay. When they get to five or so minutes apart, and stronger, I want you to make your way to the hospital and call me.</p><p>“Valentina, how long have you been having contractions. Even before your water broke?”</p><p>“Um… I’ve felt something for the past day or so.” She answered. Looking at Juliana as the brown eyed woman directed all of her attention to her wife. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize until now that they could have been contractions.” Valentina was starting to cry. “It honestly just felt like discomfort. I’m sorry.” She whispered.</p><p>“It’s okay Valentina. That is completely normal. Just give me call when you’re on the way to the hospital okay? I’m going to make my way over there.” Dr. Lopez reassured the two before ending the call. </p><p>“I’m sorry Juls. I didn’t realize. I’m so stupid.” Valentina buried her head in her hands. </p><p>“No, don’t ever call yourself stupid, baby.” Juliana kissed her gently. “That happens all the time. I just hated knowing you were in pain and I couldn’t do anything.” </p><p>“I wasn’t. In pain that is. I- Ahhh.” Valentina was cut off by a contraction. And this one defiantly hurt. </p><p>The next hour was torture. Valentina’s contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and every time she had one, Juliana wished there was something she could do to ease her wife’s pain. </p><p>Juliana was all set to go. She tried to make Valentina as comfortable as possible, ensured that Lana had food, and even had the backpack on her back. Ready to head out the door as soon as possible. Valentina was so close to making a joke about Dora the Explorer when another contraction hit. Maybe her son was getting back at her for almost making fun of his mama.</p><p>If it was up to Juliana, they would have been at the hospital the second Valentina’s water broke. Juliana had already called their parents and informed them of the situation. Hoping that they stay put until everything went well with the delivery. But knowing her mother and Leon as well as she did, Juliana wouldn’t be surprised if they showed up at the apartment, let alone the hospital. </p><p>Valentina’s contractions were coming in faster and faster, Juliana ushered Valentina into the car as the contractions hit every five minutes. She hated seeing Valentina in so much pain. All she knew that was she had to get them both to the hospital soon and safely. </p><p>By the time they made it, Valentina had tears in her eyes. The contractions were so strong she didn’t know if she could even get out of the car. It was making Juliana regret not calling an ambulance or even leaving earlier. She prayed that everything would be okay, Valentina’s pain didn’t seem normal, it seemed to have escalated far quicker than she was expecting. If something happened to either of them, Juliana wouldn’t know what to do. </p><p>Once Juliana pulled up to the hospital, with the screeching of her tires, she raced to the passenger side and helped Valentina out. The contractions continued to come in stronger and quicker waves. </p><p>“Valentina, let’s get you into a room okay.” As soon as they made it thought the doors of the hospital, Dr. Lopez raced over to them with a wheelchair. </p><p>“It’s happening… ahhh… it’s happening too quickly…” Valentina was clutching her stomach with tears in her eyes. She had never experienced a pain like this before. </p><p>“Don’t worry okay, Valentina. We’re going to check you out.” Before they knew it, Valentina was in her own room with the fetal monitor strapped to her stomach, with her legs up in stirrups as Dr. Lopez examined her. </p><p>Juliana was at the head of the bed, one hand in a death grip by Valentina, and the other clearing Valentina’s face of her hair. “Dr. Lopez, can we please get her the epidural. She’s in a lot of pain.” </p><p>Juliana’s voice sounded strained. She knew that eventually they would meet their little boy, but she hated seeing Valentina like this. Val was the strongest person Juliana had ever met. She was the type of person that would put herself in front of danger just to save someone she loved. She would take on anyone’s pain just so they didn’t have to; especially Juliana’s. But right now, Juliana wished she could do that for Valentina. She hated seeing the tears in those radiant blue eyes or the anguish in that beautiful face. </p><p>“Valentina. I need you to listen to me okay. You’ve progressed a lot faster than we expected.” Dr. Lopez began. “You’re too far along to safely give you the epidural without any problems.” Labour was a tricky process, there was rarely a blueprint of how it would go, some women progressed faster than others. </p><p>“Wait. What? No, no, nononono. I can’t. I can’t.” Valentina was sobbing and starting to panic. </p><p>“Valentina, you can do this. You can do this for your baby.” Dr. Lopez tried to encourage the scared woman. </p><p>“Juls, I can’t do it. It hurts so much. Please don’t make do it. Arghhh” Valentina’s begging was breaking Juliana’s heart. She knew she had to do something, anything, to ease Valentina’s fears. </p><p>“Val, baby. Mirame.” Juliana could see Valentina’s eyes dart every which way. Looking anywhere but at her. “Baby look at me. You can do this. I promise you can do this. You’re the strongest person I know. And I’m here. I’m not leaving you and I’ll help you get through this.” Juliana didn’t even know what she was saying. All she knew what that Valentina needed her. Their baby boy needed her. </p><p>“Valentina, he’s starting to crown you have to start pushing okay.” Dr. Lopez tried to encourage. </p><p>Valentina’s scream ricocheted across the room. The pain was unbearable, she didn’t know how she was going to get through this. She just kept trying to look at Juliana. She could see Juliana’s lips move but couldn’t make out any words. All she knew was that she had to keep pushing. </p><p>Dr. Lopez’s gaze shifted to the report spewing from the fetal monitor. She had a silent conversation with the nurse to her left before spoke, “Maria, can you please get the ultrasound machine. Now.” She tried to steady her voice, but she knew Juliana heard the inflection in it. </p><p>“What’s going on?” Dr. Lopez didn’t answer, she directed Maria to set up the ultrasound and immediately placed the wand on Valentina’s stomach. </p><p>“What’s happening. Please tell me.” Juliana begged. Something was wrong she knew it was. Why wasn’t anyone telling her anything! But Dr. Lopez was silent, intensely watching the monitor</p><p>She nodded her head to Maria. “Okay. There’s a continual dipping of the baby’s heart rate on the fetal monitor.” </p><p>“What does that mean. Please.” Valentina tried to get out through her intense pain. She could feel Juliana shaking. </p><p>“The heart rate is consistent with nuchal cords. The umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck. I just confirmed it with the ultrasound, but I can’t tell how tight it is.”</p><p>“No. No please. Help him. Please.” Juliana begged. There were tears streaming down her face. </p><p>“Usually we would just unravel it when we get the head out but it’s causing his heart rate to dip. We need to make sure he’s still getting the oxygen he needs.” She looked at Maria. “We need to do an emergency C-section.” </p><p>Maria came up to Juliana, who immediately knew what was going to happen, “no. please no. I can’t leave her. No.” She tried to push away from Maria and grab Valentina’s hand. </p><p>“No, Juls… ahhhh.” Valentina reached her hand out as the machines in the room started to go off. It sounded like sirens blaring in Juliana’s ears. </p><p>“Valentina your heart rate is starting to increase. You need to keep breathing.” Dr. Lopez warned. If they couldn’t regulate Valentina’s heartrate, there would be more pressing issues that the nuchal cords.</p><p>“I love you. Val, baby, I love you. I’m going to be right outside okay.” Juliana tried to get out through her sobs. Her heart was shattering at the feeling of physically being ripped away from Valentina. </p><p>
  <em>Beep, beep, beep, beep…</em>
</p><p>“Her heart rate is spiking. Get her to an operating room now!” Juliana had never heard Dr. Lopez’s voice so loud and stern. </p><p>She was so thrown off guard that she it was too late to fight Maria when she, as gently as possible, pushed Juliana out of the room. </p><p>“No please. You don’t understand I need to be with her. She’s going to be so scared. Please!” Juliana begged as she clutched Maria’s shirt. </p><p>“Mrs. Carvajal-Valdes. Please.” Maria tried to get Juliana to look at her. “Juliana,” it was the sound of her first name that stopped Juliana dead in her tracks. “Juliana, I promise you that this happens sometimes. The little guy was probably playing and got the cord around his neck. It happens all the time. Sometimes the cord is loosened on its own and other time we have to intervene. </p><p>“The C-section really is the safest way to ensure everything will be okay. Most of the time we can just unravel the cord during delivery, but since the pushing is wrapping the cord tighter around his neck, the C-section would just increase the odds that everything works out.” </p><p>Juliana knew Maria was explaining everything to her in the simplest of terms. But all she could hear was Valentina’s pleas for her to stay and all she could see behind her eyelids was Val’s terrified face. </p><p>“Maria, she’s my wife, the love of my life. She’s my whole world. And that little boy? I’ve never loved anything as much as I love him. They’re my family. Please save them. Please bring them back to me.” There would be nothing in the word that Juliana would want more. She would easily sacrifice herself if it meant that the two most important people in her world would be okay. </p><p>“Someone will come for you as soon as we have any answers. I’m so sorry to ask this now, but can you please just sign this consent from and then I will personally be that room making sure everything is okay.” Maria added. She didn’t want to promise something she couldn’t keep but she tried to reassure Juliana the best that she could. </p><p>After a shaky signature on the bottom of a consent form, Maria directed Juliana to the waiting room, before she ran to the operating room. Praying that what she just said to that sad woman was not a lie. </p><p>All of a sudden it was silent. Juliana was by herself. Alone. </p><p>Juliana walked into the waiting room in a trance. She didn’t think it was possible to be numb and terrified at the same time. Why couldn’t things just be easy. After everything they’ve been through, why did this have to happen. They loved each other so much, why was it so hard for things to just fall into place? Wasn’t love enough? Wasn’t that a testament to what they deserved?</p><p>“Juli?” Juliana startled at her mother’s voice. She had completely forgotten that they would be there. Of course, she told them not to come, not until everything was okay and everyone was in the clear, but here they were. Her mother, Panchito, and what looked like the entire Carvajal family. Even Isabelle was in her father’s arms. Why couldn’t they just listen for once. </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Lupe asked as Juliana didn’t realize she spoke out loud. </p><p>“I told you I would call you when everything was fine. What is everyone doing here?” She knew she was being rude and mean. But she couldn’t help it. She needed to let out her anger and her mother was an easy target. </p><p>“What happened Juliana? Why aren’t you with Valentina.” Panchito’s calm voice always had a way of taming that Valdes fire. </p><p>Juliana’s fear was radiating out of every pore. Leon slowly approached her, timidly as if he was approaching a wild animal. He could see that she was mere seconds from falling apart.</p><p>“Is she okay?” It was Leon’s tearful voice that made Juliana take a deep breath. It was strange to hear that voice coming from the face of Chino. She had never heard her father sound like that a day in her life. Everyone knew about the miscarriage, after some time and many discussions, Valentina was finally at a place that she felt comfortable telling her family. The only other time Juliana had ever heard Leon sound so fearful was the day he found out about his daughter’s greatest heartbreak. </p><p>Taking a deep breath Juliana knew she had to tell them what happened. She told them everything from her phone call when Valentina’s water broke to being rushed out of the room. She spoke in a detached tone all the while raging on the inside. She just needed her family to be okay. To come out of this alive and healthy. </p><p>“I can’t deal with anyone right now…” She started to step away with her arms outstretched, she could see the sympathy and the reassurances in their eyes, but all she wanted was Valentina and her baby boy. “I just need to be by myself. You guys can stay… but… I just-”</p><p>“It’s okay. Go have a seat. We’ll be right here if you need anything.” Panchito spoke up, being the father that she needed at the moment. He took Lupe and Leon aside to tell the rest of the family what happened. Juliana couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to see that look on everyone’s face. That look that begged for answers. She didn’t have them. She didn’t even understand what was happening. The umbilical cord wrapped around a baby’s neck sounded horrible. She didn’t know what was going to happen. All she knew what that Valentina needed her, and she wasn’t able to be there. </p><p>Juliana sat on a chair with her hands grasping at her hair in an effort to control her emotions. She was away from everyone but close enough that she could see the doctor when they came out. Her entire body language screamed <em>get away from me. </em></p><p>“Isabelle. Get back here.” Eva called out as she tried to catch her daughter, but that little girl was like a ninja. She managed to let go of Eva’s hand, as she was finding out what happened, and made her way to Juliana. </p><p>Isabelle Luna’s favorite person in the whole world was Juliana. And right now, Juls looked so sad. She was crying and all Isabelle wanted to do was make it better. Ignoring her mother, she slowly walked up to Juliana. </p><p>“Juls?” Julian tried to take a deep breath. She didn’t want to cry in front of Isabelle, but she knew there was no way she could hide the anguish on her face. </p><p>“Hey Iz.” She slowly lifted her head to peer into innocent brown eyes, her hands stayed buried in her hair. She was afraid of what her fists might do in an effort to release her emotions. And she didn’t want to hurt or scare the little girl in front of her. </p><p>Isabelle slowly stepped forward and pressed her forehead to Juliana’s, with one hand clutching Jack, she used her free hand to wipe away Juls’ tears. She had seen her Tia Val do this for Juliana before and it seemed to work. She was hoping it would work now and she could help her Juls feel better too. </p><p>Isabelle’s personality reminded Juliana of Valentina so much, it was like having a miniature version of her wife right in front of her. Isabelle was so vocal with her love, as if the world hadn’t tainted her sweet innocence as yet, and this simple act caused tears to stream down Juliana’s face; she hoped Isabelle would never change. </p><p>Juliana gently picked up Isabelle, brought the little girl to her lap, and wrapped her arms around her. Hugging her tightly while taking comfort in her wife’s proxy. </p><p>“Why you crying, Juls?” As if sensing the mood Isabelle whispered into Juliana’s ear. </p><p>Juliana hugged Isabelle tighter, “your Tia Val is sick. And I’m sad.” It seemed like such a simple response, but it spoke volumes. It only touched the surface of what Juliana was truly feeling. If it was anyone else in front of her, Juliana doesn’t think she would have answered so honestly. It was easy being vulnerable with is innocent soul. She thought all Juliana needed was a hug and everything would be okay. If only that was the case. </p><p>“She’s going to get better. We are in the hospital. They fix people here, you know. My mommy told me so.” Juliana smiled at her; it was the first time in hours that she actually had the ability to do so. </p><p>“Thanks, Iz, you’re making me feel all better.” </p><p>“I know.” Juliana kissed her little forehead as Isabelle wrapped her arms around her neck and rested her head down on Juliana’s shoulder. </p><p>What felt like days later, Juliana saw Dr. Lopez approach her. She was about to put Isabelle down, but the little girl just held on tighter, wrapping herself around Juliana like a koala. She had been sleeping and woke up as soon as Juliana stood up. </p><p>Juliana walked up to Dr. Lopez pointing to Isabelle. If there was bad news, she didn’t want Isabelle to hear it. And if she was honest, she didn’t know if she could still hold Isabelle in her arms if Dr. Lopez told her anything other than that her family was okay. </p><p>Dr. Lopez nodded and Juliana let out a sigh of relief. “She’s okay.” Juliana’s bottom lip started to tremble, not knowing what to do, she just held Isabelle closer to her. </p><p>“And the baby?” She asked in a shaky voice. </p><p>“He’s great. They’re both okay, Juliana. We managed to perform the c-section without any complications. The cord that was…” Dr. Lopez paused. She didn’t want to say anything that might scare the little girl in Juliana’s arms. “The cord was removed without any complications. We’re just checking him out to make sure everything is okay, more standard testing than anything else. But they are both fine.” </p><p>Juliana couldn’t help herself. She hugged Dr. Lopez the best she could with one arm. </p><p>“Can I see them?” It’s really all she wanted. Regardless of what Dr. Lopez said, Juliana had to see it with her own eyes. </p><p>“Yes, of course. Valentina is just in the recovery room and she will be brought into a private room in about 30 minutes. She’s not awake yet, but she will be in about an hour or so. We had to put her under a general anaesthesia. And your little boy should be up there shortly.” Dr. Lopez added with a smile. </p><p>“Thank... thank you. Thank you for bringing them back to me.” </p><p>“I make sure to keep my promises the best I can. I would not have said everything would work out if I really did not believe it. She will be in room 515 whenever you’re ready to go in. Congratulations, Juliana.” </p><p>Once Dr. Lopez walked away, Juliana went to her family. She was surprised they didn’t swarm the doctor with questions. </p><p>“She’s okay. She’s just in recovery.” She told them. She could see everyone release a collective sigh of relief. </p><p>“And the baby?” Lupe asked, she had been a mess since Juliana told her what happened. It took everything in her not to bombard her daughter with questions. </p><p>“He’s good. He’s okay too. They’re just doing the routine checks.” Juliana had never been happier to utter these particular words in all her life. </p><p>“Look, guys, she’s going to be groggy and it’s late-”</p><p>“Say no more Juliana. We’ll give you three some privacy. But we’re coming back in the morning.” Leon cut in with a smile. He knew what it was like to be a new parent and wanting to bask in the love for your little family. And with this group of people, Leon knew that little baby boy would be smothered. He tried to take Isabelle, who was still clinging to Juliana, but she didn’t want to let go. </p><p>“No Juls. I want to stay with you.” Isabelle demanded with a pout.</p><p>“Iz, I have to go make sure Tia Val is okay. And you’re so sleepy you should sleep in your bed. But I promise you can come back in the morning and meet your new cousin okay?” Juliana tried to reason with the four-year-old. </p><p>“You promise?”</p><p>“Pacto, Iz.” Juliana promised as she raised her pinky finger toward Isabelle. </p><p>Juliana put Isabelle down and said goodnight to the family. Just as she was about to walk away, she felt a tug on her shirt. Looking down, she saw Isabelle with her lip between her teeth and a contemplated look on her face. </p><p>“You okay, Iz?” Juliana asked as she bent down to the little girl’s height.</p><p>“When I’m sick Jack makes me feel better. Maybe he can make Tia Val feel better too.” Juliana’s heart surged with love for this little angel. </p><p>“You really think Jack could help?” She played along. </p><p>Isabelle just nodded, “he’s really good at it.” She handed the purple elephant to Juls. “And you can show him to my new cuzzo too.” </p><p>Juliana gently took Jack from Isabelle and hugged her, closing her eyes in an effort to stop the tears from flowing again. </p><p>“You’re the best cousin in the world, Iz. We’ll give him back tomorrow okay?” It was becoming harder and harder for Juliana to control her emptions. </p><p>“You’re so sweet, baby.” Eva came over and kissed her daughter’s head. “Let’s let Juls give Jack to Tia Val and we’ll come get him in the morning okay?” She added. </p><p>Isabelle nodded and kissed Juliana on the cheek. “Love you Juls! Don’t cry anymore okay?”</p><p>“Okay, Iz. I won’t.” Squeezing Eva hand as she walked away, Juliana hugged Jack to her chest. She took a moment to look back on the last couple of hours before running to the room Valentina was going to be in. It had been too long since she’s seen her wife. She had to make sure Val and the baby were okay. </p><p>--</p><p>Juliana could not believe what she was looking at. In her arms was the most beautiful and precious little thing she had ever seen. </p><p>Valentina was still asleep, but the nurse had assured Juliana that she would wake up soon. In the meantime, Juliana was finally able to hold her little boy. He looked exactly as Valentina did when she was a baby. He had the cutest button nose, pale skin, wisps of light hair, and the clearest and brightest blue eyes. He was definitely going to be a little blue-eyed boy. </p><p>She was in the private room watching Valentina as her little boy was wheeled in. Juliana had tears in her eyes as soon as the nurse placed him in her arms, and she had been holding him ever since. She didn’t think it was possible to love something so much. She could sit and watch him sleep for hours. </p><p>Just as she ran her finger gently down the bridge of his nose, he slowly open his eyes. Juliana doesn’t think she would ever get over looking into those piercing eyes that resembled a clear blue sky on a summer’s day. </p><p>“Hi buddy,” she swayed back and forth, “I’m so happy to meet you.” She added as she gently kissed his hat covered head. </p><p>“I’m so happy you’re here. It’s me, your mama. You look so much like your mommy,” the little guy was staring at Juliana as if he knew exactly what she was saying, “you’ll meet her soon. She’s just sleeping right now.” Juliana glanced up. She needed to see another pair of blue eyes before she could finally breathe again. </p><p>“She’s the best person you’ll ever meet. I promise. She’s so loving and caring. And she makes me so happy.” The little baby’s eyes slowly began to close again. The soothing voice of his mama lulling him back to sleep, just like when he was in the womb. </p><p>“And she’s going to do everything she can to make you happy too. I know she will. I love her so much. And I love you too.” Juliana walked back to the little crib that he was brought in as his eyes closed. “Don’t worry. You can sleep. I love you baby boy.”</p><p>Just as Juliana put him down, she looked up to see another set of piercing blue eyes staring back at her. These ones looked tired and a little teary, but so full of love. </p><p>Juliana let out a shuddering breath, “Val. Baby?” She cupped Valentina’s face as she placed a delicate kiss to waiting lips. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“I am now.” Valentina held Juliana’s own face in her hands. “You’re crying.” She stated as she wiped tears away from Juliana’s face. </p><p>“I was so scared. I was so scared that I wouldn’t see you again. I love you so much. You did so good, baby.” Juliana rambled on. </p><p>“I know. I know you were scared. I was too. But I knew you would be here when I woke up.” Valentina brushed Juliana’s hair behind her ear. “Is he okay?”</p><p>Just as the words escaped her mouth a little cry was heard throughout the room. “He’s more than okay.” Juliana turned towards the little bundle all swaddled up. “He’s perfect, Val.” </p><p>Lifting her son in her arms, Juliana turned to Valentina, “look buddy, it’s mommy.” </p><p>Valentina covered her mouth as tears streamed down her face. She had never been so happy in her whole life. </p><p>Just as Juliana was about to place the little guy into his mommy’s hands, Valentina stopped her, “wait. Come lay down with us.”</p><p>“I don’t think we’ll fit babe.” Juliana tried to reason.</p><p>“We will.” Valentina moved over slight, grimacing at the slight tug to her stitches, “I’m okay. Now, give me my baby.” </p><p>Juliana placed the little guy in Valentina’s arms and slid onto the bed beside her wife. Carefully trying not to hurt Valentina, Juliana scooted down to rest her head on Valentina’s shoulder as she caressed her son’s cheek with the back of her fingers. </p><p>“I can’t believe he’s here.” Valentina commented at she started at the little bundle in her arms. </p><p>“He’s our rainbow baby.” Juliana stated out of the blue, “the first baby after something like a miscarriage is called a rainbow baby.” She added with a smile. </p><p>“Val,” Juliana looked up at Valentina. “I love you so much, what you’ve been through these last couple of months… and with the delivery.” Juliana shook her head and tried to organize her thoughts. </p><p>“You’re my hero, Val. You’re so strong and I am so glad to even know you, let alone be loved by you.” Juliana added as she wiped stray tears from Valentina’s face. </p><p>“I do. I do love you, Juls. So much.” Valentina replied as Juliana kissed her. </p><p>Juliana gently held the back of her son’s head as she kissed her wife. She held her whole world in her arms and she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. </p><p>“Welcome to the world, buddy.” Juliana quietly whispered to her now sleeping son. </p><p>On May 30th, at 10:47pm, little <strong>Cruz Carvajal-Valdes</strong> was born and completely changed the lives of his mothers’ forever. He would grow up to be more than either of his parents would have ever imagined. The world was a much brighter place with him in it. </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really hoped you all liked this chapter and the story.<br/>I'll be back soon with an epilogue that I think you will really like. </p><p>Until then, please know how much I love you guys!</p><p>xoxoxo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please see note at the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>Looking back, if you were to ask Juliana the first time felt like she was no longer that sad girl from the trailer park, it would be the day she met Valentina Carvajal. She didn’t know it at the time, but the simple act of turning around to catch one more glimpse of the intriguing girl, would be the catalyst that set her on a journey beyond her wildest dreams. </p><p>They day they signed the papers to their house, a house with Juliana’s name on the deed, paid for with <em>both</em> of their incomes was a surreal day for Juliana. That night as they were back home in their apartment, Valentina found Juliana sitting on the two-seater lounge chair on their balcony deep in thought. Juliana had been quiet since they left the lawyer’s office. Valentina expect excitement and maybe some jumping up and down, but Juliana was contemplative and in her own head for most of the evening. </p><p>They had search for 6 months after Cruz was born for a house. For the first three months of Cruz’s life they were on a strict sleeping and eating schedule. They barely had time to leave the apartment let alone look for a house. But once Cruz started sleeping longer hours and throughout the night, they finally sat down and made a list of everything they wanted in their forever home. And between Lupe and Leon taking care of the baby, they were actually able to look at places. What felt like 1000 different places. </p><p>But when they saw that final house it was like meeting your soulmate. It was a beautiful four bedroom, three and a half bathrooms, home with a 13-foot celling that was modeled after a Spanish style hacienda. It had a beautiful motor court at led directly to the double solid wood entry doors. </p><p>Once you entered into the house, the main floor consisted of a dining room to the right that opened up into a beautiful gourmet kitchen with two center islands which overlooked a large illuminated family room. Just passed the kitchen, beyond the stairs was a study that was previously used as a library, it was big enough to use as both Juliana and Valentina’s office. It was almost the size of the living room in their loft. Both the family room and the office opened up to a large indoor/outdoor living space with massive floor to ceiling sliding doors. The outdoor living space had beautiful Spanish style arched pillars that looked out onto the pool. On warm nights they would leave the doors open and allow the cool air to waft through their home. </p><p>The house was beautiful. But was sold Juliana was the second floor. The master bedroom had one door leading to a large master bathroom and another leading to a covered terrace; both of which connected to a massive walk in closet. It was the closet that got Valentina’s attention, Juliana was never going to be able to stop her from buying clothes now. And leading out from an arched glass door in the bedroom was a beautiful outdoor terrace with a flower beds surrounding the wall for privacy. </p><p>Beside the master bedroom and beyond the stairs was a bedroom, that they converted to a nursery for Cruz, with a large arched window that illuminated the room. Followed by another bedroom with its own private terrace looking out onto the pool. They had a feeling Cruz would be vying for that room when he was older. </p><p>All in all, it was their dream home and they couldn’t wait for Cruz, and any other kids that came along, to grow up in that house. They had both decided to give the loft to Lupe and Panchito. They’re place was small, and Juliana knew that her mother wanted something better. Lupe had done so much for Juliana, she wasn’t a perfect mother, but she went through so much to get to where she was. And now that Juliana could actually afford things she had never dreamed of, there was no reason why she couldn’t do this for her mother. She had tried to give Valentina money for the loft, considering it was Valentina that bought it initially, but Val wouldn’t have any of that. Valentina never cared about money. At the end of the day Lupe was family, she was her mother in law and her son’s abuela, this is what you did for family. </p><p>Juliana was out on the balcony the evening after all the papers for their new house were signed. She was watching the sunset, remembering the time she sat out here and questioned if she was worthy of calling Valentina her girlfriend, when she heard the glass door slide open. </p><p>“Is this a solo party or can I join?” Valentina’s questions caused Juliana to turn around, the blue-eyed women looked stunning in the rays of the setting sun, the baby monitor in her hand just made Juliana smile. </p><p>“There’s always room when it’s you.” She patted the seat beside her. </p><p>Valentina sat down and placed her legs over Juliana’s lap as she wrapped her arms around her wife’s neck and kissed her deeply. </p><p>“Is he asleep?” Juliana asked with a kiss to that one spot under Valentina’s ear. Smiling when she felt a shiver run through Valentina’s body. </p><p>“Yes, he was out as soon as he stopped eating. He drank, what felt like, 20 gallons of milk. I didn’t know I had that much in these.” She joked as she cupped her own breast. </p><p>“No wonder they’re so small.” </p><p>“Hey, cállate!” Valentina wacked Juls on the shoulder. “That was mean. I don’t want to sit with you anymore.” She complained with a pout as she started to get up. </p><p>“No, no. I’m kidding!” Juliana laughed as she pulled Val back down and wrapped her arms tightly around a slim waist. Valentina barely looked pregnant, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that she lost the majority of her pregnancy weight already thanks so a healthy diet and a vigorous workout schedule. Juliana would never be able to denounce yoga ever again. </p><p>“But you have to admit you walked into that.” Juliana pointed out. </p><p>“Yea, yea.” Valentina kissed her on the forehead, “are you okay? You’ve been really quiet since we got back.” </p><p>“We signed the papers for our house today.” While the words should have come out with more enthusiasm, Juliana’s voice was subdued. </p><p>“That’s supposed to be a good thing. Are you having second thoughts?” </p><p>“No,” Juliana looked into blue, questioning eyes, “God, no. It’s just… my name is on those papers. My income contributed to that down payment. Val, I…” She didn’t know how to organize her thoughts or how to verbalize how profound this moment was to her. </p><p>“I never thought I would get to ever do that you know. It wasn’t about you paying for it. We paid for it.” She kissed Valentina softly, “I’m just so grateful.”</p><p>“You’re right. We did this. But you getting to have this life. That was all you Juls. That was all your hard work and resilience. And I’m so glad I got a front row seat to that.” </p><p> </p><p>XXXXX</p><p>When Cruz was 11 months old, Juliana had to go to New York for work. She was launching <em>Little Juls</em> into the mainstream market and there were a number of meeting set up with her investors in New York. It would be the first time she would have to leave her baby boy, it would also be the first time that Valentina was not able to go with her, so to say that she was miserable would be an understatement. </p><p>She was only supposed to be in New York for five days, but it felt like a lifetime when she was going to be away from her family. She tried not to, but she cried when she left, kissing Valentina and hugging her little boy as they bid her farewell at the airport. </p><p>She would text Valentina throughout the day, while it wasn’t the same as having her wife with her, it was a welcomed respite from the constant seriousness of her meetings. Valentina would send her cute videos of herself singing to <em>Mala Racha</em> by Santi Talledo. Or pictures of Cruz laying on Lana as he drank out of a bottle. Or when Val was being cheeky, she would send a sly mirror selfie of herself after a shower. Hair in a towel and a glass of wine covering up all her fun parts. But Juliana’s favorite pictures to receive would be the selfies Valentina would send with her and Cruz, with a big smile on his cubby face, even with those ridiculous filters it was always the best pictures to receive. </p><p>Juliana’s meetings generally lasted throughout the day, so when she was back in the hotel and finally able to call home, Cruz would already be asleep. It had been three days and she still wasn’t able to see her little boy when she would facetime with Valentina. </p><p>On the fourth day of her trip, Juliana’s meeting wrapped up earlier than expected, and the first thing she did was call her wife. </p><p><em>“Why hello there, sexy.”</em> Came that voice she longed to hear.</p><p>“What if I was calling you in the middle of my meeting with the investors to ask your opinion on a design. Is that how you would great me.” She could not stop the smile on her face as she walked back to the hotel. </p><p>
  <em>“Yes, actually it would be. And they would know my opinion is that you are incredibly sexy. They would be stupid not to know that already.”</em>
</p><p>“Touche.” Juliana laughed as she made it into her room. “What are you guys up to? I’m actually done earlier than I thought. Wanna facetime? I miss the little guy.” She was already setting up her computer when she heard a little squeal through the phone line. </p><p>
  <em>“Looks like the little man want to facetime too. I’ll go log on. Love you!”</em>
</p><p>Juliana was all set up and waited for Valentina’s text that she was ready. She got her phone out, ready to record Cruz seeing her on the computer for the first time. She couldn’t wait, while she talked to Valentina every day, it wasn’t the same. She missed her family.</p><p>She started to record as soon as the call went through, a big smile on her face seeing the loves of her life. She laughed out loud when Cruz let out a little scream in excitement. </p><p>“Hi my babies!” Juliana waved into the camera, laughing at Lana’s head peeking out at the sound of her voice. “Hi Cruz! How my little bebecito?”</p><p>“Your little bebecito is very loud.” Valentina remarked trying to control the squirming baby in her lap. </p><p>“Who’s that Cruz? Is that mama? Say hi to mama, baby.” Valentina pointed to the screen. Cruz was so excited; he was wiggling non-stop in Val’s lap. Valentina had shown him pictures of his mama, but to see her on the screen talking back to him, was a whole new experience.</p><p>He was letting out little squeals of excitement every time Juliana waved at him or said something to him. </p><p>“Hi buddy. Mama misses you.” It was actually making Juliana a little emotional. She loved how excited Cruz got. He would wiggle around and clap his hands. Or in this case, smack his hands on the table. Juliana could see Valentina try to push the laptop away in fear of it becoming collateral damage. </p><p>“Say hi to mama, Cruz.” As much as Valentina tried to deny it, she had a certain voice when she talked to Cruz. It would be one of Juliana’s favorite sounds. Second only to the belly laugh Cruz would have whenever he found something exceptionally funny. </p><p>“aaaammmaaamma” was coming out of Cruz’s mouth. It made both of his mother’s laugh. He would talk to anyone he came in contact with, even Lana, in that little adorable baby language of his.</p><p>“Come one Cruz, say ‘hi mama’”? </p><p>“maaaaa… mama.” All of a sudden both Juliana and Valentina straightened up. </p><p>“Did he just….” Juliana was speechless. She didn’t even realize that she had put her phone down. </p><p>“Yea, that’s mama Cruz.” Valentina took Cruz’s arms and raised them up. Did he really just say his first word?</p><p>“Who’s that Cruz? Is that mama?” Valentina asked again pointing to the screen. </p><p>Cruz squealed at Valentina’s excitement and let out a distinct, “Mama!” </p><p>Juliana’s immediately covered her mouth as tears filled her eyes. </p><p>“Good boy, Cruz! You said mama.” Valentina finally looked away from the baby to see her wife, tears streaming down her face. “Oh, Juls. Baby. It’s okay. It’s a happy time. He called you mama.” </p><p>But Juliana just shook her head, “and I missed it. I’m not there.” She replied in a sad voice. She was so happy that her son recognized her, but all she wanted to do was hug him. </p><p>“Mamamama… mama.” Cruz babbled on unaware to his mama’s heartbreak. </p><p>“Don’t cry, Juls. You are here. The only reason he even said it was because he sees you now.” Valentina wished she could take her wife in her arms, “it’s okay, baby. He’ll say it again when you are back home.” She didn’t know how to make Juliana feel better. She was so thrilled that Cruz finally said his first word, but she ached for Juliana’s sadness at being so far away. </p><p>They continued to chat for a little while longer, now that Cruz could say a word it was all that was coming out of his mouth. It was making Juliana’s heart break and soar at the same time. She just wanted to be with her family. </p><p>Once Cruz started to whine, Valentina knew she had to end the call and address what smelt like a dirty diaper. </p><p>“Babe, I need to go change him. I might as well give him a bath too. I’ll call you later okay. We can talk?” Valentina asked. She knew Juliana still felt bad for not being there. </p><p>“Yea, of course. Call me later. I miss you guys. And I love you even more. So, so much.” Juliana smiled at the kiss Valentina blew at her, as she waved to Cruz, who was all smiles again. She would give anything to be with them right now. </p><p>--</p><p>It was a couple of hours later and Valentina still hadn’t heard from Juliana. She had wanted Cruz to be awake when she called her again. She had tried calling twice already but still didn’t hear back. She knew that Juliana would eat herself up over not being there to witness her son’s first word. Valentina just wanted to reassure her that she was there. He really wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t see Juliana on that screen. </p><p>Valentina tried one more time after she put Cruz to bed, elated that Juliana finally picked up. </p><p><em>“Hey, babe. Sorry I didn’t call you back. The day just got unexpectantly busy.”</em> Juliana’s voice sounded tired, and if she listened carefully, Valentina could detect a hint of sadness.</p><p>“It’s okay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay?” </p><p>“Yea, Val. I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Juliana voice sounded like she was preoccupied. “Babe listen, I got to go okay. Can I call you back in a bit?” </p><p>“Yea, yea. Sorry to bug you.” Valentina was now starting to feel a little down. Ever since the facetime call, Juliana’s texts were short and strait to the point. No funny emoticons or cute selfies. It had only been a couple of hours at best, but Valentina felt like there was something wrong. </p><p>“No, you didn’t bug me. I’ll call you in a bit okay?” Juliana tried to reassure Valentina without making it seem like she was in a rush to get off the phone. </p><p>“Juls?”</p><p>“Yea, Val?”</p><p>“I love you.” Valentina whispered. </p><p>“I love you too, Val. I’ll talk to you later.” Valentina just stared at the phone after the call was disconnected. Her wallpaper screen of a smiling image of Cruz laughing while Juliana was kissing his cheek was the only thing left from that strange phone call. </p><p>--</p><p>Valentina was brought out of her deep sleep by an incessant noise. Reaching over to her nightstand, she blindly grabbed her phone, noticing it was just after two am. She would have cursed the person on the other end if was anyone other than Juliana calling her. </p><p>“Hi…” She answered as she wrapped the blanket tighter around her body. She didn’t care what time it was, she was just thankful that Juliana called her back. </p><p>
  <em>“Hi baby, I’m sorry for waking you.”</em>
</p><p>“No, don’t be. I’m just glad you called me back.” Valentina’s sleepy voice replied. “Juls, are you okay? I know you were upset earlier.” </p><p>
  <em>“I’m okay. It just sucks. That I couldn’t be there, you know. To squeeze his cheeks and annoy him with kisses.”</em>
</p><p>“You can do all of that when you come home. And he hasn’t said it again since we facetimed. So, he only said it when he saw you.” Valentina tried to reassure her wife. “Plus, when you come home, I want you to annoy me with kisses too. Not just the cute baby.” </p><p>“How about I annoy you with kisses now?” Valentina nearly jumped out of her skin when she turned around to see Juliana at the bedroom door. </p><p>“Juls? Please tell me I’m not dreaming.” Valentina remarked as she ended the call and put her phone back on the side table. </p><p>Juliana got rid of her shirt and pants and crawled into bed with her wife, “you’re not dreaming.” </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Valentina immediately wrapped her arms around Juliana and kissed her, preventing her from answering the question. She was just so happy to have her arms around her wife. </p><p>“I left early.” Juliana kissed her back. “There was one more meeting and it wasn’t that really that important. Just a formality and Stella said she would handle it.” She continued to kiss any exposed skin she could find. “I bought an earlier ticket and came home.”</p><p>“Juls, you didn’t have to do that.” Valentina didn’t exactly mean that. She was thrilled Juliana was home earlier than planned. In the years they had been together there were only a small handful of times that they didn’t fall asleep together. </p><p>“Cruz is going to be so happy to see you.” </p><p>“I just went into his room to check on him and give him a kiss. What are you feeding him? He’s so chunky.” Juliana laughed quietly, basking in the presence of her wife. The only way she could describe being in Valentina’s arms was that it felt like  home. </p><p>“You love his rolls. How did you sneak in here so quietly?” Valentina didn’t hear a thing, even on the baby monitor beside the bed. She wasn’t sure if Juliana was just a ninja, or she needed to get her ears checked. </p><p>“I just tried to be really quiet. We’re going to have to have a talk with Lana. All she did when I went into Cruz’s room was lift her head up and yawned.” Juliana’s explanation made Valentina laugh. “She’s not a very good guard dog.” </p><p>“Hey, don’t be mean. She knew it was you.” Valentina cuddled into Juliana. “My dad is inviting everyone over for a pool party tomorrow. They will be so happy to see you.” </p><p>“I can’t wait… Hey, Val.” Juliana spoke up after a few seconds of silence.</p><p>“Yea?”</p><p>“Why are you topless?” Juliana asked as she ran her hands up and down a bare back. She was definitely not complaining. </p><p>Valentina laughed and kissed Juliana’s neck, “well I was hoping we could facetime, and I could make you feel better.” </p><p>“I mean… you could still make me feel better.” Juliana slowly turned Valentina on her back and slid one leg in between long legs, “I’m really,” she kissed that spot just under Valentina neck, “really sad.” </p><p>And Valentina made her feel better. Over and over again. </p><p>--</p><p>The next morning, after what felt like barely any sleep, Juliana woke up to one of the best sounds she’s ever heard. Little Cruz was awake and blabbing in his crib. He was such a good baby. He would lay there and talk to himself or play with Lana through the bars of his crib, as he waited for one of his mothers to come and get him. </p><p>She could feel Valentina kiss her chest, moving as little as possible. </p><p>“Looks like someone is awake.” Juliana commented as she ran her hands through Valentina’s hair. “It’s so cute how he just hangs out there and babbles to himself.” </p><p>“Yea, until he has a dirty diaper. Then he screams bloody murder for our attention.” Even with a sleepy tone you could hear the humor in Valentina’s voice. </p><p>“You actually have amazing timing. I have to do a little work, I was going to do it tonight, but would you mind getting him dressed? That way I have my night reserved just for you.” Valentina asked Juliana as she kissed her softly. </p><p>“Who can say no to an offer like that? Yea, of course. Take your time. I’ll get him dressed and fed.”</p><p>Juliana slowly walked into Cruz’s room as Valentina made her way downstairs to the office. She paused and watched him for a moment, holding on to his feet as he talked to who knows who. Lana stood up when she realized Juliana was in the room, forever on guard of her little brother. </p><p>Juliana walked up to the crib, running her hands through Lana’s fur, as soon as Cruz saw her, he let out a squeal of happiness. </p><p>“Hi buddy,” Juliana picked him up as he lifted his hands in the air, blue eyes shining bright, “I missed you so much.” </p><p>“Mama!” He yelled out as his mother wrapped her arms around him. </p><p>“Yea, it’s your mama. You said you’re first word, baby. I’m so proud of you!” If Juliana thought hearing those words through the screen for the first time would warm her heart, nothing could prepare her for hearing it person, as Cruz looked in her eyes and called her mama. What was even better was the sloppy kiss she got for picking him up. </p><p>Valentina took longer than she expected to complete a few tasks for work. When she was finally done and signed out, she could hear the television on in the family room. However, she was not prepared for the scene that greeted her once she joined in her little family. </p><p>Juliana was on the couch in jeans shorts that showed of her tanned legs and a long, loose tank top over her white bikini top. She had her grey chucks and a backward hat. But was even cuter was Cruz beside her. He was in his own pair of jean shorts, backwards hat, and that little pair of grey chucks she bought a lifetime ago. Cruz loved those chucks, Valentina always thought it was because Juliana wore the same pair. But ever since he started walking a couple of weeks ago, those little shoes were a permanent fixture on his little feet. The only difference was that he was shirtless, with his cute belly on full display. </p><p>Valentina stood back and watch the two for a moment. Juliana was engrossed in something on the television with a serious look on her face. On her lap was a bowl of cheerios, Cruz’s Cheerios to be exact, she was absentmindedly eating the cereal as she focused on the television. Unbeknownst to Juliana, Cruz on the other hand, would look at Juliana every time she put Cheerios in her mouth. He would look at his own little bowl on his lap and shove a handful of Cheerios into his mouth, much less gracefully of course. There was sure to be Cheerio stragglers on the couch. The whole scene almost brought a tear to Valentina’s eyes, she couldn’t help but take out her phone and record what was in front of her.  </p><p>Before Cruz was born Juliana was so afraid that Cruz wouldn’t develop a deep bond with her since he wasn’t genetically related to her. But what was so very apparent was that Cruz loved Juliana, so much. He didn’t care that they didn’t share the same genes. Juliana was his mama, and much to Valentina’s chagrin, his favorite person. Cruz wanted to do everything his mama did, case and point, the scene in from of Valentina. </p><p>“Don’t you two looks like twins today.” As if on que both mama and baby both turned their head toward Valentina with matching smiles on their face.</p><p>“Hi mommy.” Juliana greeted with a wink as she took the two bowls of Cheerios and put them on the table in front of her. </p><p>Valentina picked up Cruz and put him on her lap before kissing his light brown hair. “Why is he shirtless?” </p><p>“Someone… I’m not going to mention any names… spilled juice all over his shirt. I figured this was safer. Besides, I love seeing his little belly.” Juliana laughed as she tickled Cruz. </p><p>While Cruz was on the smaller side when he was born, he was definitely not small anymore. He had the chubbiest cheeks and arms, and his belly was the cutest thing when it poked out from under his shirts, Juliana just wanted to smother him in kisses all day long. </p><p>“You look really good today.” Valentina commented as she eyed Juliana’s outfit, “really gay, but really good.” </p><p>Juliana winked at her, “it’s all for you baby.” She leaned over to give Valentina a sweet kiss on the lips. Pulling back quickly when a tiny hand smacked her on the cheek. </p><p>“Hey! What was that for?” Juliana pretended to tickle Cruz. </p><p>“What can I say, he may want to be like you. But he definitely doesn’t want to share his mommy with you.” Valentina fired back as she kissed Cruz all over his little face, earning her the cutest giggles. </p><p>“Buddy, you already hog the boobs. Let me have the lips.” Juliana laughed at the light shove that she received from Valentina.</p><p>Juliana was so happy to be home. </p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well guys, this is it. </p><p>Thank you so, so much for all your kind words and kudos'. Writing this little journey has helped me so much during this crazy time. I can't begin to express how welcoming you all have been to this new writing venture I started. It has made all the difference. </p><p>I have an idea for another story and some one shots, but I will be working from home now and a little busier than I have been. So I can't promise speedy updates but I will try! </p><p>Once I have that new story organized I will post it up </p><p>Thank you all so much again! Please be kind to one another, it's free. </p><p>xoxoxo<br/>51177</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all for reading!<br/>So sorry for any mistakes! I don't have a beta so this is all me .</p>
<p>P.s. Please let me know if you ever feel that I was insensitive with anything discussed in this story! It was not intentional and will do my best to be as sensitive as possible.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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